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Song Parodies -> "Scissors Don't Beat Rock"

Original Song Title:

"Love Me Like a Rock"

Original Performer:

Paul Simon

Parody Song Title:

"Scissors Don't Beat Rock"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

Answer to Guy's version of R-P-S.
When I was just a boy
(when I was just a boy)
well, I played a little game
(when I was just a boy)
I said what do, what do you think you're doin'?
You're a real shortsighted boy
(when I was just a boy)
You shoot fingers out at me.
You didn't beat me, no beat me.
And to a victory you treat me.
You know that scissors don't beat rock!
With rock, to win you need the paper.
No beat me.
(Scissors don't beat rock!)
No beat me, beat me, beat me, beat me.

When I was grown to be a man
(grown to be a man)
and indecision was to blame
(grown to be a man)
I said what do, what do you do to settle?
Not a complicated man
(grown to be a man)
set nostalgia free
so on count of three, count of three
we'll make the old gestures so roughly!
You know that scissors don't beat rock!
With rock, to win you need the paper.
No beat me.
(Scissors don't beat rock!)
No beat me, beat me, beat me, beat me.

And if I was the President
(was the President)
and the Supreme Court needs a name
(was the President)
I say who should, who should I now be choosing?
Who gets the Presidential deal?
Can't pick extreme Supreme.
Need moderation, this nation.
How choose? With no hesitation...
You know that scissors don't beat rock!
With rock, to win you need the paper.
No beat me.
(Scissors don't beat rock!)
No beat me, beat me, beat me, beat me.
(Scissors don't beat rock!)
No beat me, beat me, beat me, beat me.
(Scissors don't beat rock!)
No beat me, beat me, beat me, beat me.
(Scissors don't beat rock!)
No beat me, beat me, beat me, beat me.
(repeat 'til fade)
Just remember, having a "President" who's "decisive" isn't a good thing if his decisions are WRONG.

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.0
How Funny: 4.0
Overall Rating: 4.0

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   2
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 2
 
 2   0
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 0
 
 3   0
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 4   0
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 5   6
 6
 6
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Johnny D - May 06, 2005 - Report this comment
(insert your own scissors/paper/rock joke here)
Dilbert - May 06, 2005 - Report this comment
Assume it's sheet rock.
Meriadoc - May 06, 2005 - Report this comment
Dammit Michael, just when I think you've finally posted something NEUTRAL (and not sports related) and then...and then! I get to the last verse. Hee hee. Good job.
alvin rhodes - May 06, 2005 - Report this comment
an absolute scream...5s
Rick C - May 06, 2005 - Report this comment
This is a hoot!! 555
Michael Pacholek - May 06, 2005 - Report this comment
Glad to see no one had the rocks to give this a bad rating.
Charlie Decker - May 06, 2005 - Report this comment
Reminds me of a Simpsons joke: Lisa: "Poor, predictable Bart. Always picks rock." Bart: "Good old rock! Nothing beats that!"
Michael Pacholek - May 07, 2005 - Report this comment
There was also a "Will and Grace" where Grace and Jack had to decide something, and they both kept firing "scissors." Over and over and over again.

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