Your problem as applied your dead, she said to me,
Like cancer makes you queasy, it's not fake pathology.
I'd like to help you not to suffer agony,
There’s no nifty way to lose your liver.
She said it's mostly just bad habits that preclude,
Fervor lore for dope I'm screening what it cost and how you're screwed,
It's how you treat yourself; it's the risk for getting stewed,
There must be fifty ways to lose your liver.
Go shootin' up smack, Jack,
Out a beer can, Stan,
That bottle of joy, Roy,
Smoke angel dust, Gus,
Thrown under the bus, Dutch,
Best drink Tetley Tea™, Lee,
Let your liver be.
Keep smokin' that crack, Mack,
Still sniffin' that glue, Stu?
Just keep on snortin' that line, Tyne.
You're soon his-tor-y.
Chug some Jim Beam™, Dean,
Keep usin' that crutch, Hutch,
Just snort up more crank, Frank,
Score some ecstasy.
She said, believe me this all is so damn insane,
It's bliss they seek, some think they could do to make what's vile no pain,
I said I appreciate that; I'll stick to "Mary-Jane",
And not those shifty ways...
She said why don't you just keep your usage light?
And I'll do all I can to make your liver sprite,
My liver's Swiss cheese, so best my will I'll write,
I know fifty ways to lose your liver,
Fifty ways to lose your liver...
Now, just throw back that shot, Dot,
Have some more wine, Kline,
Just cop some Quaalude, dude,
Get high as can be.
Hops makes for good brew, Drew,
You just need to get stewed, Jude,
Just drop LSD, Bea,
And ponder your knee.
You just sip on that schnapps, Pops,
Take some codeine, Gene,
Take some speed stay awake, Jake,
Don't listen, you'll see.
Cop you some rum, chum,
You just need to get numb, Bub,
Just go on a spree, Dee,
Go try it and see.
Bump da-da da-da da-da bump da-da-da