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Song Parodies -> "I Am Undead"

Original Song Title:

"I Am, I Said"

Original Performer:

Neil Diamond

Parody Song Title:

"I Am Undead"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

Dating's fine, there's fun guys most the time
And I found a new man, Jack
My new beau said "You should know
There's something I keep thinkin' about--
I wanna attack"

Well then playfully my neck he grazed
I ducked sideways, out of my favorite store
"Transylva-nia's my home
Told you Rome, but I ain't lyin' no more"

"I am undead
Hope you don't care"
While standing at the mall
All I did was stare

"Sometimes I die
But always rise
And damn the cost, Dear, I could make you my bride"
Then he got down to kneel

Well I've always been the kind of girl who dreamed of gettin' a ring
But from a sane one
And all those vampire dames from the films seem deranged
From the times he kissed me, what if I became one?

Then I got a bad feeling deep inside
And he cried, but it had to be 'no'
Briefly I thought, "I can't leave him there"
But no longer cared when I saw the size of the stone

"I am undead"
Still kneeling there
I said "This ring's too small"
His teeth he did bare

"Just scram," I cried
"'Cause I won't die
Especially not for a lame ring of this size
Rather be lonely still"

"I am undead"
"Just scram," I cried

"Just scram... "

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 15

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   15

User Comments

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Johnny D - August 15, 2005 - Report this comment
We're all suckers for a bloody good vampire parody like this one!
Kristof Robertson - August 15, 2005 - Report this comment
Jeez, Arwen....VAMPIRES? You've really gotta sort out that little black book of yours....;-) 555
Jeff Reuben - August 15, 2005 - Report this comment
This song bites! I sucks! I mean...there's nothing worse than a vampire too cheap to buy a decent ring.
Rex - August 15, 2005 - Report this comment
Wow, you really need to change your dating service.
Tim Mayfield - August 15, 2005 - Report this comment
I am confused, I did one too, A vampire parody upstaged by you. ;-) Funny lines, loved the 'Just scram, I cried'. 5's
alvin rhodes - August 15, 2005 - Report this comment
you brought new life to a miserable OS...5s plus
AFW - August 15, 2005 - Report this comment
From the title alone, I wood have staked my life on this being a great parody.....which it is..fives
Red Ant - August 15, 2005 - Report this comment
Funny, and brilliant, AS ALWAYS, Arwen.=) Oh yeah, a 1000% improvement over TOS.
Dee Range - August 15, 2005 - Report this comment
"Damned" good. I'm "coffin'" up some fives here
john ulvang - August 15, 2005 - Report this comment
Arwen, you ROCK! nice vamparody! 5-5-5 number 10!
Arwen - August 15, 2005 - Report this comment
Johnny...just what I was hoping for....=) Thanks!

Kristof...I threw away the little black book years ago...when I realized that I didn't wanted it documented on paper some of the champs I've dated...; ) Thanks!

Jeff...and you get the big prize for picking out the REAL problem. If he'd only opted for a larger carat size...I might've been singing a different tune...; ) Thank you!

Rex...I'm going to have to agree with that...=) Thanks a bunch!

Tim...Upstaged? No way...yours was way more vampirey...mine the long run...just about how shallow I am...; ) Thank you!

alvin...thank you very much...I'll consider the OS officially undead...=)

AFW...thanks a ton. I find that I often have (what I consider to be) BRILLIANT titles rolling around in my head for ages, and nothing worthwhile will come of them. I was lucky with this one...=)

Red Ant...see, you're catching on. Saying something like "as always" in conjunction with words like "funny" and "brilliant" is sure to get a smile out of me...=) And we all know that getting a smile out of me is everyone's goal, right? ; ) Well done! Oh, and thanks a lot!

Dee...hee! I'm glad you liked it. Oh, and by the way, I'm still trying desperately to do some justice to the idea you PM'd me about...I told you that I have NO abilities for that OS...but I REALLY want to do it...=( Thanks for stopping by...=)

john u...thanks a bunch! I never get sick of hearing that I ROCK. =) I honestly appreciate it very much...=)
Serafina - August 16, 2005 - Report this comment
Good day, Arween!!! I've been a lot busier than usual lately; as a result I didn't get a chance to have a look at this brilliant parody yesterday. So now I will give it 5-5-5 vote #11!

Keep up the good work! I always enjoy reading it! =)
Michael Pacholek - August 17, 2005 - Report this comment
Aw jeez... I kept telling you that Vin Diesel sucks, but you wouldn't listen... He can afford a big ring, he's a Count, don't forget! Also don't forget it was the vampire storyline that made the ABC soap "Port Charles" jump the shark. Michael Eaton picking on poor defenseless Kelly Monaco, not to mention Julie Pinson, whom I'm really hoping Arwen looks like...
Arwen - August 17, 2005 - Report this comment
Serafina...thanks a bunch, sweetheart!

Michael...don't be ridiculous. I outshine ANY soap star you throw my way...not to mention the fact that I am very decisively blonde...=)
Ashkicksass - August 17, 2005 - Report this comment
See guys, size really DOES matter. Fabulousa as usual, my darling girl!
Michael Pacholek - August 18, 2005 - Report this comment
No, Julie is most definitely a brunette... in fact, some people think she looks like Lisa Rinna, which is why she was given the Billie Reed role on "Days of Our Lives." I used to love Lisa until I found out she was married to Harry Hamlin... probably one of Arwen's past crushes himself.
Arwen - August 18, 2005 - Report this comment're right...and I knew you'd understand...=) Thanks!

Michael...hey dingaling...I KNOW she's brunette...the point in me saying that I am blonde was to say that I look nothing like spite of the fact that you wish I did. Sorry. I'm way prettier, though. And, of COURSE I had a crush on Harry Hamlin...back in the "Clash of the Titans" days...who didn't?
leo jay - August 19, 2005 - Report this comment
Sweet! Girl, you know you're supposed to let me know when you have stuff up -- I just don't get here very often. Brat.
Arwen - August 19, 2005 - Report this comment
Leo...thanks a bunch, sweetheart. I'll try to make an effort to let you know when you need to get your ass over here...=)

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