Easter's fine
There's candy most the time
But I suck at the egg hunts
Fourth of Jul
-y is cool
But my pyro big brother he
Blew off my leg once

Well I've had some miserable holidays
So nowadays I'm all Thanksgiving, dude
Halloween's fine but kids are not
& Christmas just ain't got my favorite food

Buy yams! I said
To Auntie Steph
I doubt - she
Heard - at
All - she's
Practically deaf

Buy yams! I cried
Buy yams! I screamed
And buy - some
Pump - kin
Pie - and
Squirt-on whipped cream!

That's the Thanksgiving deal

Did you ever read
About the man who dreamed of playin' with dolls
And then became one
Well that's my uncle Jane and she'll be here on Thursday
But the scary thing is
His wife's the insane one

And I've got a cousin whose pets all died
And I've tried but I can't eat her rolls
And I'm not a guy who likes to swear
But I've never cared for the goddamned bean casserole

Buy yams! I said
To Grandpa Phil
But he'd - drunk
All - our
Booze - and
Even Ny Quil

BUY YAMS, I WHINED
BUY YAMS, I SCREAMED
AND NOT - SWEET
PO - TAY
TOES - THEY'RE
NOT THE SAME THING

BUY YAMS, I SHRIEKED
BUY YAMS, I HOWLED

BUY YAMS!