~

[ sung by Chairman of the American Acadamy of Sciences: ]

You keep claimin’ you’re ‘Mandingo Einstein’
Rantin’ how your *genius* “wuz re-pressed”
You’re pro-fessin’ “neutrons are a’ cross-dressin’”?
And with ‘mauve-hole’ radiation you’re obsessed
Dis-putes with Steven Hawking,
flamboyantly pursued…
One of these days he *scoots*
his power-chair all over you!


[ sung by Mandingo (to a confident ‘walking’ descending base line): ]

“Haw-king’s chum-dumb, so-so hum-drum, Steve's some scum bum, *I’m* the one, son—
Yeah!


[ sung by Chairman: ]

You keep cubin’ when you outta be squarin’
And you keep gettin’ ‘E’ and ‘c-squared’ re-versed
You keep claimin’ Heisenberg was *certain*
And that Max Plank’s only ‘constant’ is ‘per-verse’!
Dis-putes with Steven Hawking,
flamboyantly pursued
One of these days he *shoots*
his trach-e-osto-juice on you!


[ sung by Mandingo (more tenuously to a ‘crawling’ descending base line): ]

“Haw-king’s chum-dumb, so-so hum-drum, Steve-o’s some bum, I’m the one, son—
- right? -


[ sung by Chairman: ]

You keep keep saying there’s a 'Fifth Dimension'
Where “Up, Up and Away’s” the way quarks act – Ha!
What’s this pap ‘bout ‘Fuchsia G-String Theory’ (yo?)
Or that Planet Seacrest’s ‘rings’ are *still* intact?
Dis-putes with Steven Hawking,
flamboyantly pursued
One of these days he *routes*
his friggin’ worm-hole over you!


[ sung by a *repentant* Mandingo (to a ‘freefalling’ falsetto line): ]

“Er, Steve, Yo, hon, *I’m* the dumb one, and just fun-un, …Beam *me* to SUN?
Whoa!


[ spoken with mechanistic vehemence by Hawking: ]

Got some Vulcan boots?
Start Spockin’!


[ Mandingo, in a mewling croak from somewhere on Vulcan: ]

“Alright. ALRIGHT! I’m quitting with the ‘A Brief History of Thyme’ jokes… Okay… OKAY?”

~