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Song Parodies -> "Bake Man"

Original Song Title:

"Ape Man"

Original Performer:


Parody Song Title:

"Bake Man"

Parody Written by:

John A. Barry

The Lyrics

I think I'm domesticated
'Cause I'm whippin' up pies, bringin' good horno* staples in.
But all around me, everybody's multi-fryin'--
Not wokking, but usin' a fry pan.
But I've sat at the feet of the best culinary sages
Of cuisine, man.
I share zilch with these fryers, with their bird fricassees.
I am a bake man.

I get exasperated 'cause I'm trivialized
By strict vegetarians,
Because their orientation means castigation of lactation--
They blame me for butter-filchin'.
And they call me a rapacious whore,
They decry my trips to the moo-giver store,
I have to flail away and shake them from my door,
Then bake pies and cakes, man.

I'm a bake man, I'm a baked-caked man, I'm a bake man.
I'm a Ding-Dongs man, I'm a Yoo-Hoo man,
Till I'm slaked, man.

My yum fare such as buns that pop up so high
Compares not to store-bought rolls you'd buy.
Campari or rum spikes my nice pumpkin pie.
I am a bake man.

Cake pan's my solution for creating delicious dainties,
Like light Bundt cakes that crumble. And give me half a pint
Of whipping cream and a good beater, and then watch me rustle
Up some frosting that's surely bound to please,
Especially when topped off with shaved coconut meats.
I live a life that is so buttery, as a bake man.

I'm a bake man, I'm a baked-caked man, I'm a bake man.
I'm a Ding-Dongs man; frosting froufrou, man,
It's like lace, man.

In the oven's window I can spy a pie;
The anticipation is frostin' up my thighs;
It comes out with a golden crust for which to die.
Give praise to the bake man!

The oven's free, for a cake pan, girl.
So won't you come and join me in my bake-man world?

I'm a bake man, I'm a baked-caked man, I'm a bake man.
I'm a dink-dong, man; need a woman, man--
A bake mate, man.

I'll use marzipan; she'll use whole grains
For treats that storm pleasure centers of brains. . .
Add bananas to give them a potassium domain--
She and the bake man.

I'm a bake man with a bake mate, man, I'm a straight man.
I'm a sling-schlong man, I'm a spew-dew man,
Never slaked, man.

When she rebuffs me for eight days or more,
I go down and pry open the oven door,
I pull out the cream puffs and give them a core bore
And mate with the cake, man.

*horno: oven (Spanish)

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.4
How Funny: 4.1
Overall Rating: 4.1

Total Votes: 9

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   1
 5   7

User Comments

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Tim Mayfield - July 28, 2005 - Report this comment
At least you got around to doing the only Kinks song worth parodying. 5's
alvin rhodes - July 28, 2005 - Report this comment
man, you string together some amazing sentences..superb..5s
Johnny D - July 28, 2005 - Report this comment
Bravo, JB !! So far, you and I are the only clowns brave enough (or foolhardy enough?) to attempt to parody this classic Kinks tune .... SHAMELESS PLUG ALERT ... here's mine, it's called "Wetware":
John Barry - July 28, 2005 - Report this comment
Tim, not a big Kinks fan, I gather. Thanks, Alvin! JD, your "Wetware" was my inspiration--thanks and thanks.
Michael Pacholek - July 28, 2005 - Report this comment
John B: I love food/overeating parodies, and the fact that this was a Kinks song is icing on the cake. Tim: The irony is, a lot of Kinks songs actually sound like parodies: "Ape Man," "A Well Respected Man," "Dedicated Follower of Fashion," "Hatred," "Sunny Afternoon." John D: I've thought about doing "Ape Man" for ages, but nothing's worked. I suppose I could drink a lot of wine and do "Grape Man." Some Harry Potter fan could do "Snape Man."
Johnny D - July 28, 2005 - Report this comment
Michael --- I'll offer you (and JB, and whoever else is interested) some ideas for free --- take 'em, use 'em, bastardize 'em however you want ...

(I'm No/He's No) Ape Man = about an anti-evolution crusader's rantings

Fake Man = about a female drag king

Lake Scam = about a Loch Ness monster tourist-trapper

Stake Man = Vlad The Impaler's Theme Song (JB ???)

I Just Ate SPAM = self-explanatory

Weight Man = Ahhnold's Iron-Pumping Theme Song

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