On a warm summer's evening
In a night-club a-heaving
I came across a tumbler
On a table on its own
I could see it there, fluorescing
In the disco ultra-violet
And I wondered should I try it
Should I leave it well alone

So I said to myself
"That looks like some concoction
I've never had a drink that is
That lurid shade of pink"
But I'm feeling kinda thirsty
Reckon I've an iron stomach
And I've run clean out of money
So I guess I'll have a drink

So I went up to the table
And I had a little swallow
Straight off I felt it burnin'
As it set my throat alight
I thought "Why the hell'd I try it?"
My face lost all expression
Thought I'd name this thing a "Flameboy"
Will it burn me all the night?

You got to know when to sip it
Know when to tip it
Know what to pour away
Know what to drink
And if you spill a little
And it leaves a smokin' crater
Y'know sooner or later
It'll go right down the sink

You know this empty tumbler held
A most pe'culiar cocktail
Of something between rocket fuel
And radioactive waste
Curacao and Baileys
Gin and Chilli Vodka
And Angostura Bitters gave it
Its distinctive taste

And I think that I detected
The flavour of Scotch whisky
But my fried taste-buds could not tell
A blend from single malt
I dropped it in the darkness
The tumbler broke in pieces
I clutched my stomach, swearing, but
I guess its my own fault

You've got to know when to scoff 'em
Know when to quaff 'em
So it don't hit your mouth
Spills on the floor
If it dissolves your money
Or burns holes in the table
Guess it ain't that palatable
So don't go a-drinkin' more

You got to know when to taste it
Know when to waste it
Know when to sup away
Know when to spit
'Cause it sure ain't funny
To vomit o'er the table
So don't touch if you ain't able
And don't want to look a tit

You got to know when to sip it
Know when to tip it
Know what to pour away
Know what to drink
And if you spill a little
And it leaves a smokin' crater
Y'know sooner or later
It'll go right down the sink