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Song Parodies -> "The Tumbler"

Original Song Title:

"The Gambler"

Original Performer:

Kenny Rogers

Parody Song Title:

"The Tumbler"

Parody Written by:

Phil Alexander

The Lyrics

OK, I know... another "Gambler" parody. I'm not addicted... I can stop doin' 'em any time...
On a warm summer's evening
In a night-club a-heaving
I came across a tumbler
On a table on its own
I could see it there, fluorescing
In the disco ultra-violet
And I wondered should I try it
Should I leave it well alone

So I said to myself
"That looks like some concoction
I've never had a drink that is
That lurid shade of pink"
But I'm feeling kinda thirsty
Reckon I've an iron stomach
And I've run clean out of money
So I guess I'll have a drink

So I went up to the table
And I had a little swallow
Straight off I felt it burnin'
As it set my throat alight
I thought "Why the hell'd I try it?"
My face lost all expression
Thought I'd name this thing a "Flameboy"
Will it burn me all the night?

You got to know when to sip it
Know when to tip it
Know what to pour away
Know what to drink
And if you spill a little
And it leaves a smokin' crater
Y'know sooner or later
It'll go right down the sink

You know this empty tumbler held
A most pe'culiar cocktail
Of something between rocket fuel
And radioactive waste
Curacao and Baileys
Gin and Chilli Vodka
And Angostura Bitters gave it
Its distinctive taste

And I think that I detected
The flavour of Scotch whisky
But my fried taste-buds could not tell
A blend from single malt
I dropped it in the darkness
The tumbler broke in pieces
I clutched my stomach, swearing, but
I guess its my own fault

You've got to know when to scoff 'em
Know when to quaff 'em
So it don't hit your mouth
Spills on the floor
If it dissolves your money
Or burns holes in the table
Guess it ain't that palatable
So don't go a-drinkin' more

You got to know when to taste it
Know when to waste it
Know when to sup away
Know when to spit
'Cause it sure ain't funny
To vomit o'er the table
So don't touch if you ain't able
And don't want to look a tit

You got to know when to sip it
Know when to tip it
Know what to pour away
Know what to drink
And if you spill a little
And it leaves a smokin' crater
Y'know sooner or later
It'll go right down the sink

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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 5   8
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User Comments

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Michael Pacholek - February 21, 2006 - Report this comment
"The Tumbler"? I thought this was going to be about gymnastics, and I was about to say, "Bart Conner, you lucky dog, you not only got a Gold Medal but you got Nadia Comaneci!" (She ain't 14 anymore, boys, and she turned out gooooooood.) I'll always have a soft spot for this song because it's one of the first grownup songs I can remember, and I did "The Bumbler" to it. (It ain't about Alex Rodriguez... but October will come... ) So I believe this one deserves a toast: Here's mud in your eye, and foam in your throat (to put out the fire)!
John Barry - February 21, 2006 - Report this comment
I thought it was going to be about safecracking. The combination is 5-5-5.
alvin rhodes - February 21, 2006 - Report this comment
love the scoff 'em/quaff 'em line
Rick C - February 21, 2006 - Report this comment
Aw, you don't have to stop doin' 'em. This is great, Phil. Especially liked the "something between rocket fuel and radioactive waste" line. 555
Larry Hensley - February 21, 2006 - Report this comment
Very refreshing parody, 555
Red Ant - February 22, 2006 - Report this comment
Do they really make Chili Vodka? Rick C already mentioned my favorite line.
Meriadoc - February 22, 2006 - Report this comment
Table - palatable - hee hee ;-D
Peter Andersson a.k.a K1chyd - February 22, 2006 - Report this comment
That Ford Prefect guy leaves his Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters all over the place, doesn't he?
Phil Alexander - February 22, 2006 - Report this comment
RA - yes, they do: chilli vodka is very nice in small quantities (especially if you've a sore throat)
Peter - couldn't have been Ford's: I don't believe he'd have left an unfinished drink *anywhere*
Alvin - I was thinking of Pratchett: "quaffing is like drinking, but you spill more"
Rick - I do have a thought about a "Juggler" parody, somethingl like:
On a warm summer's evening
In an underground station
I came across a juggler
He was playing with his balls

...this far, it's basically true, but it needs a storyline. A parody to this OS has to have a story to it, otherwise it doesn't work properly.
Johnny D - February 22, 2006 - Report this comment
Heh heh *burp* 5s

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