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Song Parodies -> "In Vagin'"

Original Song Title:

"Imagine"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

John Lennon

Parody Song Title:

"In Vagin'"

Parody Written by:

Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

Concludes the trilogy of "Imagine" parodies, with "Imagine" and "Pelagic".

In vagin', there's a cervix
Then uterus, or womb
(Don't smell below it)
From which new people bloom
Fallopian tubes: creeping --
-- Ovum (egg) some days...

The undiscover'd count-ry
To which no man returns [1]
Though try: he'd kill or die for
When lustful itchin' burns
Some born, but certain people
Through front bay, released ...

... A rough day for J. Caesar [2]
Mother's abdomen, undone
Another way, he joined us
(Couldn't fit through #1?)

In vagin', sperms' obsessions
To thunder there from man
They need to speed; they hunger
-- For motherhood, a clan
Imagine all those people!
Good thing most get lost! [3]

Little way 'bove the femur
Just a dot above the bun
It's the source that did coin us
Hello, world! You're life's begun!




[1] Quote/paraphrase from "Hamlet", although he was speaking of death....

[2] It's widely believed that Julius Caesar was born via the "Cesarean section" or "C-section", and that the operation was named after him, and/or that he was named after it, but none of that is true. No geeky explanation of the truth here, but if you're interested, Wikipedia is informative on both his name and the name of the operation. Might as well use the myth in the song, though.

[3] Very old (and sexist) joke:

Q: Why does it take three million sperm to fertilize one egg?
A: Because they won't stop to ask for directions.

© 2009 Tommy Turtle. All rights reserved. E-mail: tomm...@yahoo.com

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
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 2   0
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 3   0
 0
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 4   0
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 5   8
 8
 8
 

User Comments

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Fiddlegirl - July 30, 2009 - Report this comment
Unique conception... and artfully close to the OS! Would 3 5s be triplets or quints? Or a set of triplet quinces? Brilliant anyway you look at it!
AFW - July 30, 2009 - Report this comment
A remarkable tale of tails
TJC - July 30, 2009 - Report this comment
This parody was truly above the femur and way 'superior' to the cuboid! Loverly interweaving of history, hysteria n' hijinx... hystoryonicx?
Andy Primus - July 30, 2009 - Report this comment
Enjoyed this the best of the 3 - especially liked the Caesar verse
Tommy Turtle - July 30, 2009 - Report this comment
Fiddlegirl: Unique, but not immaculate, huh? :) ... ummm, maybe pentadecouplets (heroic or otherwise), which makes this 1.875 x the Octomom. ... Funny comment any way you look at it, and the author, like all men, finds the topic interesting, any way you look at it (inverted preferred). Thanks for your exceptional reception of the inception of my perception of this interoceptional and intussusceptional topic! stuff, I know that you know that that's called "HTML", but what I bet you didn't know is what it stands for: "How To Make Linebreaks". ... oh, don't thank me; always happy to share my knowledge! AFW: Well put! ... thanks for v/c.
Wow, did that reply get messed up! Please ignore! - July 30, 2009 - Report this comment
Second try, and unlike most movie sequels, let's hope it comes out better than the first:

Fiddlegirl: Unique, but not immaculate, huh? :) ... ummm, maybe pentadecouplets (heroic or otherwise), which makes this 1.875 x the Octomom. ... Funny comment any way you look at it, and the author, like all men, finds the topic interesting, any way you look at it (inverted preferred). Thanks for your exceptional reception of the inception of my perception of this interoceptional and intussusceptional topic!

btw, another step of your initiation into the Sanctum Sanctorum: being "artfully close to the OS" is known as "syllable matching", and generally is awarded bonus points as being more difficult than merely being funny, punny, and clever while rhyming and pacing correctly. ... and regarding that < br > stuff, I know that you know that that's called "HTML", but what I bet you didn't know is what it stands for: "How To Make Linebreaks". ... oh, don't thank me; always happy to share my knowledge!

AFW: Well put! ... thanks for v/c.

TJC: But it was far inferior to the crest of Homer's famous tail, "The Iliac", was it not? ... And since you seem to know so much about anatomy, kindly explain why the cervical vertebrae are so far from the cervix? You'd think they'd practically be neighbors! (Don't bother, I know.) ... Lastly (thank goodness), given the etymology, why isn't it called it "hersteria"? Those goofy Greek geeks -- always confusing "hys" and "her", judging by their backdoor boudoir behavior!

Andy Primus: It was the author's fave of the three as well, which is why it was saved for last. Glad someone agreed, and thanks for your august, Imperial comment and vote!
alvin - July 30, 2009 - Report this comment
lmao @ "don't smell below it"
Mark Scotti - July 31, 2009 - Report this comment
Sounds like a nw version of The Discovery Channel......as done by Playboy!!! Fives for "diving" into this subject!
Tommy Turtle - July 31, 2009 - Report this comment
alvin: thanks for picking up on that OS match-line! :)

Mark Scotti: As per "Pelagic", the writer is an experienced "diver" -- and we ain't just talkin' water here! In udder words, when he dives, no mistakes -- a zero-muff-diver! ... thanks for v/c!
Peregrin - August 14, 2012 - Report this comment
A work of art! The parody also. I note with interest "The undiscover'd count-ry" line, complete with the none-too-subtle hyphen placement, for added effect. Sort of a Tasmanian 'slip of the tongue' :)
Tommy Turtle - August 14, 2012 - Report this comment
Peregrin: LOL! Indeed! ..... apparently. subtle enough to be posted and stay that way -- and what would we do without Tasmania for our steganographic refs to that "country" (pun on both Tas as a country and the undiscovered one). Thanks for read/comment! (slip of the tongue, heh heh heh)
Meriadoc - August 14, 2012 - Report this comment
I like the almost original use of "Imagine all those people!" :D
Peregrin - August 14, 2012 - Report this comment
There's an Aussie singer from mostly the 70s and 80s, Richard Clapton, who had a song "Down in the Lucky Country". Now I am forced to wonder just what he was singing about...
Tommy Turtle - August 15, 2012 - Report this comment
Meriadoc: What's this "almost" stuff? ;-D Turned the line around to a completely different meaning from JL's! -- all the people who would result were it not for the next line. (j/k, of course -- many thanks for the visit/comment as always.)

Peregrin: What about that famous Country (heh!) classic, "Been Down So Long It Looks Like Up To Me"? ... wow, we could play this game for hours, so we'd best not (food, sleep, a weekly bath... ;)

Both: TT's beak was sharp enough to read Billy Joel's mind when the latter wrote "Uptown Girl" and accidentally got a few phonemes wrong in it. Naturally, TT fixed the syllables and got Joel's subtext to come through as he no doubt intended it to:

http://www.amiright.com/parody/80s/billyjoel314.shtml
Lifeliver - September 28, 2012 - Report this comment
Esoteric or erotic? Anatomical or Tommy-canalic? I can't make up my mind. It takes some radical thinking to come up with a match like this, thus inspiring. Have a bunch of 555s for offending my mother.
Tommy Turtle - September 29, 2012 - Report this comment
Lifeliver: Shame on you for showing this to your mother! ... Wait, what's shameful about anatomical *fact*? ;)
    It also takes some "radical" (yep, I got it) thinking to nearly anagram "anatomical" and "Tommy-canalic". Nice! .... Thanks for reading and commenting.

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