Phil Neville went down to Porsche
He was looking for a set of wheels
Because he heard, he'd been given the word
They were doing some righteous deals
When he came across young Gary
Who was likewise wanting a car
And Phil said "Bro, let's give it a go
'Cause I'm faster than you are"

So Gary says "No way, man
You'll only see my back
You ain't that fast, I'll kick your ass
Come on, let's hit the track
Now you think you can drive real quick
So here's just what we'll do
I'll bet a 911 you son of a gun
Cause I think I'm quicker than you"

So Phil said "Get your timer out
And then we can begin
And I'll take your bet, you're gonna regret
Cause I'm the best that's ever been"

Gary start your engine up
And drive fast as you can
Cause you're riding in a Porsche
'Gainst a brother who's da man
And if you win
You get this shiny Porsche, you're a star
But if you lose, Phil Neville gets the car

Phil Neville finished off his lap
With scorching tyres of flame
And though he flew I guess he knew
Their split times were the same
As he got out o' his Porsche
The younger Neville said
"No more o' this crap of timing laps
It's time to race head to head"

{Sound of two flat-six 300bhp supercharged violins}

Wheels spinning on the starting line
Neck and neck round the bends
Driven insane through the chicane
Only one way this race ends:

Fire on the racetrack, turn boys turn
The Nevilles' gonna spin off, crash and burn
Pickin' at the debris, hittin' the deck
Was a new Porsche, now an old wreck

And Fergie swore and cursed them both
And said he'd take their souls
With no Neville brothers at the back
His defence was full of holes
When he saw Roy Keane belting up
Then Fergie finally twigged
That Porsche man's an Arsenal fan
I'm bettin' the cars was rigged

Fire on the racetrack, turn boys turn
Manchester United crash and burn
Bet you're wishing with every skid
You hadn't sold Beckham to Real Madrid