I found her diary underneath a tree
And started reading about me
She said she didn't like my beady eyes
Nor liked the pimples on my thighs
It said that I was loathed - my love she did deplore
But she had endurance - wanted my insurance

When she confronted with the writing there
Complained of not getting her share
It pissed me off as inconsistent with
Her total lack of int'rest there
And then it even said that I was bad in bed
I guess I should know it - she would forego it

And as I go through my life
Have to watch out for my wife
I don't think she's of sound mind

And in that diary underneath the tree
Still more was written about me
Her anger was quite thick - my tears did flow
Her meanness now was clear to see
She was to hire someone to do away with me
Wouldn't you know it - to cops I must show it

Now she's in the pen for life
And I'll find me a new wife
One that's somewhat of a twit
One that is not literate