I've got a little kitty
I think that he's unique
Because I understand him
Whene'er he tries to speak
"Miaow miaow" means "Feed me"
"Mrrawgurgle" means "I'm wet"
And when he looks at me with those big brown eyes
He says:

I ain't goin' to the vet
N-n-n-n-no way, no
I ain't goin' to the vet
Just try it, I'll give you somethin'
You never will forget
No, no, no, no
I ain't goin' to the vet

And now I'm feeling bitter
My hands are bleeding sore
Can't get him to the doctor
[He] Knows what he'll go there for
He knows that working balls are good balls
Losing them he would regret
Yes, the thought does make him fret
So then he scratches me with those big long claws
And says:

I ain't goin' to the vet
B-b-b-b-bollocks, no
I ain't goin' to the vet
You won't use, no won't use
My balls for castanets
No, no, no, no
I ain't goin' to the vet

[Solo that sounds like a cat howling]

Working balls are good balls
Do you want a psycho pet?
'Cause that's just what you'll get
If you (scratch 'n' scratch 'n') stick me into that big brown box
No way...

I ain't goin' to the vet
Test- test- test- testacles
I ain't goin' to the vet
It's something, it's something
I call Feline Roulette
Miaow, miaow, miaow
I ain't goin' to the vet