On the first day of my lessons
I had never golfed in my life
I bought clubs and gloves and golf cart things
Lots of ointment for bee stings
The first thing I did was to lie 'bout myself
I said I was so great
This guy was not so impressed by that
Cause he called me feather weight

I felt like a zero on a course with OJ
He's too good to hang out with the guy
If you're carefull you won't step on his pride
You stay clear of him cause he's got a mean slice
La, la ...

After two holes on the toughest course
My face began to turn red
After three holes I was mad of course
I was furious cause he was ahead
You think anyone would use a wood in the woods?
Should have prob'ly used a sand wedge

I felt like a zero on a course with OJ
He's too good to hang out with the guy
If you're carefull you won't step on his pride
You stay clear of him cause he's got a mean slice
La, la ...

(guitar course)

After nine holes I just called it a day
'Cause the Juice'd all but beaten me
I tossed clubs and gloves and golf cart things
All the ointment for bee stings
I motioned for a rematch with him at mini golf
But it didn't impress a bit
"That's just for sissies," cried the man of the hour
"If it don't fit you must've quit"

You see, I felt like a zero on a course with OJ
He's too good to hang out with the guy
If you're carefull you won't step on his pride
You stay clear of him cause he's got a mean slice
La, la ...