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Song Parodies -> "I've Never Laid a Southern Californian"

Original Song Title:

"It Never Rains In Southern California"

Original Performer:

Albert Hammond

Parody Song Title:

"I've Never Laid a Southern Californian"

Parody Written by:

Stuart McArthur

The Lyrics

no, not autobiographical, people! - (I've laid thousands of 'em)
Got on
board a west-bound 7-47
coz I know there's something I just gotta do
oh, I've seen a lot of Baywatch
O.C, Melrose, day-soaps
It's true • it's gotta be true

see, I've never laid a Southern Californian
seems I must be the one bloke whose score is nil
I've never laid a Californian
but surely
by the morning
I will! Man, I will!

I'm out to score, I'm out to bed
unlike POTUS Bill, I don't want head
it's understood they can't be dead, or mentally ill
I've never laid a Californian
but surely by the morning
I will! Man, I will!

Will you tell the folks back home, I really wowed ‘em
that I had girls queueing up to have a root
Please don't tell them how they tied me
up, and then defiled me
took my wallet
took my suit

So I never laid a Southern Californian
In Frisco, San Diego, or LA
I never laid a Californian
because (and heed my warning)
they're gay! Man, they're gay!

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.9
How Funny: 4.9
Overall Rating: 4.9

Total Votes: 12

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 2   0
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 3   0
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 4   1
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 5   11
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User Comments

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Royce Miller - February 04, 2005 - Report this comment
and you scored, man you scored?
Stuart McArthur - February 04, 2005 - Report this comment
well, er, not exactly, Royce, but don't tell "the folks back home" :-)
Robert J. Pagliaro - February 04, 2005 - Report this comment
Enjoyable read, nice write.
Arwen - February 04, 2005 - Report this comment
LOL, Stu!
alvin rhodes - February 04, 2005 - Report this comment
man, i roared...how i roared...5s
Kristof Robertson - February 04, 2005 - Report this comment
How long has it been since I've heard the word "root" used in this context? A bloody long time, mate....555
John Jenkins - February 04, 2005 - Report this comment
Frisco is not actually "Southern" California, but it does have a lot more of the topic of your last line than we Southern Californians do. Anyway, good title, good parody, good last line.

And, Stuart, congratulations on being one of the two members I know of (along with Wilt Chamberlain) of the Multi-Thousand Lay Society.
Stuart McArthur - February 04, 2005 - Report this comment
thanks Robert, thanks Arwen, thanks alvin

yes, Kristof, I actually put that in for Merry and Pippin - it's a long-running joke we've got :-)

thanks John, and yes, I was wondering if I'd get away with it - I just wanted high profile names to make sense to people unfamiliar with California, and I though Frisco's only a few hours north of LA, so...but fair point :-)
and actually, in my mind, I must be way past Will by now ;-)
Know 1 can hear you dream - February 05, 2005 - Report this comment
I wish they all could be Californian...
Stuart McArthur - February 05, 2005 - Report this comment
God Only Knows What we'd do without them K1 - thanks :-)
Troy - February 05, 2005 - Report this comment
Great parody, all 5s mate. Nice to see some Aussie dialogue too!
Stuart McArthur - February 05, 2005 - Report this comment
Good on you, Troy! thanks mate :-)
Offender - February 07, 2005 - Report this comment
Yep, you gotta watch yourself in some of those places. As for the mentally ill... there's always been some uncertainty of how sane anyone in California really is, especially where the celebrities in all of those shows are concerned.
Stuart McArthur - February 07, 2005 - Report this comment
maybe, but does that stop them banging like a dunny door? ;-)
Meriadoc - February 08, 2005 - Report this comment
Gee Stu, when does your plane arrive at LAX? I'll be there rooting for you... ;-)
Stuart McArthur - February 08, 2005 - Report this comment
well, Merry, touching down very shortly, and, it now seems, touching down very shortly after - LOL!
Offender - February 19, 2005 - Report this comment
So actually, the jury's still out on whether they can be mentally ill?

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