Playing cricket on a tricky little wicket
My "protector" I had left on my bed
Batting ninth in the inning, but our team wasn't winning
Coz their bowler was smashing up heads
Legs were a-shakin' (long run-up he was takin')
You could tell he was after blood
My stroke was a failure; ball did crush my genitalia
And I went down with a big ol' thud
Oh God!

Part-recovered, so I went to see mum
With her dog yappin' hard at my heels
Little mutt did a piddle on my Nikes; I said "It'll
Cost you dearsee how my boot feels"
Then I took a big swing; didn't hit a thing
(Close your eyes if you don't want to watch)
Suddenly he was leapin', and I knew that I'd be weepin'
When his fangs fin'lly found my crotch

And that's why I
WALK THIS WAY!! With a sway(8x)
Testiculitis
Yes, 'tis!

School gymnastics, I was feelin' quite fantastic
Lots of cheerleaders built to impress
I was down for vaultin', (with some somersaultin')
But I got a bit distracted, I guess
I yelled an exclamation, there was no deceleration
And I knew I was not gonna clear
Heard some jock, athletic, yelling "call a paramedic!
His cojones have done disappeared"
Oh dear!

See-saw swingin' with my gal in the park
But I now have no fear for my "gents"
I have been so unlucky; now my nuts are in Kentucky
Being used for experiments
Coz they got in the way, sold 'em on eBay
To a pharmaceutical company
Though I won't be a daddy, (yes, I'm no longer gonad-dy)
Well, I guess that's how it's got to be

So that's why I..
WALK THIS WAY! With a sway
WALK THIS WAY! Not OK
WALK THIS WAY! Need first aid
WALK THIS WAY! Can't get laid
WALK THIS WAY! Happy? Nay
WALK THIS WAY! Don't partay..
WALK THIS WAY! Legs are splayed
WALK THIS WAY! Price I paid
No daughters or sons
No plumbs!