Hello, barkeep, my old friend,
I've come for sauce from you again.
Double vision has got me seeing
Pink pachyderms that are peeing,
And they're pissin' on pea plants on steep terrain
Plus romaine.
I must be soused on sidecars.

I rest on, when I'm wobbly stoned,
Narrow streets of cobblestone.
When I wake up I'm very cramped
'cause many shoe soles over me have tramped.
Then my eyes are stabbed by the flash of the morning light,
Chasing out night.
I, lush, was soused on sidecars.

Awake, I'm naked, and they saw
Me, passing people by the score:
People gawking at my spout leaking,
Peeing, 'cause 'bout men's room I's dreaming.
Peevish uptight cops--the boys in blue were there
And said, "Beware,
The jerk is soused on sidecars."

Drool spat I, saying, "You know--
Sidecars I sipped. . .pants no mo'."
I heard words from Officer McGrew:
"The long arm of the law must take you.
You've disturbed the peace through sidecar hell.
Now, let's go
You smell of side' barf."

And the people yowled and brayed
Like a neocon tirade.
Then the sarge gave them a warning,
'bout the angry mob they're forming.
And the sarge said, "This mob you must stop it,"
Then hit them in the jugs and balls,
Made ten of them fall.
Then whisked me soundlessly inside car.