Song Parodies -> A Higher Grade of Nails

Original Song Title:	"A Whiter Shade of Pale"
Original Performer:	Procol Harum

Parody Song Title:	"A Higher Grade of Nails"
Parody Written by:	Jan Unwin

I tripped upon the vinyl
Sprawled halfway 'cross the floor
The carpet corners stick up
I can't open the front door
Sheetrock was crumbling 'round me
As the ceiling flew away
I don't need to hire help 'cause
I can do things my own way

I just know it's not my fault so
I'm sticking to my tale
Just need a bigger glue stick
And a higher grade of nails

I said "I ain't no builder
And no permit for me"
But I suspect the only problem
Is product quality
One of sixteen brands of hammers
Finding one that hits those heads
Wound up with a flawed screwdriver
Or it just might be the threads

I'm not calling a contractor
I'm still sticking to my tale
It's this crap I bought, so mostly
Need a higher grade of nails

Repeat 2x

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Guy - February 12, 2004 - Report this comment

Sure it's not the hammer? I had a left handed one once and couldn't hit the broad side of a barn with it. Great parody of a great song. Well done.

Johnny D - February 12, 2004 - Report this comment

Great job, Jan. 5's

Here's my own parody of "A Whiter Shade of Pale":

http://www.amiright.com/parody/60s/procolharum1.shtml

Phil Alexander - February 12, 2004 - Report this comment

Guy - I can't hit a barn with a left-handed hammer either: I am left-handed, but there are no barns within hammer range. Anyway, super parody, Jan - and didn't you find the bucket was too heavy, too? (if so, you might want to try out a lighter make of pail... ;-) )

16 Vestral Virgins - February 12, 2004 - Report this comment

As you called out for more votes - the waiter brought you 5's.

16 Kestrel Surgeons - February 12, 2004 - Report this comment

And so it was that later
As we tore off our prey's head
That dead vole at first just mousey
Turned a brighter
Shade of RED

16 Minstrel Sturgeons - February 12, 2004 - Report this comment

We're swimming for the coast. LOL

16 Wastrels Splurgin' - February 12, 2004 - Report this comment

And though the stores were open
They might just as well've been closed

Birgitta - February 12, 2004 - Report this comment

Jan,the title grabbed my attention,I was on my way out-just love the title though.You paint a very vivid picture here! (I can see me rippin' up the house,falling everywhere..lol) I read 'We Can Jerk It Out' as well,good stuff. :-) TC Birgitta

16 Best Detergents - February 12, 2004 - Report this comment

That were cleaning dirty clothes...

16 Breastful Jacksons - February 12, 2004 - Report this comment

Titillating coast-to-coast...

16 Dietitians - February 12, 2004 - Report this comment

Who are cleavering the roast. And though our mouths are open, They might just feed us wheat toast.

16 Politicians - February 12, 2004 - Report this comment

Who were sleazing for the votes
And though the polls were open
They might just as well've been closed

And so it was that later
Bill and Hillary for sale
Dubya's ass at first just hairy
Grew a furry
Weasel tail

6 Ancestral Germans - February 12, 2004 - Report this comment

Who were sleeping off a toast. And though the wine was opened, They ingested beer the most.

The Other 10 Ancestral Germans - February 12, 2004 - Report this comment

Ja, vee made it to zee coast already, und Ahhnold picked us up in das boot (he's actually Austrian but vee still like him).

6 Teenage Insurgents - February 12, 2004 - Report this comment

Oh, well, another day in the office shot to hell. We are impressed. Please to identify yourself.

6 Dean Campaign Workers - February 12, 2004 - Report this comment

Who were feeling so alone
And though Howie was smiling
It was jus' cuz' he was stoned

Sistine Chapel Urchins - February 13, 2004 - Report this comment

We split the last tan mango - raced Hot Wheels 'cross the floor... I was sniffing piles o' Bisquick - The cows crawled out the door. The groom was hurling harder - 'Til his earrings flew away, And we called out for more brie-ie-ie, Potatoes and pa-te.

Meriadoc - February 13, 2004 - Report this comment

Very clever one Jan!

Jay W - February 14, 2004 - Report this comment

Home Depot should be calling soon. Yes, very clever

Paul Wooten - February 16, 2004 - Report this comment

I'm just a blighter made of ale, so what do I know, but very good. 555

Adagio - April 02, 2004 - Report this comment

Very good, Jan! Must be from the perspective of guys who hate to call for help. 5's

Frank, the Sailor - July 02, 2004 - Report this comment

I thought this porody was positively ghastly. It was crap, and I am now ashamed to show my face in public. It is sad that you take a great work of art and joke about it in your jokingly jokeful way, you jokesters. I blow my nose at you. BBBAAAAAAAAHHH!

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Song Parodies -> A Higher Grade of Nails

"A Whiter Shade of Pale"

Procol Harum

"A Higher Grade of Nails"

Jan Unwin

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