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Song Parodies -> "Where Have All The Writers Gone?"

Original Song Title:

"Where Have All The Flowers Gone?"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Pete Seeger

Parody Song Title:

"Where Have All The Writers Gone?"

Parody Written by:

Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

...and "journalists", "editors", etc... OS lyrics here.

Where have all the writers gone?
Sharp and classy
Where have all the good ones gone?
Long time, no show
Where has punctuation gone?
Send text message or IM
Grammers and speling, spurn
They do not want to learn

Parody's tradition seen:
Allan Sherman
Alfred E.'s "Mad Magazine"
Weird Al Yank-o
Where, today, a witty pun?
SAT scores dive to 201 [1]
You must pay dues to earn
Acclaim for which you yearn

Where has English language gone?
Mangled crassly
"Culture studies": lots more fun
Don't want to know
Where have tense and number gone?
Adverbs? "Quick" and "slow", they run!
Why don't the teachers teach...
...To parse the parts of speech?

Where have all the teachers gone?
Unions, joining
'Stead of grades, they focus on:
High self-esteem
Self-esteem: not gift, but won
Earn esteem by learning, son!
Some midnight candles, burn
Your own taskmaster, stern

Why are modern students stuck?
Barely passing
"Dude, like, you know, WTF?" --
-- Next grade, you go!
Why is U.S. future bleak? --
No one who can write or speak!
I fear; sincere concern:
Soon, someone else's turn



[1] For those outside the US, the SAT (originally, "Scholastic Aptitude Test"), is a common college-entrance criterion. Verbal and mathematical abilities are scored on a scale of 200 to 800, with a median of 500.

Fun fact: SAT scores declined steadily in the latter half of the twentieth century. The solution was not to improve the US educational system (duh!), but to make the SAT easier. In 1994, the SAT was "dumbed down" to re-center the falling average scores back to around 500. So, if you took the SAT post-1994, you should subtract about 70 points from the verbal and about 20 or 30 points from the math to see what your scores would have been if you had taken it when we fossils did. If subtraction is too difficult, there is a free, handy calculator to convert old and new SAT scores here.

Read or comment as "quickly" or "slowly" as you like, just not "quick" or "slow" :-) ... and a much more positive spin is coming very quickly, probably tomorrow. © 2007 Tommy Turtle. All rights reserved.

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 13

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 0
 0
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
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 4   0
 0
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 5   13
 13
 13
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Jason - October 01, 2007 - Report this comment
Very good Mr Turtle! One writer is still here at least! (Myself that is!)
alvin - October 01, 2007 - Report this comment
on my last SAT test ?...i got....drool ! .......... funny concept here
Project Sisyphus - October 01, 2007 - Report this comment
Wow—so funny, sad and true. The writers haven't disappeared though; they're just writing their own blogs for no $, since there are no gigs anymore. Sigh...
John Barry - October 01, 2007 - Report this comment
Let me bolster your self-esteem with a 555 test score. Where have all the grammatically challenged gone? Into high-tech marketing.
Susanna Viljanen - October 01, 2007 - Report this comment
Umm... family, work, real life? 555
AFW - October 01, 2007 - Report this comment
Highly prolific job here, Mr. T
TT - October 01, 2007 - Report this comment
Jason, alvin, Project Sisyphus, John Barry, Susanna Viljanen, AFW, thanks.
2Eagle - October 01, 2007 - Report this comment
..........and why are people talking in abbreviations?
PMS - October 01, 2007 - Report this comment
I agree with John barry
Below Average Dave - October 01, 2007 - Report this comment
Why are people talking in abbreviations. . .Writers. . .I thought maybe this was going to be some type of AmIRight tribute to those who weren't around anymore, alas, I would have liked that but this was far better. As for SAT scores dropping, I too can say I am not surprised, all of our money goes to 'corrections' (or the lynch mob mentality) rather than educating people, better education=lower crime=less expense for corrections, love the parody, love you as a writer.
Tommy Turtle - October 01, 2007 - Report this comment
2Eagle, sorry for abbreviating my nick in the comment right above yours :) ... maybe the line about text message and IM answers the question? Thanks 2E. ... oops, I mean 2Eagle.
PMS, I nearly always do.... oh, the marketing, yeah. thanks P!
Below Average Dave: That thought ran though TT's pea-brain also, about how three years ago a song would get 30-40 comments, and so many good writers aren't here any more. Had to get this off the chest -- but you could do that sequel, about the writers who've left. Love ya too, bro... thanks.
MrMacphisto - October 01, 2007 - Report this comment
So true... 5-5-5
TJC - October 01, 2007 - Report this comment
Their u go agen, TT! Alot of us had thunk we was allright--now yuve busted are bubble... we now no we wont never make it in to "Whose Hoose" of pairadists! [Perfectly filling that needy niche for seriously scathing parody]
TT - October 01, 2007 - Report this comment
MrMacphisto, thanks.
TJC, sory bout tht... [Thanks for complying complaisantly with a complete complement of complimentary commentary.)
stuart mcarthur - October 02, 2007 - Report this comment
well I know from personal experience how close this subject is to your heart TT, but I must especially applaud, among others, your "students stuck/WTF" couplet - 555
TT - October 02, 2007 - Report this comment
stuart mcarthur, you are so right... thanks for perceptive comment and vote, stu.
Andria - October 19, 2007 - Report this comment
Here is yet another writer, who thinks that the federal prison system is run better than the public school system. As someone who was denied a year of her education, was treated like trash because I was different and was sexually harassed every day from 6th grade on because of my long curly red hair and curviness and the insistence that everyone (not just teachers) join a union, I think that the school system should have every day but Sunday (sorry, Jews and 7th-day Adventists) dedicated to schoolwork, with no breaks and non-unionized teachers. Capital punishment for gun-, knife- or bomb-toting students would be a plus too. 555
TT - October 19, 2007 - Report this comment
Andria, thanks for the vote and for sharing.
Guy - October 19, 2007 - Report this comment
Know child left behind? I do and lots of them. Well written and powerful Mr. Turtle. My brother was a high school math teacher and a real arse toward me because I didn't want to dodge the draft like he did during the Vietnam war and go to college and become a teacher so to avoid the draft through deferment. I believe he has retired now but am not sure since I have not spoken to him since our mother's passing in 1998. I too succesfully avoided the draft by joining the USAF way back when the war was in full gear. I have seen and been more places and lived in more diverse cultures in 21 years than he can ever dream of. I can't speak for what kind of teacher he was but if he treated his students half as bad as he treated me then he has had only exasperated the declining situation in the public school system. He was always a follow the rules to the book kind of guy but not me - no risk - no reward. We need more teachers than can learn to interpret the spirit and intent of the rules that we are subjected to instead of being mindless automatons. Therein lies part of the problem. I'm giving this parody the high fives!
Tommy Turtle - November 26, 2009 - Report this comment
Guy: Sorry I missed this comment for, oh, two years or so.... Agree 100% with perceptive perspective on the school system. Thanks for vote and insightful comment.
Stan Hall - November 26, 2009 - Report this comment
Glad I saw your delayed response to Guy's comment, else I'd likely never have seen this superbly stated bit of truth.
Tommy Turtle - November 27, 2009 - Report this comment
Stan Hall: Thanks for following the reply, and for your kind comment and vote.
Stan Hall - November 29, 2009 - Report this comment
Heck, scanning the "Latest Comments" has not infrequently led me to good things I hadn't seen when originally posted.
Tommy Turtle - November 30, 2009 - Report this comment
Well, I've posted 327 songs over almost four years, so if there are any you haven't read yet... :-) :-) KIDDING! :-) :-)

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