~

[Slash]
You keep claimin’ you’re ‘Mandingo Hendrix’
Ravin’ that your axe is 'The Best'
You’re Cheap Trick’in more than you’ve been a riffin’
And with rhinestone gig bags, dude, like you’re obsessed

[Eric Clapton]
These lutes ain’t made for rockin’
So what you tryin’ ta do…
Pluckin’ away on lutes--while flauntin’ blood-red Jimmy Choos?

(To walking bass line: Pluck-strum, pluck-strum, pluck-strum, pluck-strum, pluck-strum, pluck-strum, pluck-strum, pluck-strum… sproing!)

[Jimmy Page]
You keep plinkin’ when you ought’a be thrashin’
And you’re limp-wristin’ when you ought’a ‘speed fret’
You keep lamin’ when you ought’a be a’ flamin’
And dude, Renaissance sho *ain’t* what Kiss fans ‘get’

[Prince]
These lutes ain’t made for rockin’,
So what you tryin’ ta do?
One of these days these lutes you’ll find—Baroque’en clean in two!

(To sashaying bass line: Dumb-dumb, Dumb-dumb, Dumb-dumb, Dumb-dumb, Dumb-dumb, Dumb-dumb, Dumb-dumb, Dumb-dumb, …sproing!)


[Mandingo].
You keep sayin’ “That dude's lutes are fruitwood!”
And Judas Priest should give 'em both ‘last rites’
Ha!
I just got me a Strato-Asster™ sitar (yeah!)
My Gender-Bendin’ Fender™ zither’s tight
But lutes is made for rockin’
n' rollin' Woodstock 2
One of these days these lutes are gonna bitch slap Mötley Crüe!

(To wildly hip-thrustin' bass line: Pluck-schmuck, squeek-squawk, plink-tink, clank-skank plunk-clunk, riff-raff, lick-laugh, fret-nyet…sproing!)

Are you ready lutes? Start rockin’!

~
(Mandingo, alone in mid-state New York at site of original Woodstock festival, mewling to an empty field: “Lyre, lyre, pants on fyre!”)
~