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Song Parodies -> "This Gun Is Made For Shootin'"

Original Song Title:

"These Boots Are Made For Walkin'"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Nancy Sinatra

Parody Song Title:

"This Gun Is Made For Shootin'"

Parody Written by:

Offender

The Lyrics

In addition to the Second Amendment, I think the First Amendment is a strong defense for gun ownership rights as well: guns may not make very eloquent speakers, but nothing else expresses our extreme disapproval of violent criminals so clearly and profoundly, not to mention effectively.
This Gun Is Made For Shootin'
By Offender

You keep saying gun control is good for us;
You say I'm the bad guy, but confess:
You're just waitin' ‘til you get out of prison,
So you can rob me and kill me like the rest.

This gun is made for shootin', and that's just what I'll do:
One of these days, I'll shoot this gun and blow a hole in you.

You keep cryin' to escape execution.
You told them a big wad of lies, I bet.
You say killing you's a bad solution,
But they ain't tried to solve this problem yet.

This gun is made for shootin', and that's just what I'll do:
One of these days, I'll shoot this gun and put an end to you.

They kept sayin' things they shouldn't be sayin'
They let you out of prison though they should not.
(Ha!) I just bought me some brand new hollow-points, (yeah!)
And you just broke in; now you're gonna get shot!

This gun is made for shootin', and now that's what I'll do:
Any moment, I'll shoot this gun and make a mush of you!

Are you ready, chum? Start cryin'!

[Well-timed gunshots, cries of pain, and
sounds of bloody pulp hitting the wall follow.]

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 3.5
How Funny: 3.8
Overall Rating: 3.8

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

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User Comments

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Stuart McArthur - February 07, 2005 - Report this comment
in australia we have strict gun control, and just a fraction of the murders per capita the US has - but maybe there's no connection - clever parody Offender - a bumper sticker I read once said "Guns don't kill people - I do"
Offender - February 07, 2005 - Report this comment
Indeed, there is no connection: Australia had a fraction of America's crime rate back when Aussies didn't have any gun control at all. The more relevant statistic is that Australia's violent crime rates rose after it enacted gun control, proving the policy a failure at best. In the UK, meanwhile, gun control has been such a spectacular failure that now the Brits are headed to the next level of stupidity: knife control. At this rate, criminals will soon be able to conquer whole nations with nothing more than boards with nails in them.
Michael Pacholek's Evil Twin - February 07, 2005 - Report this comment
I've just broken into your house. By the time you realize it, I'm halfway up the stairs. By the time you find your gun, I'm in your room. By the time you've got it loaded, I've smacked it out of your hand. It's skidding into the closet. You'll never get to it before I do. Before the words, "Oh, God, don't kill me!" can get out of your throat, I've choked the life out of it. And if I don't get that far that fast, what the hell makes you think your terrified, trembling hands are gonna aim properly? You're more likely to shoot your stupid guard dog that couldn't tackle the Giants' quarterbacks! In other words, no bang, you're dead. Face it: Guns don't kill people when they're used on purpose by people like you. When kept in the home, guns usually only kill people you care about by accident. Oh, wait, you believe people kill people? In that case, buddy, you're going to jail. Me? In the first scenario, I'm getting away.
Daniel Gordon - February 08, 2005 - Report this comment
Nice parody, Offender. From your comment, it seems you know the facts about guns. That Evil Twin doofus doesn't -- if "guns don't kill people" when used in self-defense, it's only because most criminals, on seeing a gun in their intended victim's hands, bust ass the other way, as well they should.
Michael Pacholek - February 08, 2005 - Report this comment
If the criminal's gotten that far, the homeowner's more scared than he is and by no means has the advantage. Wake up, you NRA morons! You are not going to shoot like Schwarzenegger! You are going to shoot, if you can even find, load and draw in time, like Barney Fife! Your gun will not save you, but it might kill someone you love! And you will then go to jail for Wayne LaPierre's sins!
Offender - February 09, 2005 - Report this comment
When the criminal's close, my gun is too and I don't have to aim. He's also scared and off-balance because he knows that in my neighborhood, a lot of people have guns and know how to use them. Best of all, because this is well-known, we have very few break-ins from the start. We're far more likely to die at the hands of fearless criminals and totalitarians than from the relatively rare mistakes and accidents of our fellow gun-owners. So hit the snooze button, NRA boosters: all that yelling was just Pacholek pretending to care about people he hates and wishes he could punish.
Red Ant - March 28, 2005 - Report this comment
455, Nothing says " Oh Sh!t, did I just hear a shotgun slide rack " or they REALLY get the point when you put that laser right in their eyeball. PS- Australia and Great Britian as you mentioned are so f***ed up by eliminating legal gun carry, criminals ( who obviously don't care about the law ) have now free range to do as they wish. I personally find it handy to have a fire extinguisher around ( good anway incase your house gets blazed ), dry chemical preferred as they are not weapons, but discharge it in someones face ( they will be blinded and aim isn't really important, and neither is " collateral damage " ), and then beat them sensless with the 5 pound cylinder. Then call the cops.
Offender - April 19, 2005 - Report this comment
In close quarters, of course, I imagine just about anything that comes to hand will do. The trouble is that if the criminal survives, he gets to sue you. A fire extinguisher is a clever and creative way of protecting yourself, but if you hit him on the head with it, he might just win his case against you for assault and battery. Yes, the courts around here are that insane...
Red Ant - April 27, 2005 - Report this comment
Thank you for the " clever and creative " mention on the fire extinguisher. EDIT: I forgot to mention in the final part of that comment that " senseless" means " dead ". Put a knife in his hand*( one that is not recognizable as belonging to you ) if he isn't already armed. THEN call the cops in hysterics as they will summon the resque squad as well. Of course, they will be too late. Watch lots of CSI so that you know how to plant evidence and get away with it. * Chances are someone struck unconcious will lose grip of the weapon so it should be a foot or two from the body ( make sure you account for the direction of travel of the body, blood spatter and whether or not the person is left or right handed, for starters ). PS- Yes, the courts are insane. That's why you kill them ( chances are the loser has no family to sue you for " wrongful death " ).Almost Final Note: Guns are messy and gunshot residue can be easily proved. Why splatter his brains against the wall and have to repaint/replace the wall and everything around it when you can just replace a rug? Kill smart not hard. Better yet, don't ever try to break into my house ( nothing worth stealing anyways ). FINAL NOTE: DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME!! THE Red Ant TAKES NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR ACTIONS!! ALTERING CRIME SCENES IS A FELONY. SO IS USING EXCESSIVE FORCE.THIS COMMENT IS NOT TO BE TAKEN LITERALLY!!
Ethan Mawyer - November 02, 2005 - Report this comment
So you can get sued for reasonable self-defense but you can't get sued by the criminal/victim's estate for the unnecessary use of deadly force? I can't believe any court can be that crazy.

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