Ask Bill 'who is Pippin?'
And ask Bill 'who is Mer?'
And we'll all keep Malcolm guessing
Till he pulls out all his hair

Go ask Billy
He won't tell I swear

And if Mal goes chasing hobbits
And he's looking for applause
Tell 'im a-findin' any extra parts might
Be givin' 'im some pause

Ask Billy
Won't tell just because

When the girls 'neath the covers
Get up and tell Mal he's a wiz
And Mal hopes there's no kind of mushroom
No wrong parts there touching his

Go ask Billy
Is Mal in bliss?

When gender is a-blurring
'Round Malcolm's spinning head
And those hobbits claim androgyny
And they think Mal's good in bed

Ask Billy how that password goes:
"Oreos" "Oreos" "Oreos"