I'm just no good at kung fu
can't break my ti-les in two
I guess I don't have the touch
I wanna break 'em so much
those darn tiles think they're so tough
but my hand's NOT sharp enough
because whatever I do
I just can't break them in two

okay I noticed you stare-
-ing at this headband I wear
it's like Karate Kid's, see
I just re-hired the movie
and although YOU might well scoff
I've mastered "wipe on / wipe off"
which sadly don't translate to
breaking these tiles for you


I've tried hand lo - tion
(though mostly calomine)

I've tried slow mo - tion
like David Carradine

I get emo - tional
'bout my girlie display


Please sensei, let me
try hitting softer tiles

my wife she bet me
karate's not my style

she won't respect me
if the tiles get their way


I can't believe that kung fu's
so frickin painful to do
coz when I look at Bruce Lee
he makes it seem so easy
he always wins all his fights
and comes across oh so wise
I'm sure that I would be too
if I could break these in two


I'm more depressed - than
I think I've ever felt

coz I'm still less - than
a dumb magenta belt

You keep suggest - in'
I try origam - i


I'd throw the towel in
if it were not my dream

to be a Shao Lin
in that cool Shao Lin scene

up on that mountain
practising my tai chi


So sensei PLEASE bring
me a few pre-cracked tiles

It isn't cheating
if it aint on your files...





(If I could break one tile, I promise I'll leave......)