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Song Parodies -> "Can't Break My Tiles In Two"

Original Song Title:

"Can't Take My Eyes Off You"

Original Performer:

Frankie Valli

Parody Song Title:

"Can't Break My Tiles In Two"

Parody Written by:

Stuart McArthur

The Lyrics

At a certain point in his kung fu training, grasshopper approaches master sensei with troubles on his mind............ Original Song here


I'm just no good at kung fu
can't break my ti-les in two
I guess I don't have the touch
I wanna break 'em so much
those darn tiles think they're so tough
but my hand's NOT sharp enough
because whatever I do
I just can't break them in two

okay I noticed you stare-
-ing at this headband I wear
it's like Karate Kid's, see
I just re-hired the movie
and although YOU might well scoff
I've mastered "wipe on / wipe off"
which sadly don't translate to
breaking these tiles for you


I've tried hand lo - tion
(though mostly calomine)

I've tried slow mo - tion
like David Carradine

I get emo - tional
'bout my girlie display


Please sensei, let me
try hitting softer tiles

my wife she bet me
karate's not my style

she won't respect me
if the tiles get their way


I can't believe that kung fu's
so frickin painful to do
coz when I look at Bruce Lee
he makes it seem so easy
he always wins all his fights
and comes across oh so wise
I'm sure that I would be too
if I could break these in two


I'm more depressed - than
I think I've ever felt

coz I'm still less - than
a dumb magenta belt

You keep suggest - in'
I try origam - i


I'd throw the towel in
if it were not my dream

to be a Shao Lin
in that cool Shao Lin scene

up on that mountain
practising my tai chi


So sensei PLEASE bring
me a few pre-cracked tiles

It isn't cheating
if it aint on your files...





(If I could break one tile, I promise I'll leave......)


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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.9
How Funny: 4.9
Overall Rating: 4.9

Total Votes: 19

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 0
 0
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   1
 1
 1
 
 4   0
 0
 0
 
 5   18
 18
 18
 

User Comments

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Matthias - September 05, 2007 - Report this comment
HI-YAH!!!!!
John Barry - September 05, 2007 - Report this comment
This broke me up.
Jack Wilson - September 05, 2007 - Report this comment
That was awesome! 5s
alvin - September 05, 2007 - Report this comment
had me gigglin'
MasonR - September 05, 2007 - Report this comment
Well done, Grasshopper!
2Eagle - September 05, 2007 - Report this comment
Clever, but better to wear a prayer shawl and a yarmulke.
Jason - September 05, 2007 - Report this comment
Funny!!!!!!!!! Now come and help me with my floor tiles! 555
AFW - September 05, 2007 - Report this comment
Many smiles in these tiles...this floored me
stuart mcarthur - September 05, 2007 - Report this comment
thanks Matthias, JAB, Jack, alvin, MasonR, 2Eagle, Jason and AFW
Lionel Mertens - September 05, 2007 - Report this comment
You think trying to break tiles is tough, try fighting a pig that knows karate. One pork ch op and I was on the ground. Ouch! 5's
Red Ant - September 05, 2007 - Report this comment
Try using a sledgehammer: that's what I did when we remodeled the bathroom years ago. I guess that would be considering cheating though. "to be a Shao Lin in that cool Shao Lin scene" cracked me up. Nice references to KK as well. "rehired"? is that the same as "rerented"? 5s
TJC - September 05, 2007 - Report this comment
Kick! Biff! Punch! Chop! Scythe! Own! Stewart does it all and marvelously... perfect pacing and quirky humor bringing a tile to everyone's lips!
John Jenkins - September 06, 2007 - Report this comment
Clever title and parody, particularly the substitions and conclusion.
Meriadoc - September 06, 2007 - Report this comment
Loved the magenta belt line! ;-D
stuart mcarthur - September 06, 2007 - Report this comment
lol Lionel (groan)

thanks Jack - don't you guys use "re-hired"? you do have the word "hire" don't you?

thanks TJC and JJ and Meriadoc (I would have guessed you would have liked that line Merry :-))
Red Ant - September 06, 2007 - Report this comment
Of course we have "hire" here, lol! "Rehire(d)", here, would mean to employ someone who used to work for you. "Rerent(ed)" would be to get a movie you have rented before, or to provide a place of living for a former tenant (although with the latter, it would be more like "I rented to Stu again. I decided he was okay after all." =)).

Who knew the English language was so complicated? Everybody? That's what I thought... ;)
Kristof Robertson - September 06, 2007 - Report this comment
Wonderful fun, grasshopper! And to one of my "guilty pleasures" OSes as well....but you are a bit of a wimp, aintcha? ;-) 555
Ann Hammond - September 06, 2007 - Report this comment
I laughed
Agrimorfee - September 25, 2007 - Report this comment
(ABC4) Funny...the syllable stretching in certain lines bugged me, though.
bobpiecheese - October 01, 2007 - Report this comment
(ABC4) Remember, young Grasshopper, when one tries to break the tile, take these 5's and think 'There is no tile, but there is 5'.
Below Average Dave (badave.com) - October 03, 2007 - Report this comment
(ABC4) It was good, but I must say I have read better by you--but then again, that's not really a fair comment considering the quality of your work
Cat - October 03, 2007 - Report this comment
(ABC) Heh, reminds me of when I once attempted martial arts and could never even do a forward roll. Great job.
Mikey Squirrel - October 03, 2007 - Report this comment
ABC4- Good work, Stu. Now maybe you can graduate to blocks of ice!
Jeff Reuben - October 03, 2007 - Report this comment
Well, I was going to suggest starting with paper, or wet leaves, or... :) Well done!

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