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Song Parodies -> "Mix Dusty Springfield; Hamlet, Too"

Original Song Title:

"I Only Want To Be With You"

Original Performer:

Dusty Springfield

Parody Song Title:

"Mix Dusty Springfield; Hamlet, Too"

Parody Written by:

Fiddlegirl and Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

Were FG/TT's two economics parodies yesterday "too intellectual"? .... TT's done "Hamlet" eight times -- is that too stuffy? Is Shakespeare too hard to read with all that weird Middle English, forsooth?

Fear not! This bouncy 60s pop tune seems to be quite popular as an OS here, so here is Hamlet's famous Soliloquy set to Dusty's rock 'n roll. ... What light through yonder Windows™ breaks? Watch TT feast, and Fiddlegirl add a pun! (Oops, those were matches to "Romeo and Juliet", not "Hamlet". Sorry.)

Video of original 45-rpm OS (Dusty, not Hamlet ;) here. Best transcription of OSolil: here; searching "not to" will bring it right up.

To be, or not to be; that is the question here
To kill myself right now, or face the facts I fear
'Cause out-rageous fortune has come to me
Could end it all with just a stroke of knife, or three
Poor Hamlet: feeling blue
And Dusty ain't too happy, too [1]

Don't think of "death", but rather, sleeping evermore
To end unending heartaches, just relax and snore
My poor flesh is heir to ... a thousand shocks
To consummate their end: idea that really rocks!
I'm crazy, but sane, too [2]
They'll not guess what I want to do!

To sleep, perchance to dream
Sounds good, but you take a chance
Shuffle off of this mortal coil [3]
You might with the Devil, dance

That isn't funny!

Think about it; hesitate, perhaps, a hair
And put up with this life that often seems unfair:
"Big Broth-er" in Gummint; folks' sneering looks;
No "change" from Pres-i-dent; all politicians: crooks; [4]
Your lover's leaving you;
A world of folks without a clue!


Oh, oh, you take an "ohverdose"
Say "Good-bye" from comfy bed
No more sweating this weary world
But who knows what lies ahead? [5]

Might not be sunny!

Heaven: is it heavenly? How hot is Hell?
So many peeps have passed away, but none will tell
If I shtupped Ophelia, oh, feel such bliss
Could bear a lot of fardels for a frick' n' kiss [6]
To end life scares me so
I'll take the "blows" and stay, not go!

Just one look at her; no matter: all my sins
I think here's where the fun begins! [7]

[1] Mary Isabel Catherine Bernadette O'Brien (a/k/a Dusty Springfield, because the real name wouldn't fit on a 45-rpm record label ;) had difficulty all her life in reconciling her strict Roman Catholic faith with her lesbianism ("Out: she, or not out: she; 'haps feared rejection"), which may have played a part in her alcoholism, drug dependency, diagnosis of manic-depression, and being hospitalized several times for deliberately cutting herself. So, the mashup of the suicidal Hamlet and the self-destructive Springfield isn't as far-fetched as it seems. (At least, not to TT. YMMV.)

The fact that Hamlet's emotional problems still resonate with us 400 years later is why it's called a "classic".

[2] In the play, Hamlet fakes insanity to cover up his real mood and intentions.

[3] "coil" (from TOS - original soliloquy, not original song) = "sphere", i. e., planet

[4] Some people "believed" in it, but IOHO, Obama vs. Bush is just the same horse, different color.... oops, "horse of a different color" is a *very* old expression (probably dating back to cowboy days), but could be "misinterpreted" here. So strike that in favor of "Same useless, bumbling fool, but merely in different ways".

[5] I. e., after death

[6] "fardels" (from the play) = the burdens of life of which Prince Hamlet complained, both in his verse and ours. :)

[7] IOHO, if Hamlet were in fact shtupping Ophelia (he'd like to have, but didn't), he'd have spent a lot less time worrying about whom his mother was shtupping -- namely, his uncle. Not his mother's own brother -- *that* would be sick -- but rather, her brother-in-law, the brother of Prince Hamlet's late father, the King, who was assassinated by his own brother/Hamlet's uncle, so that said brother could take the Throne -- and also take Hamlet's mother. Which, of course, is not sick at all. :-(
(Not a spoiler; we're told that almost right from the git-go.)

*Now* doncha' wanna go read the play? :-)

© 2009 Fiddlegirl and Tommy Turtle. All rights reserved. E-mail:

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 10

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User Comments

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Phil Alexander - December 17, 2009 - Report this comment
TT, or not FG? That is the question..

..speaking as somebody who's parodied both this OS and Hamlet's soliloquy, I enjoyed this immensely :-)
Old Man Ribber - December 17, 2009 - Report this comment
What (delightful) fools these mortals be! ;D
Mark Scotti - December 17, 2009 - Report this comment
'What laughs, this true parody makes...." Brilliant collaboration!
TJC - December 17, 2009 - Report this comment
Shakespear's gone beyond the barricades with this gem... an *uber* clever Hamalgamation if ever there was, ewe two! (and Dusty, me thinks, would secretly be tickled to, er, death!)
AFW - December 17, 2009 - Report this comment
My Shakespeare's kinda' Dusty, I probably can't appreciate this as well it should be...but you have brought it down to earth, quite humorously.
Andy Primus - December 17, 2009 - Report this comment
TT for hot FG - That is a quest on

Excellent fit with the OS. As for her being a lesbian - why do people make such a big deal about trivial stuff (trivial to us, not her). She's a singer, so the only thing that should matter (to anyone who doesn't know her personally) is whether she's a good singer - which she certainly was.
@ Andy Primus, Things Were Different Then - December 17, 2009 - Report this comment
She was born in 1939 and became famous in the 1960s. Such things weren't so well-accepted as they are today (still some pockets of resistance). Also, it wasn't necessarily the fear of others' opinions, but as the first note says, some guilt imposed by her religious beliefs. (You know, the religion with so many gay priests.) Might have been easier on her these days.
blackjack21 - December 17, 2009 - Report this comment
FG is a lesbian? Well, as long as she plays the fiddle well and writes good parodies. ;-)
Fiddlegirl - December 17, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks to OMR, Mark Scotti, TJC (lol!), and AFW. Your votes and comments are always appreciated! :)

Phil, Andy P., and BJ21: TT and I seem to have become quite the controversial figures around here, haven't we? Perhaps TT will be so kind as to clarify matters in his response... :) Thanks for v/c! [Sec code: UMN, as in "You men!" ;) ] hehe
Timmy1k - December 17, 2009 - Report this comment
Well written and a great fit
TT @ FG - December 17, 2009 - Report this comment
I'm *hoping* that Phil's first comment was as facetious as it was clever.... Methinks thou completely misread Andy Primus' opening line -- please re-read. 'Twas quite the witty and saucy comment! And methinks blackjack21 was deliberately misreading Andy, also for the sake of humor.

Re: "TT and I seem to have become quite the controversial figures around here, haven't we?"
Remember what TT's ancestor, P. T. Barnum, said to reporters, "I don't care what you say about me, as long as you spell my name right." :-)

Yes, I know that whole TT=FG episode was rough, but really, Dear, you must not start drinking until *after* replying to comments.... :-) xoxoxo muah!
Tommy Turtle @ All Others - December 17, 2009 - Report this comment
Phil Alexander: Would this Hamlet parody help answer your first question?
Have always enjoyed your diversified education and referential span, in both your parodies and comments, so the v/c here is especially gratifying. :-) Thanks, Phil.

Old Man Ribber: Who, us? (lol!) Thanks for v/c!

Mark Scotti: Couldst kindly reiterate the "collaboration" part to Phil Alexander, "just in case" he wasn't kidding? ;-) Thanks for v/c!

TJC: "Hamalgamation" - you *kill* me! ... uh, not in the sense discussed in the parody.. ;) ... and being tickled to death might be more pleasant than the exit strategies contemplated by both Hamlet and Dusty! (The latter died of breast cancer --wish they could fix that already.) Thanks for usual witty/funny v/c!

AFW: Please feel free to click the link and read the soliloquy, or better yet, the entire play -- it's at that same site. :) In the meantime, thanks for v/c!

Andy Primus: Well, at least *I* got the joke! ROFLMAO!!!! Thanks for v/c, and echo what APTWDT, a/k/a TT, said.

blackjack21: So, you're accusing FG of being born in 1939, which would make her 70 years old? Methinks you'd best watch yer back, and if ya see an angry FG comin' at ya, hit the road, (black)Jack!       Seriously, thanks for vote and LOL comment! :-D

Timmy1k: Thanks on the writing, and as far as "great fit", were you referring to the OSs or to the authors? (heh heh heh!) ... Thanks for v/c!
jack wilson - December 18, 2009 - Report this comment
Great job! Dusty Springfield was a lesbian? I guess now she'd want a daughter of a preacher man! LOL
Tommy Turtle - December 18, 2009 - Report this comment
jack wilson, lol! ... Lesley (no pun intended) Gore came out eventually as well -- like there haven't been a lot of gay male singers -- and actors. Role switching is probably easy for singers and actors (says the former actor, quite straight, btw). Thanks for v/c!
Kristof Robertson - December 18, 2009 - Report this comment
Totally overlooked this last night, to my immense shame. This is pure GENIUS, guys! I LOVE parodies that mash the classic with the (relatively) contemporary...and this is one of the best I've read. BRAVO! 555+++
Tommy Turtle - December 18, 2009 - Report this comment
Kristof Robertson: No shame! ... just gratitude at the enthusiastic plaudits. Coming from a Master, you do us great honor, Sir... Thanks! :)
TT @ KR - December 18, 2009 - Report this comment
Hmm, a whole new genre ... methinks thou hast something there, Sir Robertson. And thou mayest yet see more, forsooth, anon.
blackjack21 @ TT - December 19, 2009 - Report this comment
Yes, deliberate misreads are kind of a hobby. And the winking emoticon- ;-) is a dead giveaway that I'm being facetious. And I will watch my back for that angry FG swingin' a mean fiddle at me. (But I think I can outrun a 70-year-old) ;-)

Oh $&!#, the code is 8TY, she's older than I thought! ;-D
TT @ blackjack21 - December 19, 2009 - Report this comment
Just as the "Seriously" is a dead giveaway that whatever I said before the "Seriously" was *not* serious, i. e., facetious. Two equally-twisted minds, but I think we understand each other well by now. (smile of good humor and friendship).

Yeah, I read the misread easily, and played along. (This sounds familiar.) Good thing they have emoticons, but methinks I'm gonna start adding outright disclaimers, like on TV:

"WARNING: The following remark may contain humor, facetiousness, or explicit sarcasm. Reader discretion is advised. "

Oh, ҐЏЭҖ: Security code W8J (true). You'd better watch your W8, Jack! .... (seriously, methinks this making something out of three random characters gets waaay overdone. I mean, with 46,656 possible permutations -- as BJ of course knows from Probability & Statistics 101 -- some number are bound to coincide with something in the Universe. ;)
NEW LINK TO OS VIDEO - March 23, 2011 - Report this comment

Old one was taken down for copyvio.
AficionaDoh! - September 20, 2011 - Report this comment
Upon re-read, I've concluded that were there a site-wide parody pantheon--a 'Top One-hundred', if you will--this gem would be firmly ensconced in the first quartile.
Tommy Turtle - September 20, 2011 - Report this comment
AficionaDoh!: Not sure what inspired the re-read, but may I/we look forward to your re-reading all 533 of my/our works? ;-D

Looking forward to your "Bill-gored Hot 100" chart", whenever it's posted! In the meantime, I believe that FG will open a quart-I'll share it with her. Thanks!

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