~

Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah
by Sarah Palin

Hello Muddah,
Hello Faddah
Here I am at
John’s head-qwadas.
I’m still nervous when campaigning
But they say that’s ‘cause I’m still his MILF in training.

I went stumping
in Nebraska;
That’s the ‘Deep South’
in Alaska.
You remember
Dick-y Cheney;
Do you think, like him, that I’ll get all Hussein-y?

With Ms. Couric
I got goofy—
Think that bitch slipped
me a Roofie!
All her liberal
snide elation
'Cause I said that
I-HOP runs the League of Nations...

All the centrists
hate the ‘neos’,
Over Lehman’s
kooky Keoghs!
You remember
global warming;
We’re denying all those hurricanes it’s forming.

Though still learning
this ‘McCaining’—
I’m like ‘dope’ at
Tina Feigning!
So my handlers
say “Stay cutesie”
But refuse to let me call my purse gun ‘Bootsie’.

I’m so sick,
oh Muddah, Faddah,
of this shtick
and those reportas!
Don’t leave me
alone with TV crews
Where I, might like have to speak my views!

Take me back,
I promise I will hunt big game
And drill more oil
I’ll e-ven name
My next two
twin ba-bies
’Rush Exxon’ and ‘Val Deez’

Dearest Daddy
Darling Mommy,
John’s so mod’rate
he’s a commie!
Let me come home
if you miss me;
I would even let Miss Winfrey hug and kiss me.

Now our party’s
polls are crashing,
Betcha ‘cause I’m
’Roe v.’ bashing!
Shrewd Barack chose
boring Biden—
John picked me 'cause Al Gore slipped him psyl-o-cibin!

~