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Song Parodies -> "Wine"

Original Song Title:

"Mine"

Original Performer:

Taylor Swift

Parody Song Title:

"Wine"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

A little whine...about wine.
Oh, oh-oh, oh-oh
Oh, oh-oh, oh-oh

Who left this bottle on our damn restaurant table?
Have it thrown out, I don't want that
It might be free shit, but the taste's appallin'
Not even a drop on my tongue, I still know it's crap
You say "That's total bullshit"
How is this hard to work out?
Won't stick that in my gullet
'Cause, cause of this one fact now:

If I want liquor, which I don't, cause I hate hangovers
I'd want somethin' without the stigma, alright
Beer's for ev'ryone, but this stuff makes you look a poser
So I will not drink any kind of wine

So snobby is the culture that surrounds this liquor
Is this one full? Who cares? Drink it up, mate
Needs a good finish, a good body and other bollocks
So much prestige for what's basic'lly old grapes
This is my piece to say
Don't you try to throw me out
Sure, I have yet to pay
But, but, Mister Waiter, hear me out:

Don't really need my liquor rated by when it's bottled
Was the best year '63? Don't care, alright
All of this snootiness makes my enjoyment feel throttled
Another reason why I don't like wine
I know you'll ask me if I've tried it and, yes, I've dabbled
A sip or two got in me, both red and white
It was all bitter, which just made me even more baffled
Who needs six umpteen diff'rent kinds of wine?
Oh, oh-oh, oh-oh

Instead of wakin' up at 2:30 AM
Inside a trash bin, naked with shoes on your hands
All that that wine'll do is give you a headache through the week
Least that's what I've been through, fine
If you got smashed on Bordeaux
Then I won't say that it's lies
But still I think this whole wine thing blows

I'm pissed, I think "liquor" and I don't think "makes you look posher"
Don't wanna be a stuck-up douche, I'll stick with beer, right
I've had enough of this industry, where's my lager?
No point in this thing that people call wine
Hold on, why'd you grab
My arm? Cut it out, man
Refusin' service? That's a giant load of pure bollocks (hold on, that's just crap)
Can't force me to ditch just cause I hate wine (hold on)

Yeah-eah, yeah-eah, yeah
I don't believe it (hold on)
Yeah-eah, yeah-eah, yeah
I'm makin' a scene now (hold on)?
Yeah-eah, yeah-eah, yeah
Yeah, I can see it
Yeah-eah, yeah-eah, yeah
Cause I'm singin' now (cause I'm singin' now, singin' now)

I don't drink, but if I did, I'm sure it'd be beer and not wine. Why? Cause in the samples I had that one time, the beer at least had a good tasted before the alcohol kicked in (especially the Bailey's - tasted like Farmer's Union Iced Coffee, swear to Batman). The wine, though? It tasted of vague nothings, if nothing tasted like butts, that is.

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 3.0
How Funny: 3.0
Overall Rating: 3.0

Total Votes: 10

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 2   0
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 3   0
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 4   0
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 5   5
 5
 5
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Peter Andersson - August 28, 2017 - Report this comment
Here's the lesson man: Red Wine makes beatches soppy, that's why the love it, hence you gotta learn to at least handle it too, if you wanna get some...
? - August 28, 2017 - Report this comment
^ So let's get this straight, you have to get a woman drunk to have sex with her? How utterly pathetic.
Peter Andersson - August 28, 2017 - Report this comment
Dear "?": If you don't know the difference between being emotional and being drunk you might wanna start pondering what other parts of your masculinity are problematic to women before your next date.
!! - August 29, 2017 - Report this comment
"Soppy" means "foolishly sentimental." So let's get this straight: you have to get a "beatch" foolishly sentimental from drinking red wine to have sex with her, i.e., "get some"? How utterly pathetic. And you have the nerve to attack another man's masculinity because he appreciates a conquest who possesses unimpaired faculties.
Peter Andersson - August 29, 2017 - Report this comment
Dear "?" - What's wrong with you? If you're that uncomfartable with a comment on someone else's parody on the site, why don't you just leave? This is a parody site, not a safe zone for the current version of moral from above. We mock around, commenting social behaviour, trends, memes and the kitchen sink if need be for a pun. We jab. We gab. We run with themes, milking them for all they're worth, in songs and comments and whatnot. We gladly cross the border between your dictionary and urban slang for additional ambiguity. Soppy spans from the official to various slang like overlapping Venn Diagrams. Like every other word that has more than one meaning. You need to get out more!

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=soppy
? - August 29, 2017 - Report this comment
If you pontificate to your beatch like that, you'll never get some.
Agree - August 29, 2017 - Report this comment
By the way, everyone should totally listen to me, because I'm an anonymous coward.
? - August 29, 2017 - Report this comment
^ And what are you who steals the pseudonyms of others and then has nothing to say?
? - August 29, 2017 - Report this comment
By the way, everyone should totally listen to me, because I, too, an anonymous coward.
Max Power - September 19, 2017 - Report this comment
The comments section seem to have gotten wasted. Anyway, cheers!
Matthias - September 20, 2017 - Report this comment
I guess this is why Count Dracula won't drink... Wine... Good job!

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