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Song Parodies -> "Fanged Face"

Original Song Title:

"Blank Space"

Original Performer:

Taylor Swift

Parody Song Title:

"Fanged Face"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

Part of my "50 Shades of Pop" self-challenge. In a world where ghouls and monsters are commonplace and common knowledge, one vampire tries the age-old tactic of seducing innocent, clueless women...and boy did he pick the wrong chick.
Man, this date has been the pits
You've been kind of an absolute creep
And I know just why that is
Not as dumb as you thought
I took one look at your face
And I knew you're of a race
That all they do is sla-a-a-ay, ey
You thought that you could lie
Pass your pale flesh off as just sunscreen
I can see it in your eyes
You thought that you could convince me
That you're not undead
Not starin' directly at my neck
Better than down my shirt, man
Won't change the fact you're an abomination

You've been at this gig forever
Been seducin' ingenue da-ames
But my eyes aren't glazin' over, mmm
At your charms cause they're just la-ame
Not your av'rage virgin sucker
This isn't Twilight, ma-ate
Opposite, in fact, I'll slay ya
Was my goal today
But I couldn't be reckless
Just stab you at that ba-ar
Didn't want a witness, mmm
When I destroy your a-arse
Had to wait until the cover
Of my own doors to sa-ay
That I saw your fanged face, ba-a-aby
And I'm gonna slay

Main pic of your profile
Was the first of many red flags, twit
You made no effort to hide
Those unnatural pointy teeth
Then you plain ignored
What I said was my job
Can't believe that you're that du-u-u-umb, oh no
My laughs spread throughout the dorms
My roommates theorised you were
Just thinkin' with your horn
And so failed to realise
This is not a movie
Where the whole world fails to see
Paranormal activity
No, ev'rybody knows that crap, it's no myst'ry

Been known openly forever
You don't need to play stupid, ma-ate
When I said I was a donor, mmm
I meant that in many wa-ays
Tried to play the charmin' lover
It was a total wa-aste
Could've checked in with BloodSavers
Quench your thirst today
So the law you have broken (oh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)
Illegal drain of bloo-ood
Subterfuge was pointless (oh), mmm
And you failed with a thu-ud
Though you did miss my jugular
I might give you a brea-eak (a break)
Just turn in your fanged face, ba-a-aby
Or I'll use my stake

Since you didn't technic'lly pu-uncture
Any necks tonight, I'll let you live, bu-uster
But if you've done way more than blu-uster
Then garlic will be your very last su-uppe-e-e-e-e-er

Haven't had this job forever
But I know the whole rulebook strai-aight
They get tricky with vampi-ires (va-ampi-ires), mmm
But the gist of it remai-ains:
You can't be a damn blood-sucker
That crap's only oka-a-ay
If you're an executioner
Two birds, one stone, great
But it seems you're a dimwit (oh-oh-oh-oh)
An absolute dumba-arse (ooh-ooh-ooh)
Or, at the least, news-less, mmm
Cast yourself in the pa-art (such a dated part)
Of the sexy hidden monster
But you still lack a brai-ain
So turn in your fanged face, ba-a-aby
Before dawn, it breaks

I wanted to have a lyric in there about how conspicuous the dude looks in his Dracula cape, maybe saying he looks sillier than when Gary Oldman played Drac, but it didn't happen. Oh well, maybe I'll tackle vampire attire the next time I decide to write about 'em...

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 3.8
How Funny: 3.8
Overall Rating: 3.8

Total Votes: 5

Voting Breakdown

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    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
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 2   0
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 3   1
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 4   0
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 5   3
 3
 3
 

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