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Song Parodies -> "Jars"

Original Song Title:


Original Performer:

Taylor Swift

Parody Song Title:


Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

Don’t need anyone to pull out my chair
Pay my own bills, manage all my own affairs
Without a man, I’ve learned how I can just take care
Of my own
Kitchen re-pairs

Some things most girls depend on their men to do
But I’m alone and somehow I make it through
‘Cause I’ll cut the grass and mend the fence, all be-fore two
Then catch a trout
For my dinner stew

So don't you worry, I’m single and I’m fine
But I’ll confess there are some times
When be-ing me gets hard
Although I try
I’m not so tough
I can’t open jars

Don’t call me needy, it’s one of my pet peeves
Don’t need no one else to take care of me
I’ll change my flat ti-re with a spark-ling smile
And perfect hair
I won’t even whine

So glad my
Male dependence has steadily declined
Self-sufficience is hard to find
And I’ll mulch my own yard
So why can I
Do all this stuff
But not open jars?

And I can carry all these crates; arms are strong and
Don’t like to shovel but I push snow along and
I watch football and never get the rules wrong…do you?

So I’ll grab a stool if I can’t reach
And I’ll kill a spider with no screech
And I can just get rid of a mugger with my nin-ja moves
Without a sword
And I’ll open doors

To ask for rescue from you I’m disinclined
As I defuse this live land-mine
Come on, it’s not that hard

I can’t eat pickles, to that I am resigned
‘til I get hands stronger than mine
‘Cause I can’t open jar-ar-ars
I can’t open jars

I need a guy
The jig is up
To open my jars
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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 13

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   13

User Comments

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Jeff Reuben - April 30, 2012 - Report this comment
When I read "Don't need anyone to pull out my chair," I pictured it as pulling the chair away as you're sitting down :) After reading the rest I realized you are far more handy around the house than I am. So I'm focusing on Jars, so I'm at least useful for something!
Ash - April 30, 2012 - Report this comment
Love love love this one! As I am much in the same boat, I can soooo relate. But I can open Jars pretty well, so together we make a great team. Unless of course you'd rather have Jeff open them for you... ;)
Porfle Popnecker - April 30, 2012 - Report this comment
I need you to come over and do some of that stuff for me! Except jars--I have a cheater device for them. Great parody!
norCalGal - April 30, 2012 - Report this comment
Lady Arwen, this just goes to prove that we can be a MarthStewart, but we still that strong CowBoy to free 'da jar Lids! !
Glen S - April 30, 2012 - Report this comment
I interpreted the 'chair' line the same as Jeff at first :c]. I'm glad you're so independant with you lawn-mulching and your ninja moves. Funny parody.
Jar Jar Binks - May 04, 2012 - Report this comment
Darn, I thought this was a parody about my restaurant!
brightCAP - May 11, 2012 - Report this comment
So great! This could be a country song, itself. The timing and rhyming match up really well with the original. The final stanzas do a great job of tying it all together. My favorite line: "So I’ll grab a stool if I can’t reach."
Abbott Skelding - May 14, 2012 - Report this comment
Great great work here, not a whole lot of words rhyme with "ours" but you managed to find a topic and build an entire character and story all around it, excellent job!
Glen S - May 15, 2012 - Report this comment
2nd time around, and I'm still a fan of this. This time, in addition to ninja moves, the 'strong/along/ you?' stanza stood out. Still very funny.
Peter Andersson - May 23, 2012 - Report this comment
I think you're the girl I need to fix up my place, as described in my parody in this SOTM round...
Jeff Reuben - May 24, 2012 - Report this comment
Enjoying it again for SOTM!
bobpiecheese - May 27, 2012 - Report this comment
(SOTM) You think being unable to open jars is bad? Try getting Guillame-Barre Syndrome and be left unable to open a bloody water bottle. Though I lack sweet ninja moves, I was able to conquer my fears and kick a spider the size of a cell phone into the street the other week. After I sprayed it's brains out, of course. Another brilliant parody from the queen of gender satire, I am never disappoint. 555!
Arwen - May 29, 2012 - Report this comment
Jeff...I would expect nothing else from you. ; ) are invited to open all my jars for the rest of time. I'll do everything else.

Porfle...sure thing. DM me your address and I'll be over. Do I need my land mind defusing gear today...or do you prefer to have your yard mulched first?

norCalGal...I do love me a good Cowboy. LOVE. Especially a handsome Wyoming Cowboy who plays basketball and.... Oh wait...getting off topic. Thanks... ; )

2nz...of course you did. hahaha. Thanks!

Jar's next month's parody. I hope.

brightCAP...thank you! I really enjoyed yours for the month, too...welcome aboard!

Abbott...thanks very much...appreciate it! know the football stanza is my favorite, too. Mostly because I just wish it was football season again. haha.

K1...I don't even know if I could come within smelling distance of the place you described in your entry. Still a little queasy, to be honest. ; ) should enjoy it daily. Just so you know. In between opening jars for me.

Conq...nice job with the spider. I'm seriously impressed. I'll kill them when I have to...but it's not my favorite thing. Also, I appreciate your kind words...thanks!
Matthias - May 30, 2012 - Report this comment
This was a fantastic parody! I love the last two stanzas about your sweet ninja moves and killing spiders and defusing land mines. Those were my favorite but this whole parody was great to a really terrible song (I hate Taylor Swift!)
NorCALcougar - May 30, 2012 - Report this comment
Lady Arwen, now you hang on to that Wyo . . . . Wild Oh . . . Cowboy, go girl !
Blaydeman - May 31, 2012 - Report this comment
(SOTM) You have some sweet parodying skills to go along with those sweet ninja skills! Awesome job on an interesting and unique topic.
Arwen - June 04, 2012 - Report this comment
Matty...thanks, buddy! I'm all Taylor'd out, too...hahaha. know I will! :)

Blaydeman...thanks very much!

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