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Song Parodies -> "Mocha, Mocha (Don't Yell At Baristas))"

Original Song Title:

"Waka Waka (This Time for Africa)"

Original Performer:

Shakira

Parody Song Title:

"Mocha, Mocha (Don't Yell At Baristas))"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

That's "moe-ka" and "ba-ree-sta", or "some kinda chocolate coffee I've only heard of but should try one day" and "those poor girls and guys stuck making coffee for arseholes who think they're lower than pond scum and, in the process of expressing that opinion, only prove that they're the ones lower than pond scum". Yeah, that about sums it up. Enjoy!
Oooeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehh

This job is thankless
So many assholes
Refillin' cups
They think I messed up
Therefore, I have no soul
Ev'ryone in line
They're stuck there watchin'
This guy is furious
Face gettin' closer
Wants his damn mocha

Goes on and on
Abusin'
I just want him gone
Be fleetin'

Filled your coffee cup, oh oh
Screwed the sugar up, eh-eh eh
There's no need to call me retarded
I'm just a barista
A simple screw-up, eh eh
Just a mocha, eh-eh eh
Yell 'bout how you should be respected?
Don't yell at baristas

Sick of these insults
Can't say "piss off", though
Job's on the line
Must take your whines
Because my boss says so
Eyebrows, I'm raisin'
You're "indigna-ated"?
That's not a word, but
Can't comment, it's in
My job description

Spit's on my face
I'll wipe it
Another day
Of bullshit

Properly filled the cup, oh oh
Insist I still screwed up, eh-eh eh
Needs more cream or it needs less sugar
"YOU STUPID BARISTA!"
Just a minute, sir, eh eh
Got your mocha, eh-eh eh
"TOO MUCH MILK!" throw the boilin' coffee
Right at me, ow, ow
"GET YOUR MANAGER!" Eh eh
For a mocha? Eh-eh eh
I'll ignore the burns, fetch him for ya
Exit the barista

Wish I could bust out a snappy remark and still
Get my paycheck
I've read too many Not Always Right stories, they might've
Messed with my head
May have screwed the mocha up, eh eh
I'm sure I did not, eh-eh eh
This guy just likes to be a prick
To poor young baristas

Here's the manager, and he's pissed o-o-off
Not at me, thank God
At you, he's pissed off, you poor mad so-o-od

Manager:
Shut your noise-hole up, eh eh
Here's your mocha, eh-eh eh
Stop your whinin' and pay your five bucks
What, a discou-ount? Nah
Not deservin' one, eh eh
You won't shut up, eh-eh eh
Customer's always right? Not you, cause
Screamed at my barista

Go home, eh eh
Go home, eh eh
Not obliged to deal with customers
Who are an a-a-arse
It's low, eh eh
Real low, eh eh
To yell at someone doin' their job
Poor barista-a-a

And you there, barista
You, somehow, kept your calm
A raise for you, hun (more per hour)
Now go have your lunch (worked for hours)

Original plan for this: Soccer, Soccer (I Couldn't Give A Crap). Reason said plan for this fell through: EmiLoca

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 4

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 2   0
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 3   0
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 4   0
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 5   4
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 4
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Max Power - December 10, 2014 - Report this comment
They do fit in the case of lashing out at those who doesn't deserve it. I can imagine what would happen if Malcolm Wilkerson works there.
Matthias - December 10, 2014 - Report this comment
I used to work as a barista so sadly this is all too true. I had to be even nicer during all this crap because my coffee shop was at Disney World. Plus I had to be at work at 5:30 in the morning sometimes for min wage! Then deal with huge crowds and angry people. Makes you want to put your face in the espresso machine!
Blaydeman - December 15, 2014 - Report this comment
(Artistry) I liked the concept and execution a lot (but this OS, is not one of my favorites, it's just plain silly). I've had to work some pretty crappy jobs and it's always the worst when you have dissatisfied costumers. The pacing was a little sketchy, but Shakira has a very strange way of singing her tracks.
Agrimorfee - December 15, 2014 - Report this comment
Nicely executed story, TCOP, and clever change-up of OS lyrics/title.(Poor Shakira has had a pretty erratic career, hasnt she? hmmm.)
Abbott Skelding - December 16, 2014 - Report this comment
Unlike Blaydeman, I love the OS...so bonus points there. I think the title switch was perfect and there are some really nice lines in here. My only problem is the ending...rather than having the manager step in and defend the barista, why not have him actually stand up for himself and spit in the customers coffee? I think that ending would be a bit more satisfying.

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