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Song Parodies -> "Worthless Inclusion"

Original Song Title:

"Perfect Illusion"

Original Performer:

Lady Gaga

Parody Song Title:

"Worthless Inclusion"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

Ever been forced to participate in something you didn't want to? This kid has...
Oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh, oh

Never wanted this role, not good at gettin' goals
Hence why I left alone your game, should've stayed so
But the teacher went off, at my protests, he scoffed
Forced me to let go of my book, join the show

It's clear as mud, at sports, I suck
I'm such a worthless inclusion (worthless inclusion)
Not like we're not buds, but this ain't fun
I'm such a worthless inclusion (worthless inclusion)
Oh-oh-oh (yes, I'm a worthless inclusion)

May be the type to read while others kick their feet
They're still my friends, you see, so there is zero need
To force me to stand up and fail to kick a bunch
I'll keep the score low, make the team look like jokes

Your way of "fun" is not my "fun"
I'm such a worthless inclusion (worthless inclusion)
Fall down in the mud, look like a schmuck
I'm such a worthless inclusion (worthless inclusion)

Of no use, not hard to see, dude (I'm such a worthless inclusion)
I can't aim with hands or feet
I can't play defensively 'cause I'm a right twig, you see
Let me move back to my tree, dude (I'm such a worthless inclusion)
All I want to do is read
Half-watchin' the game, you see (inclusion)
But still real far from the green (this isn't my fun)
You're all "You listen to me, you!"
Long participation screeds (the top of your lungs)
Are not what I think I need, I don't even take P.E. (I can't take a punch)
Why won't you listen to me? All this does is hurt my knees
And risk my poor nose to a sudden ball blow

Too slow to duck because I suck
I'm such a worthless inclusion (worthless inclusion)
Mistaken book love for "friendless schmuck"
I'm such a worthless inclusion (worthless inclusion)
Oh-oh-oh, yes, I'm a worthless inclusion
Oh-oh-oh, I'm such a worthless inclusion

I'm such a worthless inclusion
Quit with your hurtful delusions
Me? Sports? A worthless inclusion, inclusion, inclusion
I can't play, just let me leave, dude (I'm such a worthless inclusion)
I still have some lunch to eat (no fan of all the contusions)
I will take part in a team (where I'm not worthless)
When the subject is I.T. (in the lab, I'm not a worthless inclusion)

True story: I was so introverted as a kid that in kindergarten, I got inverse time-out. Other kids got punished by being put in the corner? I got punished by having to sit with the group! I wonder if that resulted in any of my family reacting with a fry_shocked_shocked_not_that_shocked.gif when I got diagnosed with Asperger's.

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 1

Voting Breakdown

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    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   1

User Comments

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Kindergarten Cop - August 19, 2020 - Report this comment
Sounds like your kindergarten teacher was rather clever... and more than a little evil.

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