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Song Parodies -> "Borne This Way"

Original Song Title:

"Born This Way"

Original Performer:

Lady Gaga

Parody Song Title:

"Borne This Way"

Parody Written by:

John A. Barry

The Lyrics

My limited exploration of the Gaga canon reveals that most of her songs feature endless repetition, much of which I’ve dropped here.
It does matter how you’re brought in—
Acrylo-nacreous skin.
By paws you’re held up
When you are borne this way, baby.

Now some mamas give birth to their young
In a form that’s ovipar’.

They have no hair and are not mammalian
As we, for example, are.

It’s better than entering in a car
Or to stroll in, in a lame sashay,
You’re in a celeb world, so act like a star—
You’ve got to enter this way.

A beautiful egg that’s made
From polymers not sprayed
But molded for a lady
Who is borne this way.

Do hide yourself in this neat egg
That’s bigger than a beer keg
But molded for a Lady
Who is borne this way.

No, there ain’t no other way:
Ladies must be borne this way,
Ladies should be borne this way
Noooooooooo, there ain’t no other way!
Ladies must be borne this way,
Ladies should be borne,
Not scolded or thought crazy
When they’re borne this way.

Borne in a bag? No, not a queen.
Shorn like a hag? No, not a queen.
Is this a gag? Not for a queen.

Don’t be a prude, just
Get in that egg. . .
Runway kitsch: be hoist by dudes.

It is real bitchin’, a sinecure
That reels in pelf. . .just like them See saw[bucks] ’tudes.

Acrylic cover is not a sin.
Don’t ride in chariot when brought in (no, no, no!),
Be lofted high by a hot-men troupe and
Un po’ Dago say (pas français, comme “Bad Ro’,”
Tampoco español como en “’jandro”).

Borne dressed in rags?
Not this way seen,
So, get a haberdasher queen.
When you’ve arrived, make your descent,
When they see you have been egg-sent,
And make sure that your hair is teased
So much that it appears diseased.
Enjoin your bearers: “Stay sashay!”
You’ve made your entrance, borne this way.

Your affect: gay, straight, or bi,
But not mistaken for guy.
So when that egg cracks, baby,
You’ve been born—you’ve arrived.
Won’t shatter, because it’s made
Of plastic—be not afraid;
Your sobriquet is “Lady”;
What you’re borne in’s concave.

Don’t hide yourself in this neat egg
That’s bigger than a beer keg.
Now emerge as a Lady
Who is born this way.

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.0
How Funny: 4.2
Overall Rating: 4.2

Total Votes: 4

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   3

User Comments

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AFW - April 06, 2011 - Report this comment
Good sketch of the Lady
Old Man Ribber - April 06, 2011 - Report this comment
JAB - Good one here. I don't know a lot of Lady Gag-ah myself, but I do know what you're describing here. ;D
NorCalCougaress - June 06, 2011 - Report this comment
I'm always glad to see that your DNA is pure ~BVD~ , Captain Jack, ohBarry dearest !

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