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Song Parodies -> "Animated Girls"

Original Song Title:

"California Gurls"

Original Performer:

Katy Perry

Parody Song Title:

"Animated Girls"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

Part of my "Don't Stop The Pop" self-challenge. Just a little ditty about how female characters in animated shows get the rough end of the stick. Enjoy!
Greetings toon buffs
Let's tell a story

It is a shame
Cartoons these days aren't much bolder
Girl's roles are mild
And they're rarely the main character
Either they've no clue
They're so obnoxious and ditzy (so dumb)
Or else they're just nags
Complaining 'bout the male teen lead
(No fun)

Why not have sporty gi-irls?
No, they all scream "gross"
At a pimply no-ose
Male leads have all the fu-un
Bet they're voiced by a girl
Oh ah-oh-ah-oh-ah-oh

Animated girls: stereotypical
Date the douche so teen lead can sob
Or exist to prove the lead is hetero
Oh ah-oh-ah-oh-ah-oh
Animated girls: so unreliable
PMS is always on lock
Nice then mad, oh well
Here comes the wrap up
Oh ah-oh-ah-oh-ah-oh

Check their physiques
Should never worry 'bout their weight woes
They're sticks, wait a tic
"Like, oh my gosh, gained a pound fo' sho'"
Oh noes!

You should be happy, gi-irl
A few more cream rolls
You'll be healthy, do-oll
No point making a fu-uss
Overweight? That ain't so
Oh ah-oh-ah-oh-ah-oh

Animated girls: they're disproportionate
Real thin waist, their hips should snap off
And said hips, so wide
Can't fit through doors at all
Oh ah-oh-ah-oh-ah-oh
Animated girls: figures impossible
Realistic? Sure as hell not
It's a toon, I know
Young girls get messed up
Oh ah-oh-ah-oh-ah-oh

No toon girls are heavy
'Cept the ones that are mocked a-plenty
Black? Don't think so
One black dude's all you get at most
Girls who are shunned by the popular ones
We've got those ones by the ton (ah!)
The girl's a geek, therefore a freak
Mocked by all her peeps
Is she gay? Nah, no way
Get her a makeover then she's okay
For the lead to date, jeez
What's a "personality"?
Young boys laugh about
Poor girls just sit and pout
"That won't be grown-up me
It might be if I speak
Like a valley girl Barbie"
Respect the ladies (yeah)
Portray them fairly (uh huh)
This way is dated
Don't ignore it cause it's animated (ohhh yeahh)

Animated girls: their roles are limited
Love int'rest who falls for teen slob
Or some bitch who mocks the girl with spectacles
Oh ah-oh-ah-oh-ah-oh
Animated girls: exceptions, I'll admit
There's Korra, she's the lead, that rocks
Still a baby step
Towards a change-up
Oh ah-oh-ah-oh-ah-oh

(Animateeed, animateeed girls)
Animated girls, man
Toons need more well-rounded animated girls
(Animateeed, animateeed girls)
I really wish there were less shit animated girls

Korra is twelve kinds of badass, no denying that.

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Pacing: 4.0
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Overall Rating: 4.0

Total Votes: 2

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User Comments

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Toon Boy - August 21, 2013 - Report this comment
Never seen Jessica Rabbit? Obviously you don't watch FG, KOTH, JL, SW:CW, and a range of other adult cartoons past or present. Japanimation has some fine women too!!! Woo-hoo!!!
Matthias - August 21, 2013 - Report this comment
This is decent. I thought it was going to be a tribute to all the cartoon hotties out there like Jessica Rabbit or Louis Griffin but instead it was about girls being too skinny and stuck up. I was just hoping for a bunch of cartoon name drops and why they're sexy but oh well... Plus Princess Bubblegum is a pretty major role in Adventure Time and there are girls with lead roles in cartoons like Pepper Ann, Daria, Josie And The Pussycats...
Glen S - August 21, 2013 - Report this comment
Good to see you still pumping out quality work TCOP. Very funny take here. Not much name-dropping of your faves, but that's not what you were going for and it works with the OS really well, especially the choruses. Especially liked "Animated girls: they're disproportionate", and your opening comment: "female characters in animated shows get the ROUGH END of the STICK". Giggity.

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