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Song Parodies -> "Heywood Jablome"

Original Song Title:

"As Long You Love Me"

Original Performer:

Justin Bieber

Parody Song Title:

"Heywood Jablome"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

"Jablome" = "ja-blow-me". This parody is basically what would happen if Moe Szyslak wrote a song in response to Bart's constant crank calls.
Never again call me
Sick of you askin' me
"Where's Heywood Jablome?"

I'm a bartender
And of all the people in the world to prank, why me?
Raises blood pressure
Yellin' "Have you seen Mike Rotch?", makes me look silly (silly)
So stop now (stop now), cause I will (I will)
Break your face with the bar's till
Because you're always aski-ee-i-i-i-in'

For Heywood Jablome
Or I.P. Freely, could be Hugh Jass or Anita Bath
So stop callin' up me
Or I will brick you with lots of bricks if once more you ask
For Heywood Jablo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-looo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-looo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lome (lome)
Really pissin' off-off-off-off-off-off-oooff-off-off-off-off-off-off-oooff-off-off-off-off-off-off-off me (off me-me-me)

Oliver Klozoff
I know that's not a real name, won't be fooled again, dude
Seymour Butz? Think not
Got a list of pun names on file, in case of you-ou-hou-ou
I'm not thick (not thick), no dumb guy (dumb guy)
Stop hogging up the phone line
Quit with the a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-asks

For Heywood Jablome
Or Maya Buttreeks, could be Jacques Strap or Ura Snotball
You've had your fun with me
Know that I'll brain you with a metal pole if you dare ask
For Heywood Jablo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-looo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-looo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lome (lome)
Kinda pissin' off-off-off-off-off-off-oooff-off-off-off-off-off-off-oooff-off-off-off-off-off-off-off me (off me-me-me)
(Yo, stop callin' me)

Don't care if you're bored shitless, bud, I'm still gonna smash ya
In the face if you ask for Ollie Taboogah
Stick somethin' through ya, you should be scared
Instead of laughin', dude
Bud, trust me, I'll break you into more bits than two
There's no Ivana Tinkle (-kle) in here, you little tool (shut it)
Hope when you grow up you'll finish bein' an obnoxious fool (fool)
Tell ya, pickin' up the phone (a lot)
I hope it ain't you (you)
But damn near ev'ry time, I hear you, ya little puke, puke, puke
The bar's loud, so I can't pick
Out your voice askin' for Amanda Hugginkiss
Least I no longer shout that out loud to the barflies
Time's money, you're wastin' it
I know I could use Caller I.D. true, true, true
But the phone in my bar is old-school
So I can't block your ass, you're a lucky dude
Stuck with you askin' me

For Heywood Jablome (bite me, yeah, yeah-ee)
Ahmed Adoudi, Ima Wiener, Maya Normusbutt (I'll kick your bu-oo-utt)
I will rip off your feet
Stick 'em up your ass (your a-a-a-a-a-a-a-ass), next time you're dumb enough to dare ask
For Heywood Jablo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-looo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-looo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lome
'Cause it's pissin' off-off-off-off-off-off-oooff-off-off-off-off-off-off-oooff-off-off-off-off-off-off-off me
"Where's Heywood Jablo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-looo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-looo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lome?" (I.M.A. Wiener? I'll crack your sku-u-ull)
Please stop pissin' off-off-off-off-off-off-oooff-off-off-off-off-off-off-oooff-off-off-off-off-off-off-off me (this was never funny, yeah)
Quit with the prank calls, geez, hope your spleen li-ikes you-our noo-oo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ose
Instead of callin' me, come to my bar, please, then I'll break your knee-ee-ee-ee-ees, fo-o-or
The "Heywood Jablome"s

True story: this song is the most tolerable Justin Bieber song I have heard. This is because he's sticking to his lower register without over-repeating the word "swag" (like in "Boyfriend") or having a thoroughly moronic title ("Beauty and a Beat"? Really?) and being at least musically interesting (as opposed to what I've heard of his most recent album).

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 5

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   1
 5   4

User Comments

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Agrimorfee - February 26, 2014 - Report this comment
"Don 't go making Phoney Calls, use the 7 digit numbers you're used to...". May the best man win!
Matthias - February 27, 2014 - Report this comment
So who do I love more Agrimorfee or T-Cop. Tough choice. Bart Simpson or Barney however is a very easy choice. I'm a huge Simpsons fan, man so this was a very fun and cool parody.
Max Power - March 07, 2014 - Report this comment
The title reminds me of the song "Jump on it" which sonded exactly like well...
Blaydeman - March 11, 2014 - Report this comment
(Artistry) While I found this extremely funny, the phrasing you chose for a lot of these lines detracted from it a lot for me. I found myself having to go back and rescan lines over and over again before I could finally get them to sound okay. I think the concept (which is awesome!) overshadowed the execution this time around. Sorry.
Abbott Skelding - March 11, 2014 - Report this comment
If I could give you three 5's for the title sub alone I would (so I will!) As much as I really don't like the Bieb's, this parody about my favorite gag from one of my favorite shows of all time was a blast to read. Great work!

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