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Song Parodies -> "Cursed Gloves"

Original Song Title:

"First Love"

Original Performer:

Jennifer Lopez

Parody Song Title:

"Cursed Gloves"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

Part of my Pop Danthology 2013 self-challenge. Ghostly gauntlets! Mystic mittens! Haunted hand coverings!
Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh
Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh

See, I should've known this wouldn't be-e goo-ood
That day I found that weird little shop filled wi-ith cra-a-ap
Cause I wasn't lookin' for somethi-in' ne-ew
Had just worn out my old gloves, loved them, they we-ere ra-a-ad
They fe-elt great on my skin
Thought that this shop had the same kind no-ow (huh, huh, huh, huh, hi-i)
Yeah, du-ude, I got sucked in
The cost was heavy, now I feel do-own

Whoa, oh, oh, oh, I-I wish I had no cursed gloves
A terrible cu-urse to find myself locked i-in
All from a pair of damn gloves
Whoa, oh, oh, oh, I-I wish I had no cursed gloves (cursed gloves)
I'm stuck with this cu-urse all because it's locked i-in
This snazzy pair of damned gloves
Whoa, oh, oh, oh, I-I

Explain what this nondescript curse i-invo-olves?
I can't do that cause it switches up all the-e ti-i-ime (ah-ah-ah-ah)
It could make ev'rythin' slipp'ry li-ike ee-eels
Could make me see zero hands where there should be-e mi-i-ine
One da-ay might shave my skin
And then the next day might werewolf ou-ou-out (huh, huh, huh, huh, hi-i)
It's true-ue I'm in deep shi-i-it
Cause these things drag me down so hard no-ow

Whoa, oh, oh, oh, I-I wish I had no cursed gloves
Variable cu-urse that I've trapped myself i-in
Somehow placed within damn gloves
Whoa, oh, oh, oh, I-I wish I had no cursed gloves (cursed gloves)
Which twit sticks a cu-urse in what fingers go i-in?
Who makes a pair of da-amned glo-oves?
Whoa, oh, oh, oh, I-I

Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh, ho-oh-ooh
Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh
Huh, huh, huh, huh, hi-i

Could I simply not wear those things? Well, I
I've gotta go and catch a train, so I
Don't think I've got the time for this, goodbye, I, I, I, I-I-I
Okay, that was the first damn thing I tried
And they came off easy, no way to hide
The fault of this predicament is mine, I, I, I, I-I-I (I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I)
I-I-I-I

Whoa, oh, oh, oh, I-I wish I had no cursed gloves
Seems part of the cu-urse is they're comfy as shi-it
Hard not to wear these damn gloves
Whoa, oh, oh, oh, I-I wish I had no cursed gloves (oh-oh-oh-oh-oh) (cursed gloves)
I'm bearin' the cu-urse cause they're such a great fi-it (sorry, they feel ni-ice)
A lovely pair of damned gloves
Whoa, oh, oh, oh, I-I wish I had no cursed gloves (wish I ha-ad) (ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh)
Avoidable cu-urse but I just can't help i-it (ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh)
Love the feel of these damn gloves (oh-oh-oh-oh-oh)
Whoa, oh, oh, oh, I-I wish I had no cursed gloves (wish I had no cursed gloves) (cursed gloves) (ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh)
Might die from this cu-urse but it's super worth i-it (ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh)
The best damn pair of da-amned glo-o-oves
Whoa, oh, oh, oh, I-I

Shopkeeper: Take this object, but beware it carries a terrible curse!
Homer: Ooh, that's bad.
Shopkeeper: But it comes with a free frogurt!
Homer: That's good.
Shopkeeper: The frogurt is also cursed.
Homer: That's bad.
Shopkeeper: But you get your choice of toppings.
Homer: That's good!
Shopkeeper: The toppings contain potassium benzoate.


...that's bad.
Homer: Can I go now?

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Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 2

Voting Breakdown

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