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Song Parodies -> "The Fake Screams"

Original Song Title:

"The A Team"

Original Performer:

Ed Sheeran

Parody Song Title:

"The Fake Screams"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

Every sort of establishment has their own sort of asshole who seemed destined to be stories on NotAlwaysRight.com. Haunted houses are no exception...
Blood drips, pale face
Vampire threat with no stakes
Ten bucks? Sounds great
Big house, fake threats
Pretend that it's haunted
Sounds nice, I'm in

But they say some twits will make fake screams
Annoys me greatly
Overdone like crazy, 'cause they seem to hate me
Freak at ev'ry painting
Wish they'd up and faint, geez, I hate these
People who come in to just make fun

They all suck more than the actor Drac
I might snap at the next fake gasp
No patience for their bogus fright, alright
Most of the time, well, I'd try to understand
Some folks just love to overact
With their volume high but this isn't right
This isn't right

Gained fun is low
'Cause these pricks won't stop their "joke"
Death House now blows
Afraid they'll go
And start fighting "ghosts"
Like jerks, 'fraid so

'Cause they say the pricks who make fake screams
Will escalate, see
And act more than crazy, claim they're being "brave", geez
The monsters they're "braving"
Are actors 'round eighteen and they seem
Not paid enough to take a wild punch

They'll act dumb, claim they're "into the act"
Just an asshole, simple as that
Don't say it's just a joke 'cause I don't buy
That total lie, wish I could hold them right back
But I'm not strong enough for that
Will take photos, I won't let them tell lies

They always tell lies, think the dim light
Will hide their actions but I think they'll find
Most times it's just enough light
For cam'ra eyes

Oh-oh-oh

What they say 'bout those who fake-scream
Plain irritates me
And I'll say it plainly, words rate me R-18
Not worth what I'm paying
Wanted to be scared, please, no rage scenes
I'm hoping they'll get banned for their stunts

I'll still come, love these fake haunted shacks
I go mad for near heart attacks
My fingers crossed for no douche types tonight
'Cause I can't lie, I might kick them in the nads
If they start their obnoxious crap
Hate assholes, that's right, hate fake, loud-ass frights
Fake, too-loud frights
Frights, frights
I hate try-hard fights, no lie, no lie
A pain in my hide

I always end up surprised at myself at how many lyrics to the song about the dying, crack-addicted prostitute I've memorised.

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