I look weird as hell, I always flinch and cower
But let me tell the main reason I also glower
Up high a lot in a way pissed off
Cause they always know where I am
And they always hit my ear so squarely

Man, I'm sick of freak aim bird crap, buddy
Yeah, I'm sick of freak aim bird crap, buddy
Windy or not, they always land it on me
E-e-e-e-e-ew

Boy, I wish I could bring a brolly ev'rywhere, true
I'd look like a dingbat, that's worth a lack of poo
Landin' on my top or in my coffee pot
But how do they know who I am?
And how do they hit my eye so squarely?

Man, I'm sick of freak aim bird crap, buddy
Yeah, I'm sick of freak aim bird crap, buddy
Ev'ry damn time I leave the house, they hit me
E-e-e-e-e-ew

Oh yeah, bird crap
Coincidence 'bout where they're shittin'?
Oh yeah, bird crap
No, they know just where they're all shittin'

I wish it would get old, then a sigh would be the only
Thing you'd behold when my shirt gets more gooey
But for now, mate, I remain irate
How do they know where I am?
And how do they hit my mouth so squarely?

I've never picked any fights in aviaries
I may not like birds, it's not hate, please
What's with the freak aim bird crap, buddy? No clue
E-e-e-e-e-ew

Oh yeah, bird crap
No day goes by without a shittin'
Oh yeah-eah-eah-eah, bird crap
Close to grabbin' and flushin' pigeons, ooh-oh