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Song Parodies -> "Canned Nuts (Party For One)"

Original Song Title:

"Can't Stop"

Original Performer:

Red Hot Chili Peppers

Parody Song Title:

"Canned Nuts (Party For One)"

Parody Written by:

Kristof Robertson

The Lyrics

A kind of melancholy rap-funk-metal workout.....about a lonely guy's big day....
Canned nuts, I purchased for my shindig
Not much; I didn't wanna spend big
I sent out many invitations
It's my birthday... time for celebrations!
Blue funk; I'm sitting on my own now
I'm guests are missing somehow
The time is now eleven forty
Does no one I know enjoy a party?
I'd planned to get a choc'late fountain
Two grand? That upset my accountant
I should've skipped the sarsparilla
And bought more than seven cans of Miller
OK, my social network's meagre
But hey, you'd think some would be eager
Oh dear, they must all have infections
None will hear my Kenny G collection...

I'm such a schmuck
A real prize putz
Coz now I'm stuck
With these canned nuts
Ever wonder if your mates hate you?
The punch is full
Of cig'rette butts
I'm miserable
My life's "canned nuts"
I'm as popular as bird flu...

Sweethearts are great but I ain't got one
Twist-ah played by yourself is not fun
New pants I spent a lot of cash on
Nil romance, so what a waste of fashion
I fire up the karaoke
"Tracks Of My Tears", as sung by Smokey
So blue; my tears begin to choke me
As I do the solo Hokey Pokey
A bust! Hard lessons I've been learnin'
But just as I'm about to turn in...
Door bell? Woo-hoo, we're now in business!
What the hell? It's a Jehovah's Witness!
I tell him I'll buy a "Watchtower"
If he could stay for half an hour
He said "I'm Gus from Boca Raton"
I don't care, just put a paper hat on!

We're having fun
It's me and Gus
We sing James Blunt
And eat canned nuts
Now you wish that you were here, don't you?
It's five past one
He starts to cuss
"I must be gone,
Thanks for the nuts...
But I've really gotta shoot through"

Wait a minute, Gus: Hang around, have a brew...
I like you!
I'm preparing a wonderful Cheez-whiz fondue...
It's for you!
I've got raisins and hot pornography, blue...
"Muff Slutz 2"!!!
Screw Jehovah; I want you to be in MY crew!
(Then he flew...)

Canned nuts; the only snacks remaining
No Gus- but what's the use complaining?
Time to forget my irritation
Tune in to a late-night adult station!
I cry as naked gals are squealing
I spy the fondue cheese congealing
The great big cake I bought at Randall's*
Now encased in wax from melted candles
Balloons, blown up for decorating
Too soon, like my ego, deflating
Unwrap my ONE gift in a wee rush
Freakin''s sent a lavat'ry brush...

Next year my big day must'nt blow, man
More beer; I'll invite Lindsay Lohan
Round up young punks with naughty piercings
Buy them drugs, then watch them doing weird things
If I could fly in Halle Berry
You'd soon clear your itinerary!
I could get two (probably not three) Bee Gees
What's the use of reachin'? It's a dream for me...

Canned nuts! I'm writing in my diary

[checks date]

Damn f***! My birthday's not til Fri-dey!!!

* There IS a Randall's bakery (in Missouri, I think) but this bakery exists purely for rhyming purposes

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 13

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   13

User Comments

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Matthias - January 30, 2008 - Report this comment
Such a sad, sad tale, until I hit the last line!!! Wow... Brilliant Kristof, absoutely brilliant! But wouldn't you know when your own Birthday is?
Agrimorfee - January 30, 2008 - Report this comment
Hell, it could happen to anyone. Thanks for taking Anthony Keidis' monotonous rhymin' skills to a new level of fun.
Jason - January 30, 2008 - Report this comment
Very good Mr K! Did you see my latest parodies? 555

How funny is this! The code for this is KEG, which is obviously what beer gets delivered to pubs in, and pubs sell nuts (Well peanuts of course, but what the hell...)
Kristof Robertson - January 30, 2008 - Report this comment
Matty: haven't you ever got the date mixed up? I sure have....cheers, buddy

Ag: Many thanks, mate

Jase: check your inbox. Cheers, amigo
John Jenkins - January 30, 2008 - Report this comment
What? You're not supposed to play Twister and Hokey Pokey by yourself? Now you tell me. TMGLTM, but the bird flu metaphor and the clever rhyming stood out for me.
Jeff Reuben - January 31, 2008 - Report this comment
I was wondering where you were going with this. I didn't think it was Missouri. This is enough to drive anyone nuts!
Matthias - February 10, 2008 - Report this comment
I just noticed the irony of this on my re-read... Most people can't get Jehovah's Witnesses to leave, and don't want to invite them into their houses, this guy invites him into his house, and the Jehovah takes off in a quick rush... It must suck to be that guy!
Below Average Dave ( - February 11, 2008 - Report this comment
(DEC2) Jeff Reuben, watch it with Missouri cracks (though my home state is also the one that made national news a couple of years ago for changing the law about how much an animal must weigh to make love to legally). . .Anyway That was absolutely hilarious, particularly liked the comparison of your popularity to the bird flu, the Twister imagery was great, and the Kenny G track line also stood out. The whole Jehovah's witness--that's just the unpredictability I love about your work at it's best. . .top nods from me.
bobpiecheese - February 12, 2008 - Report this comment
(Dec 2.0) Don't you have anything better to do than crank out ridiculously good parodies like this? Judging by said parody, maybe not. TMGLTM, 555, you know the drill.
stuart mcarthur - February 12, 2008 - Report this comment
(decath) sigh, absolutely brilliant Kristof - the story and the lines just got funnier and funnier - you bare a true genius at this caper - TMGLTM but I literally L'edMAO at "I don't care, just put a paper hat on!" - self-deprecation is just hilarious isn't it? - effin fantastic - 555
Jeff Reuben - February 13, 2008 - Report this comment
Good to read this again, loved the rhyme with sasparilla. And all the self-deprecating humor (like Stu).
Phil Alexander - February 13, 2008 - Report this comment
A bit more wistful than hilarious.. and what is it about "night life" parodies that seems to attract Miss Lohan? (though I'm sure if I were to rhyme her name, it'd turn out all LOTR)
Arwen - February 13, 2008 - Report this comment
Decathlon...oh poor guy! Singing "The Tracks of My Tears" karaoke style was my favorite image...excellent work, as always, KR.
Jack Wilson - February 13, 2008 - Report this comment
LOVE the OS and this parody this was awesome to the max as usual.5s

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