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Song Parodies -> "Man, I Can't Roast Marshmallows"

Original Song Title:

"Dance Like There's No Tomorrow"

Original Performer:

Paula Abdul

Parody Song Title:

"Man, I Can't Roast Marshmallows"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

Of all the things that one can do, this man sucks at one thing. I'll give you three guesses what it is, and the first two don't count.
All I wanna do is no-ot loo-ook like a huge dork
But I cannot lie, I ca-an't even roast marshma-allows
I feel like such a du-umbshite, it'll haunt me for all my life
All I wanna do is lea-earn how to roast marshma-allows, oh, oh, oh

You'd think "no-one is that lame"
But I am, believe me, I'm fed up
Stick white thing into flames
And that's meant to make it ta-aste better
Though I have tried my best
It seems that I might never
Ever get the hang of this
All I get's a lump of carbon, oh-oh
I won't put that inside my body
It's gonna cause lots of problems
Stomach isn't strong, wasted one more bowl
O-Of mallows

All I wanna do is no-ot loo-ook like such a dork
For all of my life, neve-er learnt to roast marshma-allows
You can call me a du-umbshite, and you should know that you'd be right
Cause what kinda fool fails a-at the task "roast marshma-allows"? Oh, oh, oh

My timin's real off, I fear (ah-ah-ah)
I don't know how many seconds (ah-ah-ah)
To leave it in, is it seared?
Or is it barely lukewarm? Hate this (ooh)
And I don't think it's good (ooh)
That you push that since we're in nature
We gotta use sticks we fou-ound
Off the ground, what's the nomenclatu-u-u-ure?
It's gross and it's unhygienic
Think it's screwin' up my timin'
Need to get it done, inside my mouth hole
Ew-ew, it's gross

All I wanna do is no-ot loo-ook like a big dork
Because somehow I don't kno-ow how to roast marshma-allows
I'm aware I'm a du-umbshite, it's not a thing I'm proud of, right
Only an absolute twa-at cannot roast marshma-allows, oh, oh, oh

Even if I-I don't leave it in lo-ong (too long)
And it's not made of carbon and I'm not usin' a stick for o-once
And I fend off all of the hungry-ass flies
I know that it's gonna fall right off, that's shi-ite

All I wanna do is no-ot loo-ook like a right dork
Cause I've yet to learn the tri-ick, I can't roast marshma-allo-o-ows
Because I'm such a du-umbshite (dumbshite), somethin' in my head isn't ri-ight
Totally useless, becau-ause I can't roast marshma-allows, oh, oh, oh (oh-ooh-oh-ooh-oh)
All I wanna do is no-ot loo-ook like a great dork (a giant dork)
The only dude in the wo-orld who can't roast marshma-allows
Know full-well I'm a du-umbshite, whether the mallow's pink or white
It's a sad, but potent fa-act I can't roast marshma-allows, oh, oh, oh (oh-ooh-oh-ooh-oh)

If you guessed "unable to work out whether unhygenic is a bad spelling or an alternate pronunciation", congratulations! You can read my mind! Now get out of there, that's creepy.

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Overall Rating: 4.0

Total Votes: 3

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