-> "Mattress"
Original Song Title:
"Heartless"
Parody Song Title:
"Mattress"
The Lyrics
Ev'ry night, I turn and toss
A peaceful sleep I haven't got
And to blame for my sleep woes, this one I know
Is my lumpy old mattre-e-ess
I need a nice new mattress
Oh, gotta replace my mattre-e-ess
I cannot sleep, bro
My mattress has more lumps than oatmeal, yo
Can't remember my last really good sleep, though
I'm not suprised, my pillow ain't helpin' me, yo
From the lumps pokin' my brain through my skin, dude
Would've switched it, I'm afraid that I'm skint, dude
Ayo, don't have any couches in my flat, see
Ayo, and I don't trust the floor to be clean
And so I'm stuck here on my mattress and I can't sleep
It feels like I'm sleepin' on some concrete
Covered in pillows, but they don't help me
Like The Princess And The Big-Ass Pea
Ev'ry night, my sleep is nought
No dreams or nightmares, just a lot
Of lumps stretchin' from my toes up to my nose
It's this shitty old mattre-e-ess
I really hate this mattress
Oh, I gotta ditch this mattre-e-ess
But it ain't the only thing wrong, though
The springs inside the mattress just won't shut their ho-oles
Wish the friggin' things wouldn't squeak so
Some say it's sexy, but I say no-o
They're friggin' loud, bro, less squeak, more groan
Hear the way they moan, sound quite sick, bro
Need more oil than my last fuel-up
Rust-encrusted so much, I see red, bro
At times I have a thought when I try to sleep
What if this is the time that they break on me?
Will I get all impaled, it freaks out me
It's just another thing that prevents my sleep
So each night, don't sleep a jot
Cause peace and comfort, I have nought
Hard and lumpy, springs that groan, it's such a load
Such a really crap mattre-e-ess
I hate this stupid mattress
Oh, gotta replace this mattre-e-ess
Toss and turn and turn and toss
I can't find the land of Nod
Sandman, could you help me, dude?
Sleeping pills, just leave a few
I think the problem might be me
I could just really suck at sleep
Who the hell am I kiddin', jeez
Know what it's like to sleep
Had a few winks before
At friend's, I've stayed the night
It's the mattress, it's shite
(You know I'm right)
And so I suffer sleep loss
What little sleep I have, it sucks
Wet dreams filled with squeaky groans, it's kinda gross
Which prick gave me this mattre-e-ess
Wait, did I buy this mattress?
Oh, my fault for this damn mattre-e-ess
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Voting Results
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Pacing: | 5.0 | |
How Funny: | 5.0 | |
Overall Rating: | 5.0 | |
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Total Votes: | 6 |
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