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Song Parodies -> "Useless Powers"

Original Song Title:

"Redneck Woman"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Gretchen Wilson

Parody Song Title:

"Useless Powers"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

Sometimes you get super-stretchy powers or incredible speed or the ability to generate force-fields. Sometimes, however, you get the bottom of the barrel...
Well, I wa-as hopin'
For the power of fli-ight
Or an immunity to pain
Super speed would be all right
I'd be fine with lookin' like some weird sort
Of ugly gargoyle, would be grea-eat
Compared to the cruddy po-owers it turns out I gained
I can turn a shade of green
But my clothes will not rip
That's all, hue's shifted, effort it take's hard
But the result is just shit

Cause I've got useless powers, no flight of any so-ort
Though I can sorta levitate things bu-ut they soon fall, I fall sho-ort
When it comes to other supes, with their list of deeds a mile lo-ong
And how they're able to lift a-and toss the biggest of rocks
Ev'ryone else seems to have an awesome power but me
Keep expectin' a "there, there" from supers who pity me
"There, the-e-ere (there, there)"

Animal shapeshiftin'
Well, that power's nice
Oh, but there's no tiger-forms for me, only turtles, rats and mice
My gifts are shitty, kinda shitty
And there ain't no damn recei-eipt
No, there's no such thing as a take-ba-ack for turnin' objects green
I know I'm so-o crappy
Even sidekicks abhor
Cause even teens have more use
Than Captain Now-A-Door

Hey, I've got useless powers, no skill of any so-ort
Though I can sorta duplicate things bu-ut only balls and gym sho-orts
I'm not worth a movie or a cartoon with a catchy so-ong
I'm just a comic that comi-ic readers would read none of
Ev'ryone else seems to have a useful power but me
Ev'ry day, one more "there, there" from villains who pity me
"There, the-e-ere (there, there)"

I've got useless powers, feel like Ma-Ti with "hea-eart"
Some say if I go into trainin', I-I'll soon kick all of the a-arse
Well, if you can find a practical use for the crap I've go-ot
Like stickin' to walls only three-ee feet high and not for long
Then for the love of Krypton, do me a favour, call me
Sick of all the damn "there, there"'s from muggles who pi-ity-y me-e
"There, there (there, the-e-ere)"
"There, there (the-ere, the-ere)"
"There, there (don't say "there, the-e-ere")

I was gonna call this "Useless Mutant" to better rhyme with the OS, but I felt referring to superpowers in general rather than restricting it to one specific origin worked better. That and I didn't wanna waste any time wondering whether it counted towards my tally of how many Marvel and DC parodies I've done (I'm one behind on Marvel right now).

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.7
How Funny: 4.4
Overall Rating: 4.1

Total Votes: 10

Voting Breakdown

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