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Song Parodies -> "Red State Woman"

Original Song Title:

"Redneck Woman"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Gretchen Wilson

Parody Song Title:

"Red State Woman"

Parody Written by:

Spaff.com

The Lyrics

Well I ain't never
Been the flippy-flop type
No, I'll support consistently
The stuff 't Bush says is right
Or my pastor
Or else my horoscope
It's intellek-chu-als I fear
I've decked out my pickup truck
With crosses, guns, and beer

I'm anti- stem cell research
But don't know what it means
I get opinions from talk ra-di-o
Not them biased magazines

'Cause I'm a red - state - woman
I ain't no left - wing - mom
I got no use for other countries
I say WHO WOULD JESUS BOMB?
So there's deficits and downturns and there ain't no jobs no more
At least no homo couple will be MOVING IN NEXT DOOR
So screw you all you lib'rals 'cause you'll never swing my state
Let me tell you who's in charge till at least Two Thousand Eight
My Bush!
(MY BUSH!)

That thing with al-Qaeda
Remember that?
Oh, I wonder why New York and D.C.
Voted Democrat?
And major cities (cities)
Target cities
Why the heck did y'all vote Blue?
Just think how George W.M.D.
Has made Earth safe for you

Keep your books and science
I don't let new thoughts in
But in my neck - of the woods
We call that Born Agin

Hey, I'm a red - state - woman
[etc.]

I'm a red - state - woman
I ain't no left - nut - job
When I think 'bout folks named Clinton
I say I DECLARE JIHAD
And I vote for moral values like intrusiveness and war
And damned if lesbo couples will be MOVING IN NEXT DOOR
So listen all you pinko commie godless gunless Blues
Let me tell you what you'll see on your lib'ral biii-assed news
(MY BUSH!)
MY BUSH!
(MY BUSH!)
My Bush!
(MY BUSH!)
GOD BLESS MY BUSH!

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 LittleLots
Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 



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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.3
How Funny: 4.3
Overall Rating: 4.3

Total Votes: 67

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   10
 12
 11
 
 2   0
 0
 1
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   9
 1
 3
 
 5   48
 54
 52
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

DKTOS? - November 11, 2004 - Report this comment
For those who Don't Know The Original Song, it's temporarily downloadable at
spaff.com/dktos
EmiLoca - November 11, 2004 - Report this comment
HELL YEAH!
Jeff Reuben - November 11, 2004 - Report this comment
Well done, Spaffaroo!
Know 1 can hear you dream - November 11, 2004 - Report this comment
Yeah, that's right: Death to all fanatics!!!

When you record this, will you have that chick from "plastic surgery for christmas" singing the "GOD BLESS MY BUSH!" line?

A more serious question from this European though: Is red the symbol for too-the-right and blue for too-the-left in America? The reason I'm asking is because at least in Scandinavia it's totally the opposite; red is the colour of the socialist and communist parties and blue is the colour of the conservative parties (and light blue is the colour of the liberals).
Ashkicksass - November 11, 2004 - Report this comment
Good LORD, I am DYING. Too many funny lines to name, but I especially liked George W.M.D. This is brilliant. Fabulous. Practically perfect in every way.

Hmmm...wonder who gave you the ones...
John Barry - November 11, 2004 - Report this comment
Superb!
Dee Range - November 11, 2004 - Report this comment
Spaff, you done it agin, you toothless,tobacca' chewin', gun totin' mutha'....durn near crapped ma britches readin' this'n.. Gud job. 555
Royce Miller - November 11, 2004 - Report this comment
Your definition of "red state women" is ignorant
Biotch - November 11, 2004 - Report this comment
I give up -- what's the mystery behind the all-caps sections?
Melhi - November 11, 2004 - Report this comment
(laughing too hard to think of a good comment!)
Gretchen Wilson - November 11, 2004 - Report this comment
To Biotch - the the all-caps are in the original.
EmiLoca - November 11, 2004 - Report this comment
I just caught the "biiiii-assed" thing - this parody just has me giddy.
Ravyn Rant - November 11, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks, Spaff! This blue-stater really needed a laugh!
joebean1988 - November 11, 2004 - Report this comment
That was one of the funniest things Ive herad on this sight in a long time. AZ WENT RED
Spaff.com - November 11, 2004 - Report this comment
I am soooo far behind in my comments that I don't know how I'll ever catch up. So thank y'all for your willingness to let me in the game even when I keep hiding in the locker room.

Thanx, Jeffaroo & Sister Kicksass & Jongleberry & Dee Moralizin' & Grandmaster Mel & Rantyn Rave & joebean!

Peter chyd: I love the suggestion - Chelsi Stahr does have one o'them voices - but I doubt that Robert Lund would touch this one. As for red/blue, an omnipresent image in the US during election years is a map of the country with the various states shaded red for Republican or blue for Democrat. So you nailed it - red has also become shorthand for right/conservative, and blue for left/liberal. I believe that color scheme was chosen specifically to confuse Scandinavians.

Royce: This parody is such a partisan rant that I'd be disappointed to NOT get a few comments like yours. So thanx.

Biotch: Caps do mean something else in parodies like this:
http://www.amiright.com/parody/60s/julieandrewsmarypoppins5.shtml
But in this one, alas, they work on only one level (mimicking the volume spikes in the original). And/or what Gretchen said.

Emi: "Bi-assed" is a pun that just threw itself at me. And I cain't say no.
Phil Alexander - November 12, 2004 - Report this comment
Holy cow, Spaff, this is brilliant! It's a shame if you think Robert Lund woundn't touch it, as the wit in here is on a par with your best. Can't quote favourite lines, there's too many :-D
Stuart McArthur - November 12, 2004 - Report this comment
Spaff, with all the great lines (and gee it goes well if you download the OS), my favourite is the simple "I don't let new thoughts in" - bravo, mate - 555
Olvan The Terrible - November 12, 2004 - Report this comment
Yet another quality parody from Spaff. This "intellek-chu-al" enjoyed the hell out of it!
John Jenkins - November 12, 2004 - Report this comment
If you can't beat them, poke fun at them - that's what parodies are all about. And this is very well done. But, Spaff, I am curious about why you are suddenly starting to write left-leaning political parodies - has reading the parodies of Pacholek and Tong brought you over to the dark side?
Know 1 can hear you dream - November 12, 2004 - Report this comment
John: Spaff is more than able to defend himself so this is MY opinion, and I would like to think that it's actually more of an analysis than an actuall opinon, and if that from some point of view makes me biased or even an intellek-chu-al liberal, so be it:

As a general rule (of parody and the like) it is always a more natural task and from the point of all of society in the long run a healthier one - to make fun of those who have the power rather than those who merely strive for it. The latter are yet to prove that they deserve absolute mockery for achievements on the level where they are tempted by absolute corruption. In comparison they are still minor league wannabe representatives whereas whose who hold the office one mocks are the major league player (or players).

Also, all true parodists are against inconsistencies or at least have an hawk eye for it and since those who hold positions have more opportunities to build a record of inconsistencies they make the bigger source for inspiration, and since it is a rather natural thing to be against inconsistencies rather than for them all true parodists sooner or later come to the point where they must muck what they see in the world around them, regardless of from what point of view that is. Heck, even Coral Snake is a pro-Linux, pro-GNU guy against big conservative business the way it manifests in Microsoft's Monopoly.

Personally I'm no fan of the government I my country and I've written a couple of parodies about them. Still, if we were to have a regime change I'm pretty sure that some of the oppositional theoretical boozos that would then get to power would pretty fast give me material for parodies about them too, and I would probably not be able to resist it. It's OK to make fun of striving oppositionist but from the wievpoint of all of society it's IMPORTANT to have the argus part of your eye focused on those who are in charge. If enough people do it it's an insurance that they don't get absolutely corrupted (though it's also in the nature of the task that we say that they already are). :-)

END RANT TRANSMISSION! :-)
Biotch - November 12, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks. I knew about the all-caps significants in Spaffs other stuff is why I asked.
Know 1 can hear you dream - November 15, 2004 - Report this comment
Spaff: Sorry for killing the commenting on this one with my rant. This new comment should however make it reappear on the latest comments page.
Scathe - November 16, 2004 - Report this comment
I tip my hat and give 3 5's to Spaff, the validictorian of AmIRight.
DarkJon64 - November 17, 2004 - Report this comment
I've done this song a couple times myself, and I must say you thought of some of the funniest lines - "WHO WOULD JESUS BOMB?" definitely a well-written parody... I'm Canadian and I still knew what you were takling about. Most political parodies leave me clueless to "who's that?" kind of thing.
Robert J. Pagliaro - November 17, 2004 - Report this comment
Right on, right on. Their ignorance is bliss!
Michael Pacholek - November 17, 2004 - Report this comment
Doesn't matter if IDKTOS. This was vintage Spaff. If only it never had to be written.
Jack Wilson - November 24, 2004 - Report this comment
LOL! That was great! 555!
Cookie-man - December 01, 2004 - Report this comment
That was very funny Spaff! Great work.
Guest - December 09, 2004 - Report this comment
*TRY THIS AGAIN* "I get opinions from talk ra-di-o Not them biased magazines" WOULD YOU SAY THE SAME FOR THE LIMBAUGH LETTER AND THE WEEKLY STANDARD? WHAT ABOUT PEOPLE WHO LISTEN TO AL FRANKEN? "and there ain't no jobs no more" WHAT COUNTRY ARE YOU IN? "So screw you all you lib'rals 'cause you'll never swing my state" LIKE WE HAVE A CHANCE OF SWINGING MASSACHUSETTS AND NEW YORK ANYTIME SOON? "till at least Two Thousand Eight" MAKE THAT JAN. 20, 2009 "I wonder why New York and D.C. Voted Democrat?" HMM..DC I KNOW, IT WAS THE ONLY PLACE MONDALE ONE BESIDES HIS HOME STATE. NEW YORK 2000: BUSH:35.2%; GORE:60.2%; NADER:3.6% NEW YORK 2004: BUSH:40.5%; KERRY:57.8%; NADER:1.5% HMM..EVEN THOUGH NADER'S VOTE FELL, SO DID JOHN KERRY'S. AND BUSH'S WENT UP BY A LOT. NOW WHY DO YOU SUPPOSE THAT HAPPENED? "We call that Born Agin" NO, WE CALL THAT BORN AGAIN "God bless my Bush!" LET ME SAY IT AGAIN: GOD BLESS BUSH! 1-1-1 FOR THIS.
Adagio - December 09, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Good one, Spaff...even if I be one a them red state women.
Cookie-man - December 10, 2004 - Report this comment
Forgot to put this in my initial comment (SOTM) :)
Rick D - December 10, 2004 - Report this comment
Hope they include this in the skool books in a hunnert years, but not that there Ee-volution.
Scathe - December 10, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) The mood in this parody is the same as the original. Curious. :-)
Arwen - December 10, 2004 - Report this comment
SOTM--up to your usual standards, Mr. Com. Um...Mr. Spaff. I don't know. Good job.
Melhi - December 12, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) This blue-state woman is still laughing too hard to think of a good comment!
EmiLoca - December 17, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) IF I PUT USED GUM ON MY CAPS LOCK KEY, PERHAPS IT WILL HELP ME SOUND INTELLIGENTER AND OR LOUD.
Spaff.com - December 19, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanx, Philbo & Stuart & Olvan & Scathe (I haven't graduated yet) & DJ64 & RJP & Michaelopedia & Jackie & Kooky Man & Rad & Scathe again & Arwen ("Oh Captain My Captain" will suffice) & Grandmaster Mel again.

Johnkins: Don't worry - I'm not going to write 1000 permutations of "Shrub Brat's Stolen Throne." I just had to blow off some steam.

Peterchyd: Thanks for your lovely essay on satire. I agree - it's all about stickin' it to The Man.

Guest: I'm pleased that we agree on virtually all of the key points, especially the "born again" thing (however y'all pronounce it).

Emi: RIGHT, BUT REMEMBER TO CHEW IT FIRST. ALSO, IT'S OK TO THROW IN some lowercase words FOR EMPHASIS.
Tim Mayfield - December 22, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Politically incorrect, but worth the flack.
Johnny D - December 29, 2004 - Report this comment
HAW !
Johnny D - December 29, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) BTW, that "HAW !" was for the November SOTM.
Stuart McArthur - December 29, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) already commented
Claude Prez - December 29, 2004 - Report this comment
Yee-haw. I mean, YEEHAW YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY BI-ASSED YOU PINKO COMMIE LIBERAL SORE LOOSER
Peregrin - December 29, 2004 - Report this comment
I red it and re-red it. Good one.
Meriadoc - December 29, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) I saw the exaggerated humor. Just. :-P
neminem - December 30, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Absolutely brilliant. If I had to go through and comment about all my favorite lines, my comment would be pretty much as long as the original song ;). 5's, coming to you from the bluest of states (California). Good luck in the contest!
neminem - December 30, 2004 - Report this comment
Er, what I meant to say was... GOOD LUCK in the CONTEST! ;)
Paul Robinson - December 31, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Well, I think "brilliant" has been used more than a few times up in the above comments...but it still fits. The OS is DKTOS to me and being at a Kinko's I'm not prepared to deal with sound files. I'm going with "5's" here since 90+% of the voters are there on your pacing and the other 10% appear to be voting "1's" for political reasons rather than the merit of your work...Yeah, the "Red States" are definitely giving me the "Electoral Blues"...
CrazyInsaneAnimeFanGirl - January 01, 2005 - Report this comment
I can't wait to hear the actual song!
NOVEMBER 2004 SONG OF THE MONTH SILVER MEDAL - January 02, 2005 - Report this comment
http://www.inthe00s.com/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=3009.0;id=2911;image
Martha - January 04, 2005 - Report this comment
Fabulous Spaff ... this one gets my vote for SOTM
Starlette Victory - January 07, 2005 - Report this comment
This Blue State Woman (who unfortunately lives in a Red State) thinks your song is hilarious. :-)
Spaff.com - January 12, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanx, Tim Maystayinthedugout & Johnny DD (I think) & Stuartiste (again) & Gollum & Smeagol (I think) & menimen (twice) & CIAFGirl & Johnny "Helter Smelter" & Martha My Dear & Starlette!
C4P: Of the two of us, YOU'RE THE LOOSER. Heh heh.
P-Rob: Sounds like a Kink-y New Year's Eve. Ever hear Larry the Cable Guy's bit about surfing the Net naked? They finally kicked him out of the Kinko's.
John Jenkins - February 16, 2005 - Report this comment
What Claude Prez said - except most other bi-assed sore losers don't have your wit, sense of humor, and ability to rhyme means and magazines.
Spaff.com - February 22, 2005 - Report this comment
You deserve some sort of award, Johnkins, for suffering through parodies from the "other side" and still being able to say nice things about them.
Zerla - February 25, 2005 - Report this comment
1-1-1 for this song.
2nz - March 14, 2005 - Report this comment
What John said. Is there an echo in here (Is there an echo in here...) I tried, but I can't really add anything further without it sounding like this.
Spaff.com - March 14, 2005 - Report this comment
2nz: What I said to John.
Zerla: You're trying to seduce me, aren't you?
Jeff - April 09, 2005 - Report this comment
Comedy is not your strong suit. How 'bout a new career? Try a trade school.
Jeff Reuben - April 12, 2005 - Report this comment
Just FYI...different Jeff above. I put my daughter to sleep every night listening to the Elves CD.
Spaff.com - May 02, 2005 - Report this comment
Jeff Reuben: Yikes - I'm totally gonna call Child Protective Services.
Other Jeff: You're trying to seduce me, aren't you?
maddywoo - December 31, 2005 - Report this comment
That's right! MY BUSH is in Charge! lol lol j/k that was wicked
Jennie - May 26, 2006 - Report this comment
Gay
Spaff.com - May 26, 2006 - Report this comment
maddywoo: If I had a nickel for every time I'd heard that...
Jennie: Damn straight
Ur Wacked - January 30, 2007 - Report this comment
What a bunch of freakin weirdos.........You people got too much time on your hands.
Spaff.com - February 03, 2007 - Report this comment
It's hard to believe such a calamity.

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