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Song Parodies -> "The Real Dim Lady"

Original Song Title:

"The Real Slim Shady"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Eminem

Parody Song Title:

"The Real Dim Lady"

Parody Written by:

Phil Alexander

The Lyrics

Written after encountering a combination of quacks and their supporters on the radio, television, internet and even in real life. While the phoney pill peddlers are frequently male (with plenty of exceptions, though), the majority of the voices speaking for them were women. Really, really dim ladies.

A note on pacing: the original frequently crams in so many words that even Eminem's quite remarkable machine-gun diction fails to fit a line into a line. I haven't tried syllable-matching, and have taken huge liberties with the rhyming scheme (in that I've got lots more and closer rhymes in this), but have run it against a back beat & reckon it raps pretty well.
Will you state your contention please?
Will you state your contention please?
You are real dim, lady - please shut up
I repeat, you're a real dim lady - please shut up
We're gonna have a problem here..


Y'all act like you never been corrected before
A terminal bore
You won't let me ignore
We ain't gonna develop not any rapport
If you keep insisting: one and one.. make four

You been going on 'bout acupuncture and reiki
Ayurveda, and what it does to your psyche
A Doctor of Homoeopathy ain't
A doctor at all, that ain't my biggest complaint
A feminist? No, you just follow the mystic
Who says vaccination makes children autistic
'cause you basically don't understand the statistics
Do I try and explain? No, that's unrealistic
Whatever I say, because it isn't "holistic"
Not treating the whole, or filling a hole
Because sometimes you behave like an a-hole
I'm just sayin it's not 'cause you like to say "no"
"Oh, just think of the kids! Oh, just think of the kids!"
Well, thinking of the kids is just what I is
Doing, because herd immunity isn't a swizz:
Getting mumps, getting measles isn't what I'd call "bliss"
They cause complications, something is amiss
Today, in the places where vaccination is down
They're getting epidemics in those towns
It isn't hard to work out the cause
But how would you feel if those sick children were yours?
Sorry if you thought that was an underhand crack
I didn't write this only for giving you flak
And I don't want you to feel like you're under attack:
But see where his data's published 'fore you follow a quack


Don't be a dim lady, a real dim lady
'Cause the dimmest dim ladies are just irritating
So won't that real dim lady please shut up
Please shut up - please shut up


Homoeopaths, chiropractors
Doing just what any quack does
Should know publishing results is how you refute
Negative publicity - not libel suits
If what you're gonna do is sue for libel
I'll see you in court, eyeball to eyeball
Call yourself a "Doctor" with your magic water
It's your soul you're selling - when you die you'll get hotter
And it's the middle-class moms, with their wine or the daiquiri
They're always the ones who fall for the quackery
And open themselves up to being made a mockery
Don't want to be misogynist, but back to your crockery
If that's how you deal with things that are medical
What I'm saying's reasoned, no it isn't heretical
I'm sick of anecdotes with a touch of distortion
Giving a conclusion that's all out of proportion
It ain't that they're all schemers and liars
Some are only falling prey to confirmation bias
And you see them on the telly, advising 'bout health
Well, you stupid ****ing ****ers can go **** yourself


'Cause that's a dim lady, a real dim lady
She stops other mothers from vaccinating
So won't that real dim lady please shut up
Please shut up - please shut up



There's a magazine: "What doctors don't tell you"
That's full of shit they are telling you is true
The only thing that's honest about what's inside
That doctors won't tell you it - if they did, they lied
'Cause the lies inside are systematic
And they are automatic, and they're hydromatic
But I don't really mean to be a Grease fanatic
It's problematic, not democratic
A symptomatic, idiosyncratic
Desire not to be too dogmatic
But I really don't know what space your head is in
If you try to cure disease with alternative medicine
In every single person is a dim lady lurkin
Don't be a jerk an' let her muddled brain work on
Your health decisions (even if you're Amer'can)
It's still gonna cost you a buck
Or two, and if it works, it'll be dumb luck
So, will the dim lady please shut up?
Shut the freakin' soddin' **** up?
If you're not listening to me, if you're looking bored
When you die, I'll make sure you get a Darwin Award


'Cause that's a dim lady, a real dim lady
Her views are flaky indiscriminately
So won't that real dim lady please shut up
Please shut up - please shut up

'Cause that's a dim lady, a real dim lady
Her voice kinda sounds like mosquitos mating
So won't that real dim lady please shut up
Please shut up - please shut up

'Cause that's a dim lady, a real dim lady
She stops other mothers from vaccinating
So won't that real dim lady please shut up
Please shut up - please shut up

Don't be a dim lady, a real dim lady
'Cause the dimmest dim ladies are just irritating
So all the real dim ladies please shut up
Please shut up - please shut up

Ha ha
Guess there's a dim lady in all of us
**** it, let's all shut up

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 3.7
How Funny: 3.8
Overall Rating: 3.8

Total Votes: 10

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   3
 3
 3
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   1
 0
 0
 
 5   6
 7
 7
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Michael Pacholek - November 30, 2012 - Report this comment
Michele Bachmann?
John Barry - November 30, 2012 - Report this comment
Incisive rhyming.
PM - November 30, 2012 - Report this comment
Sandra Fluke.
RickC - November 30, 2012 - Report this comment
Masterfully written ! 555
Phil Alexander - December 01, 2012 - Report this comment
PM - no, definitely not Sandra Fluke: this is written for anyone who has continued to champion Andrew Wakefield long after his flawed research was conclusively disproven; anyone at all who promotes homoeopathy or other unproven treatments over things that have an evidence base; in short, anyone who thinks that "because I think so" trumps double-blinded RCTs and goes on to tell you that they must be right because drugs companies want to keep making money.

..while Michele Bachmann is not the smartest cookie in the packet, I've never heard her talking about health or vaccination, so I'm not sure that she fits, either.
Meriadoc - December 04, 2012 - Report this comment
Lots of great rhyming - Eminem would be proud of you. Have a bottle of Peruna on me.

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