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Song Parodies -> "Bloody Sick Of Twilight"

Original Song Title:

"Cleanin' Out My Closet"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Eminem

Parody Song Title:

"Bloody Sick Of Twilight"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

Gah, this book destroys my brain so much I'm ashamed to be writing a parody about it. But the Parody Decathlon demanded Books/Literature to a rap song, and as much as the Twilight series stretches the definition of "literature", it was the first idea I had, and rap is too hard to go through several ideas. Let's go!
What's that gleam?
Oh, it's just a sparkling vampire
...hang on, what?
Oh
My God

Have you ever had a book that read like real bad fanfiction?
I have, it is called Twilight and some more books after it
New Moon, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn, that's what they're called
That's not the point, the point is that they have left me apalled
This girl named Bella Swan, very whiny and she falls for Edward
And he's so dazzling and sparkling, literally, I'm not kidding
Saves her from death, no-one sees 'em, how that works I'm just not seein'
And he's a vampire, a weird one, he's breakin' vampire tradition
See him in mirrors, has no fangs and when he's hit by sunlight
He isn't crum-ba-ling, he just glimmers - that is just shite
Look at them now, they're kissin' and it makes her pass out
Friggin' Meyer, she made vampires look so ridiculous, wow!

I'm sorry Twihards
I never meant to hurt you
Well, maybe just a bit but only because
I'm bloody sick of Twilight (it's a crime)
I said, I'm sorry Twihards
I sorta meant to hurt you
The books just damn screwed up vampires
So that's why I'm bloody sick of Twilight - ha!

I've got more bones to pick with this dogshit, but I'll stick to the really big picks
So before you get pissed off with this par'dy and spam it I'ma expose it:
It's Jacob Black's terrible story
Alternate love int'rest that turned into a vi-o-lent freak
He is a werewolf - though he ain't the kind that turns with the moon -
Close friends with Bella, 'round when Edward wants to save her from doom
And he splits - but Bella wants him back cuz he wants to die
(That's Edward, he sparkles in public to commit suicide)
Then what of Jacob? Well, he forces himself on Bella, right?
Even though that's friggin' rape, BELLA STARTS LIKING IT, shite!
To go from "funny guy" to "mad abusing jerk" though Edward makes that shtick work
What's the fecking diff'rence? Well, the latter wants to chew on her throat!
You might think THAT'S stupid, I'm afraid it gets worse
Cuz the dumbest shit is when Jacob imprints on Swan's unborn girl
(What is imprinting? Well, it's kinda like "love at fist sight")
What the crap? That is the most retarded thing in this shite

I'm sorry Twihards
I know this may offend you
That is what I'm trying to do
Because I am bloody sick of Twilight - yes I am
I said, I'm sorry Twihards
I've got one more verse to do
And it's the biggest reason why
I'm completely bloody sick of Twilight

Now I would never diss a book series just to get recognition
Take a second to read exactly why this crapfest I'm dissin'
Just think of RPattz's* position, just try to envision
Listenin' to your fangirls asking if their necks can get bitten
Bitchin' if someone says that they don't like the books, then attackin'
Goin' from simple punch-and-kickin' to an attempt at throat slashin'
I know I read these tales on the net, so they may have been made up
And not true, but if that's so, what about the pics of the scars that they took?**
Was that the reaction that your expecting to it, Meyer?
All of your fangirls making death threats, that what you wanted, Meyer?
And guess what, it's gettin' crazy now, with the new film coming sooner
And the craze is growin' so damn quick, I am afraid of November
And Twihards if you hate me now, think I'm jealous of Edward's looks
And I won't get a girl, and I am a secret fan of the books
See, that's what gets me the most, is you all just can't get along
You might be wrong! Keep tellin' yoursleves that that is "true love"
But how dare you accuse me of things that just have no real basis
Son of a bitch! Your "arguments" are total, absolute shit!
And if you ignore this song, and you heap lots of spam on me?
Well guess what, I don't care, I'll be laughing, you'll see!!

I'm sorry Twihards
Sorry I insulted you
I've got my fingers crossed, my bad
It's cuz I am bloody sick of Twilight - can't deny
I said, I'm sorry Twihards
Will this message get to you?
I doubt it will, and I know why
It's why I am bloody sick of Twilight
* RPattz (are-pats) = Robert Pattinson, the poor sod playing Edward Cullen (he's scared of the fanbase!) ** Thread about the attempted throat slash Picture of the scar on the poor dude's throat. And yes, Jacob Black falls in love with an unborn half-vampire. WTF.

Your Vote & Comment Counts

The parody authors spend a lot of time writing parodies for the website and they appreciate feedback in the form of votes and comments. Please take some time to leave a comment below about this parody.

Place Your Vote

 LittleLots
Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 



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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 16

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 0
 0
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   0
 0
 0
 
 5   16
 16
 16
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Christie Marie M - September 22, 2009 - Report this comment
I'm not into Twilight that much, except for the fact that Robert Pattinson/Edward Cullen is such a hot guy and a great actor! Sink your teeth to some 5's!
Silver Power - September 22, 2009 - Report this comment
I would've given you 5s on the title alone, but the parody was great too.
stiletto coilz - September 23, 2009 - Report this comment
i realy hate twighlight 2 wats da hype about i mean ther not even that great i hav red a s*** load of books better then dat series
Cody Slusher - September 28, 2009 - Report this comment
True.True.
Silver Power - October 02, 2009 - Report this comment
[SOTM] See above.
Matthias - October 05, 2009 - Report this comment
I loved how you brutally ripped into Twilight with this one, I can't stand that series because every fangirl is so obsessed with Edward Cullen from age 2 to 102, it really pisses me off. Great commentary!
GLen S - October 08, 2009 - Report this comment
Seems like great commentary. I've been noticing a resurge in the amount of 'vampire' stuff about. Twilight and movies, True Blood, sections devoted to other stuff in the libraries, but one highligh would probably be 'Pride and Prejudice, and Zombies'. Anyhow, don't have a background in this yet, and you convinced me to keep it that way :c]
Chris Frederick - October 10, 2009 - Report this comment
SOTM - Great parody complete with accurate subject matter references, solid pacing, and a fabulous pairing of OS and topic. The parody lends itself to Eminem's signature "angry" delivery style, and I'd love to see it get recorded.
Mark Scotti - October 13, 2009 - Report this comment
SOTM this parody did far from "suck"!!!
Peter Andersson - October 15, 2009 - Report this comment
You need to sink your teeth into a better read, may I recommend the plaque trilogy by Jeff Carlson;
http://www.sfreviews.net/carlson_plague_year.html
Guy - October 18, 2009 - Report this comment
(SOTM-Sep-09)

Great Halloween theme going on here and you are right on time with it being in a comp. Bloody good title.
Arwen - October 19, 2009 - Report this comment
It kind of freaks me out how much you know about these books...that you supposedly hate, Conq. ; )
Max Power - October 23, 2009 - Report this comment
I know, seriously!
Phil Alexander - October 31, 2009 - Report this comment
I feel I know more about Twilight than many who'll have read the books, and all I've seen is this parody :-) Impressive rant, CoP
DJ Blaze - October 31, 2009 - Report this comment
Echo all positive comments! GREAT!!! 555
Jeff Reuben - October 31, 2009 - Report this comment
SOTM--Awesome job and timely with the new movie just around the corner. One of your best!
Arwen - November 01, 2009 - Report this comment
I'm still baffled about how much you know...considering how much you claim to hate the books. ; )
Mark Scotti - March 02, 2010 - Report this comment
(SOTY) I never enjoyed this movie. My daughter is hooked on the books, but I AM hooked on this parody. Well written!
Agrimorfee - March 03, 2010 - Report this comment
Eminem is a beeyotch to pull off, and you did quite well here. One rhyme was out of left field for me ("...slash her throat!"), but you took some good risks not following every rhyme of Em's. Any rip on the Twilight phenonmenon is great in my book.
Arwen - March 10, 2010 - Report this comment
SOTY...I'm always impressed with those who conquer rap...it's undoable for me...and this is stellar, Conq...
Silver Power - March 14, 2010 - Report this comment
Third time I've commented this one.. Still, great work.
Andria - March 23, 2010 - Report this comment
(ABC A & B) Never read the book that the parody's based on (always been into true crime, true medicine, history, Stephen King and Clive Cussler), but an excellent parody in every way. Like Aggy said, Eminem OSes are a PITA to parody, but you pulled it off quite well. 5s.
Mark Scotti - March 24, 2010 - Report this comment
(ABC A&B) Never sick re-reading this one! Well done.
Matthias - March 25, 2010 - Report this comment
Although this seemed to be in more contests than I'm willing to count, okay 3, it still packs a punch. What a great rip on a terrible franchise!
tomario - March 28, 2010 - Report this comment
(ABC) you have my respect i could never do a rap song (i did start doing "Straight outta Compton once! ) you have put a lot of work into this and it shows.
Invisible Boy - March 31, 2010 - Report this comment
A fine rip/rant to a tough OS.
I'm ashamed to say that these books are all over my house thanks to my youngest fandaughter. Perhaps you would like to meet her ? Then again...never mind. :-)
EmiLoca - April 08, 2010 - Report this comment
Awesome toppling of the TwiShrine, this is a nasty song to parody and you did so excellently.
Below Average Dave - April 10, 2010 - Report this comment
I have to say that I had a lot of trouble reading this buddy. When you do a rap song, if you change the rhyme scheme up to the extent you changed this one up it becomes very hard to read to the original, still a very good job with a tough original. . .
Abbott Skelding - April 11, 2010 - Report this comment
A/B- Excellent job! Great title change and great topic 555
Red Ant - April 12, 2010 - Report this comment
Gotta agree with Dave, this one would be better recorded than read. And I have to admit while I didnt read the books, I have seen both movies... and like them. lol. Still, 555 for the flow and work put into this most difficult song.
Below Average Dave - April 12, 2010 - Report this comment
See above buddy
Flash Flood - July 15, 2010 - Report this comment
It's like you read every Twilight-hater's toughts,even mine.Here's a 5.Here's another one,too.Aw,what the hell,I'll give ya another one,you deserved it!

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