Making fun of music, one song at a time. Since the year 2000.
Check out the two amIright misheard lyrics books including one book devoted to misheard lyrics of the 1980s.
(Toggle Right Side Navigation)

Song Parodies -> "Cheatin' On My Diet"

Original Song Title:

"Cleanin' Out My Closet"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Eminem

Parody Song Title:

"Cheatin' On My Diet"

Parody Written by:

Merry & Pippin

The Lyrics

Where's eclairs?
I'll have eclairs and ice cream cones
Pears and dough
Flan
Ho...Hos!

Will I never be sated, or emaciated and thin? No flab!
Bites been ingested and masticated to bits
Lickin' pies; scorin' chicken thighs; cookin' up fries
Sick of this diet and the tummy-tuckin' tips that I've tried
Potatoes roastin', cream doughnuts, some beef parogies - I'm bloatin'
Shrimp mar'natin' in Claret, Bordeaux is off but keeps flowin'
Hot bacon frothin' on Teflon gives a smell strong an' so pleasin'
Keep fixin' bass in the morning and bakin' plaice in the evenin'
Even with a basted cow or pachyderm or some trout
These I can fricassee, or I'll maybe pickle with kraut
Cook up a sow - I bet I'm never sick of this chow - Aunt Jemima
I'm gonna take and drip on my chicken sticks, wow!

Cal-ORies wanna - jus' threaten to emburst you
Endeavor to increase your size
It's a blight! I'm cheatin' on my diet

Some key-lime!

I said cal-ORies wanna - jus' threaten to emburst you
Endeavor to increase your size
It's a blight! I'm cheatin' on my diet

I bought some celery but I tossed it; my diet: chowin' Crispos blows it
So don' show me snow peas; provide me stuffin', no rose-hips - I'm gonna dispose it
I'll make a batch of fett-u-cin-i
Then for my supper have a bulky plateful swell KFC
I want the gravy, baby, I want just a couple of lumps
I'm piggin' Whoppers an' I've had six candied yams for my lunch
Custard whipped, or buttered Jiffy Pop an' Swiss cheese and rye
No T-bone; I'm overwrought, I'll just suck a dish of fried rice
I took a snailey, man, I couldn't picture eatin' her fried
Squeezin' pasturated skim on grits beneath; simplifyin': take a spork and spear a feast of whale and hake
I'll maybe bake some cupcakes; puddin's only lemon (wit' pecans an' stuffed with raisins and dates)
Spate o' ser'ous pukin'; spew out sugar plums
But the smores I ate an' picked the choc'late bullets out of my gums
Ducks I'd a grilled 'em, and I could a quaffed venison whole
For my life I can't unlock my paws from the M&M bowl

Cal-ORies wanna - jus' threaten to emburst you
Endeavor to increase your size
It's a blight! I'm cheatin' on my diet

Rib roast prime!

I said cal-ORies wanna - jus' threaten to emburst you
Endeavor to increase your size
It's a blight! I'm cheatin' on my diet

Now I'm told every dish of cold gumbo must I let wreck nutrition
Takin' seconds of schnitzel; sausage link in nectar is sizzlin'
Gut stuffed enough - apply vomition
Must buy all provisions: licorice, bananas, Pop'n' Fresh, Liptons, dills an' some Fizzies
Glitch in that phoneline: always to the corner Pizza Hut's busy
Goin' thru choc'late mousse an' biscuits; pick up an' munch thousand DingDongs
Gullet's ripe to invade an' receive custard sticks by the dozen
'Less I throw up; I will blow up - it makes me thick in the stomach doesn't it?
Isn't it unpleasin' to savor seaweed and greens raw?
So you could try Craig Jennyfy - survive by eatin' cole slaw?
Still not stuffed! I'm eatin' molé now and six bowls of canolli
That rations throwing up is tricky when it's cold ravioli
And Campbell's chicken's so thick now, you should see it so noodleful
Buncha Chedder Cheezits, I eat even treacle - oodlesful!
Be adorning my toast with bacon bits in a jar
Trix! Lucky Charms! Reap Kelloggy wealth - it won't do ya harm
And now varied pies I bake a few: mint an' pumpkin or mince
Stew shellfish quiche an' okra; shuckin' corn is swell in a pinch
Cucumbers on Coney Dogs and spread with Wishbone Lite see
Well guess what, I'll cram bread - bread with slew calories!

Cal-ORies wanna - jus' threaten to emburst you
Endeavor to increase your size
It's a blight! I'm cheatin' on my diet

Some pork rinds!

I said cal-ORies wanna - jus' threaten to emburst you
Endeavor to increase your size
It's a blight! I'm cheatin' on my diet

Your Vote & Comment Counts

The parody authors spend a lot of time writing parodies for the website and they appreciate feedback in the form of votes and comments. Please take some time to leave a comment below about this parody.

Place Your Vote

 LittleLots
Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 



In order for your vote to count, you need to hit the 'Place Your Vote' button.
 

Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.9

Total Votes: 16

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 0
 0
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 1
 0
 
 4   0
 2
 2
 
 5   16
 13
 14
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Johnny D - December 06, 2004 - Report this comment
You hobbits seem to have been savin' it up for a big, er, ahh, well, ya know.... heh heh... good job!
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - December 06, 2004 - Report this comment
Official (food) stamp of approval from me for this gluttonous gem! I'd better start pulling my socks up! 555 kj
mandamoo - December 07, 2004 - Report this comment
Hahaha ! I'm sure I put on kilos just reading that ! Good stuff...ed !
Jeff Reuben - December 07, 2004 - Report this comment
Excellent job, hobbits!
Meriadoc - December 07, 2004 - Report this comment
Johnny - dunno how it happened; we just suddenly had 5 ready to go at once...

Luke and Jeff, I know you are both excellent rap parodists, so your kudos are extra appreciated!

Moo - looks like you will have to go run a mile in that nice Christmas heatwave you are having - hee hee.

The author of the parody has authorized comments, and wants YOUR feedback.

Link To This Page

The address of this page is: http://www.amiright.com/parody/2000s/eminem192.shtml For help, see the examples of how to link to this page.

This is view # 666