Right now
she's probably slow-dacning with a fake-cowboy
and she's probably getting horny.
Right now
he's probably sensing that she's had too much to drink
and things just got thorny.
Right now
she's probably up behind him with a bottle
ready to hit him on his head so...

And he don't know...
that she threw her purse at cousin Sue
thinking that I'd found somebody new
calling me a "dog" and a "bastard" and a "putz."

She took a Valium tablet right down her throat
slashed some holes into my tires.
Maybe she'll recall I dumped her because she's nuts.

Right now
she's probably up telling the cops
that I stole her CD collection.
Right now
she's probably saying, "I'm drunk
and Mike drove me to every indiscretion."
Right now
she's probably dabbing on thirty bucks' worth of that old L'Oreal.
A crazy gal.

And she called my sister a "cheap-ass whore"
saw her kids, not mine, and asked, "Are there more?"
How deep it cuts.

She toked a Mexico bomber into her brain.
gashed a whole into her mind.
Maybe she'll recall I dumped her because she's nuts.

I might've saved a little trouble for the next guy.
'Cause the next times she goes nuts.
Whoa, you know it won't be on me!
No, not on me!

I never cheated on her, oh, no, not once.
She's lying and I know she really hates my guts.
I sent the dealership's bill to her mailbox.
She'll pay for the damage to my car.
Maybe she'll recall I dumped her because she's nuts.

Whoa, maybe she'll recall I dumped her because she's nuts.

Whoa, because she's nuts.