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Song Parodies -> "He's Always Benedict to Me (Dumb Ass Kid Remix)"

Original Song Title:


Original Performer:

Bowling for Soup

Parody Song Title:

"He's Always Benedict to Me (Dumb Ass Kid Remix)"

Parody Written by:

The Lyrics

Reportedly, Pope Benedict XVI (back when he was Cardinal Ratzinger) proclaimed rock music "an instrument of the devil" and warned against the satanic influence of such groups as the Beatles, the Rolling Stones, Pink Floyd, Queen, Led Zeppelin and the Eagles. Vatican officials, the story says, "identified some of the worst offenders as Alice Cooper, Black Sabbath and AC/DC," whose initials, they claimed, mean "Anti-Christ, Death to Christ." The surprising thing about the story is that the pope said nothing about the most obvious devil-spawn, Michael Bolton.

Benedict X.V.I.
He's always popping by
Not that I should mind
He brings me bread and wine
But me and der Ponteeff
Got one ongoing beef:
He says the bands I lub
Come from Beelzebub

I think I could understand this
If I liked the teen-boy bands
Maybe if I wet my pants
With Amer-can Idol fans
Or freaking Christian pop
That's Satan's bumper crop
Or hell, there's Hillary Duff -
Instead Pops
Hates the

Like the Stones and
The Beatles
& Queen and Floyd and Eagles
Man I don't get
His outrage
With Bonham, Jones, and Plant and Page
He's banned res
For my LP collection
To some he's "Dear Pope" but he's
Just Ben-uh
Benedict to me

(Benedict to me)

He says "AC"/DC
Stands for Anti-Christ
Ain't the Popemobile been
What's next, holy guy?
Lucy-fer in the Sky?
You'd think he'd understand
Sgt Poper's Lonely Priests Club Band

How'd he overlook
All the new crap?
The war-nut country and
The techno-metal-speed-rap?
Instead his heresies
Are old hippies
Don't get him started on
(Or the other young guns...)

Floyd and
The Eagles
& What's left of the Beatles
Man, ain't Keith Rich
-ards dead yet?
Is Ozzy really still a threat?
He's heard Al
-ice Cooper
Takes Satan up the pooper
Though some call him "Sweet Sixteen"
He's Ben-uh
Benedict to me


He's pissed he
Missed Woodstock
Hence the weird obsession with classic rock
I chafe at sermons
Given by Germans
Er ist der

Guess who shook

His sem-
Peter, Paul and Mary!
He won't build on
No rock there
So rest assured St Peter's square!
Won't play stuff
He sees as
More pope-u-lar than Jesus
The guy they call B-16's
Benedict to me

Gimme Stones and
The Beatles
& *Some* stuff by the Eagles
God bless Joplin
And Hendrix
And all of Papa Ratzi's picks
You know what's
That love song from "Titanic"!
Dude may be the Pope but he's
Just Ben-uh
Benedict to me

"Dumb Ass Kid" pointed out that my first version of this was missing a chorus. So I took some special pills and made it longer.
(c) 2005+ Bowling for Spaff

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.4
How Funny: 4.4
Overall Rating: 4.4

Total Votes: 13

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   2
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   11

User Comments

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Stuart McArthur - May 18, 2005 - Report this comment
yeah, it's okay, but you should've used "and" instead of "&" so I had to dock you - 355 - nah, what the hell, let's live a little - 555

(just laughing WITH you, DAK!!!)
Jeff Reuben - May 18, 2005 - Report this comment
This just seems too long now. If you stopped right before the last chorus, it would have been perfect =)
Dumb Ass Kid - May 18, 2005 - Report this comment
S'okay, Stu, no offence taken! Wow, I was actually expecting to be flooded with parodies about me after the 355 incident, but thankfully none came. This is about the closest thing, so 455 for Spaff. Only joking! 555, of course
DKTOS? - May 18, 2005 - Report this comment
Don't Know The Original Song? It's temporarily available at
Peter Andersson a.k.a K1chyd - May 18, 2005 - Report this comment
I think you'll get white smoke all around for this one now...
Red Ant to - May 18, 2005 - Report this comment
Care to explain why you linked me with Michael Bolton ( a.k.a "..the most obvious devil-spawn " )?
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - May 18, 2005 - Report this comment
LOL on the links. But you're not scabbing TWO votes outta me.
Olvan The Terrible - May 19, 2005 - Report this comment
I've seen my share of 1985 parodies, and none have made me laugh as much as this one. And the subject matter is all true, too!
Ashkicksass - May 20, 2005 - Report this comment
You know, you're really quite good at this parody thing, Spaff. - May 26, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanx, Stuartiste & Missing Chorus Kid & Peter CHYD & Ralphing Luke & Old Minivan!


Ant in Chains: Blame Overlord Kristof for that one. Then again, if the shoe fits...

Sister Kicksass: Welcome back! Are you back? Back in black?
Megan, formerly FuNkY - May 28, 2005 - Report this comment
I love it. I love it. *laugh* Spaff, you are a genius. (I'm still positively giddy about the brilliance of "Shakespearean Pie".) Greatest moment of the parody: "Won't play stuff he sees as more pope-u-lar than Jesus". A 'Pope' pun, a great rhyming of 'sees as' with 'Jesus' AND a smart reference to John Lennon's infamous line about the Beatles being bigger than Jesus. Now there's a Holy Trinity for you, hey?
Pope Spaff LXIX - June 11, 2005 - Report this comment
Artist Formerly Known as Funky Monkey: Thanks! I was hoping someone would catch that Lennon reference. You win a lifetime supply of indulgences.
Jack Wilson - November 27, 2006 - Report this comment
I tohught I commeented on this revised version ages ago,guess not,t hsi is great! - December 12, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks, Jack.
Jack Wilson - December 15, 2006 - Report this comment
You're welcome,Spaff!
white trash - February 11, 2010 - Report this comment
the popes right they are satanic and do you want to know what Angel sarah mclauchlan sings about belial the angel! - February 25, 2010 - Report this comment
Actually, Sarah McLachlan's "Angel" is about eating so much angel food cake that you fly into diabetic shock.

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