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Song Parodies -> "He's Always Benedict to Me"

Original Song Title:


Original Performer:

Bowling for Soup

Parody Song Title:

"He's Always Benedict to Me"

Parody Written by:

The Lyrics

Reportedly, Pope Benedict XVI (back when he was Cardinal Ratzinger) proclaimed rock music "an instrument of the devil" and warned against the satanic influence of such groups as the Beatles, the Rolling Stones, Pink Floyd, Queen, Led Zeppelin and the Eagles. Vatican officials, the story says, "identified some of the worst offenders as Alice Cooper, Black Sabbath and AC/DC," whose initials, they claimed, mean "Anti-Christ, Death to Christ." The most surprising thing about the story is that the Pope said nothing about the most obvious devil-spawn, Michael Bolton.

Benedict X.V.I.
He's always popping by
Not that I should mind
He brings me bread and wine
But me and der Ponteeff
Got one ongoing beef
He says the bands I lub
Come from Beelzebub

I think I could understand this
If I liked the teen-boy bands
Maybe if I wet my pants
With Amer-can Idol fans
Or freaking Christian pop
That's Satan's bumper crop
Or hell, there's Hillary Duff -
Instead Pops
Hates the

Like the Stones and
The Beatles
And Queen and Floyd and Eagles
Man I don't get
His outrage
With Bonham, Jones, and Plant and Page
He's banned res
For my LP collection
To some he's "Dear Pope" but he's
Benedict to me

(Benedict to me)

He says "AC"/DC
Stands for Anti-Christ
Ain't the Popemobile been
What's next, holy guy?
Lucy-fer in the Sky?
You'd think he'd understand
Sgt Poper's Lonely Priests Club Band

How'd he overlook
All the new crap?
The gun-nut country and
The techno-metal-speed-rap?
Instead his heresies
Are old hippies
Don't get him started on
(Or the other young guns...)

Floyd and
The Eagles
& What's left of the Beatles
Is Keith Rich
-ards dead yet?
Is Ozzy really still a threat?
He's heard Al
-ice Cooper
Takes Satan up the pooper
Though some call him "Sweet Sixteen"
He's Ben-uh
Benedict to me


He's pissed he
Missed Woodstock
Hence the weird obsession with classic rock
I chafe at sermons
Given by Germans
Er ist der Papst!

God bless the

Stones and
The Beatles
And *some* stuff by the Eagles
I'll take Joplin
And Hendrix
And all of Papa Ratzi's picks
You know what's
That love song from "Titanic"
Dude may be the Pope but he's
Just Ben-uh
Benedict to me

Your Vote & Comment Counts

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.0
How Funny: 4.3
Overall Rating: 4.3

Total Votes: 24

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   4
 2   0
 3   2
 4   3
 5   15

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Billy Boyd - May 04, 2005 - Report this comment
lol! This was sweet. Best parody of this song ever. All fives-plus.
DKTOS? - May 04, 2005 - Report this comment
For those who Don't Know The Original Song, it's temporarily available at
Dumb Ass Kid - May 04, 2005 - Report this comment
I was sure you'd missed out a chorus near the end, I went on your site to hear the original - and I was right. Since you've missed out a WHOLE CHORUS, the most I can give is a three, which is a shame because the rest of it is so beautifully paced. It's very funny and frighteningly Wierd-Al-Like, but falling at the final hurdle cost you the gold medal. 355 - May 04, 2005 - Report this comment
Here you go, Dumb Ass Kid:
"Repeat chorus"
Royce Miller - May 04, 2005 - Report this comment
good sequel to Vatican City
Smart Ass Kid - May 04, 2005 - Report this comment
3-5-5? clearly, some 'parodists' are devil spawn as well...

DKTOS, but you rock, as usual, Spaff.
Dumb Ass Kid - May 04, 2005 - Report this comment
Excuse me?
Dumb Ass Kid to Smart Ass Kid - May 04, 2005 - Report this comment
Don't you ever make little stabs like that at me again. Say what the hell you want about the votes i've given, but don't you ever EVER make comments like that about me as a parodist, especially seeing as how a) you're not a 'parodist' yourself, and b) there was no reason for you to say that. If Spaff had a problem with the vote, he would've said himself. He doesn't need you to defend him. In future, I suggest you keep little nasty remarks like that to yourself
Arwen - May 04, 2005 - Report this comment
This is wonderfully written, Spaff...I'll 5 it. And I'm still wondering when you're going to send some of your talent my way. You did get my self addressed, stamped envelope, didn't you? I even added extra postage...=(

And...just in the interest of being logical, and not in any effort to start a fight...DAK, you can't assume that SAK isn't a parodist. He certainly wouldn't be the first person to comment under an alias. Even if he's commented as SAK before...he could still be a parodist. Most likely, he is. And, even if he isn't...he can still form a valid opinion.

And, while I certainly wouldn't call you a spawn of the devil, I agree that a 3 for pacing is ridiculous...several parodists choose not to type out a repeated chorus...
Sweet Indigo - May 04, 2005 - Report this comment
Woohoo! When I heard the news, I was also wondering why the Pope is complaining about all these great bands, about thirty years too late. At least the fundamentalists caught on to Marylin Manson... Anyway, great job!
Dumb Ass Kid to Arwen - May 04, 2005 - Report this comment
Fine, you find it ridiculous, and I don't care if Smart Ass Kid IS a parodist, even if he is he souldn't be going around making comments like that. And i've rated parodies before where people have missed out whole choruses and verses, and they've recieved 3s. It wouldn't be fair on the past parodies ive rated if I gave Spaff any higher, because that is seen as Bias
Claude Prez - May 04, 2005 - Report this comment
All right, I STRONGLY urge anyone who hasn't clicked on this because they don't know the original to take the time to go to and read along with it. Especially all you old fogies like me who love classic rock. I guarantee you won't regret it. I was going to give a three on pacing but it was offset by the TWENTY-FIVES in the other categories. In conclusion: this rocks.
kozar - May 04, 2005 - Report this comment
Yes it does rock! Excellent job...5-5-5! =)
Dumb Ass Kid - May 04, 2005 - Report this comment
Hey, leave Arwen alone! She was just making a point
Arwen - May 04, 2005 - Report this comment
Awww...but if I did that, I'd miss out on unbelievably witty comments like yours, EtA...
Red Ant - May 04, 2005 - Report this comment
Finally got to hear TOS ( not from's site though ). Yes it is missing a chorus and therefore not a perfect 5 pacing, just " Lots " ( pacing for me also means " completeness " ). It is hilarious though.Did the real leave that comment? I have seen almost every parody from you in the last 3 months and have not seen you put "repeat chorus" in one of them, let alone not make up a seperate chorus for even ones that repeat such as "Vatican City". You are better than that VERY GOOD, though I guess you are mortal after all. 555.PS-Don't flame me for this, just my opinion.
Matthias - May 04, 2005 - Report this comment
Great one spaff!!! You inspired me to do Benny and Threats...
Red Ant - May 04, 2005 - Report this comment
I see that I cannot still use the darned " Break " key right. PSS- That " Don't flame " wasn't directed to Spaff.
Earth - May 04, 2005 - Report this comment
Moon - May 04, 2005 - Report this comment
*mooning earth*
Adam Eccleshall - May 04, 2005 - Report this comment
Amen to that :-)
John Barry - May 04, 2005 - Report this comment
Fantastic and amen.
Michael Pacholek - May 04, 2005 - Report this comment
First of all, if we're gonna toss Michael Bolton in the lake of fire, why not throw in Kenny G, too? Second of all, wonder if he's any relation to would-be Ambassador John Bolton? It would explain a few things. Finally, it's not "Earth to Arwen," it's "Arwen from Middle Earth." And don't bust her chops. That's my job.
EmiLoca - May 04, 2005 - Report this comment
ROFL, Spaff. Once again, you have proven me wrong that the best things in life appear at the top of the webpage. - May 04, 2005 - Report this comment
Thank you all for your comments. I expected this one to kick up some controversy, but I thought the controversy would be about Catholicism or country music or Hillary Duff or the use of "pooper"....But PACING?!

Obviously I don't find it necessary for a parody to contain a rewrite of every single verse, chorus, and bridge. Many parodies (including a few of my own) would benefit greatly from being trimmed back a little - or a lot.

That said, if somebody wants to mark me down for pacing, feel free. There are 125 different ways to fill in the dots, and I'm not someone who thinks that only one of those is valid and the rest are a kick in the nuts. Dumb Ass Kid explained his vote (which is more than most voters do) and I accept and respect that - despite my cheeky comment.

I also respect Arwen's right to say that a 3 for pacing is ridiculous, and I don't know why anyone would feel the need to shout her down for an innocuous comment about a trivial subject. To "Earth" I say: In an exchange of opinions, the weakest thing you can say is "shut up" (or "put a sock in it" or whatever). That indicates that you are unable to further defend your position, so your last resort is to get the other side to stop defending theirs.

Anyhoo. I stayed up way too late last night writing this, so I'm glad that some of you like it. Thanks again for your feedback, which is really the only reward for doing this. If you don't count the groupies.
Your Worst Nightmare - May 04, 2005 - Report this comment
"Ain't the Popemobile been Air-Conditionized?"

Actually, AC/DC got its name from a cousin of one of the members, who saw it on the back of a vacuum cleaner and thought it looked cool.

Actually, my only beef with the pope is that he was ignorant enough to condemn a whole genre of music (N'Sync and Britney Spears are still apocalyptic warnings). Of course, it was nine years ago, and he may have changed his beliefs since then. I was reading a story about how he was forced into military service for Hitler, and actually one day excused himself from the Junior Hitler Socialist Club (something like that), an act that must have taken courage.
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - May 04, 2005 - Report this comment
Whilst Marilyn Manson continues to produce his spiritually uplifting works without recognition. I was deeply offended by your pacing, Spaff.
Surprise! - May 04, 2005 - Report this comment
The Pope is Catholic, Bolton is the good guy, Democrats are evil murderous bastards, the UN is a Satanic cesspool of totalitarians, and your song is bullshit. Here's a few ones for you, assholes.
Stuart McArthur - May 04, 2005 - Report this comment
Wow, this is definitely a 555 if ever I've seen one
and DAK, I understand your point about having to be consistent - so to borrow that point, I have to be consistent with a discussion I had with you and Red Ant regarding voting over on the MB - and repeat my prediction that in a few months time you'll be less conscientious about the minutiae of voting and start giving out 555s to worthy parodies, just coz they're worthy

because, although a "repeat chorus" was left out, I reckon that omission lowers the pacing quality of this by about 3%, which would give it a 4.7, which would round up to a 5. I can't see how the omission of those 2 words compromises the pacing quality by the 40% you penalised it

also (and this isn't directed at you DAK) in Australia, we have a phenomenon we call "the tall poppy syndrome" where we're prone to taking tall poppies and trying to cut them down to size a little

I reckon I've noticed a bit of that going on regarding Spaff's stuff in the last few months - although I'm sure Spaff can cope with it
Steven Cavanagh - May 05, 2005 - Report this comment
quinquies quinquies quinquies. Amen.
Red Ant to Stuart - May 05, 2005 - Report this comment
Yes Stuart, I still think that way. I WAS tempted to vote this a 455 but since it was closer to a 5 than a 4 I went with 5. Like you said, it would be like a 4.7 which rounds up, hence my mention here of " Lots" , not " Perfect ".

Also, depending on how you do your math, 3% of a 5 is .15, therefore would be a 4.85 vs 4.7. If you take it from 100, then you get a 4.7

Yes, I am picky on pacing but will not dock it with a 4 unless it is under about 85% complete or paced well to TOS.

PS- DAK has given me a 455 before and he was right, I screwed up a pre-chorus that made the parody ackwards. A 355 is harsh here but atleast he explained himself.
Red Ant - May 05, 2005 - Report this comment
That was supposed to read " ...or NOT paced well to TOS .

I can use the breaks now too finally. :) - May 05, 2005 - Report this comment
YWN: I'm with you on the apocalyptic warnings (heh heh) and the courage of not conforming to Nazism.

Ralphing Luke: Why don't you put a sock in it for about 5 minutes?

Surprise!: I'm with you on the pope being Catholic, but I'm not really sure what that has to do with Democrats or the UN. And are you saying you're a Michael Bolton fan?

s2art: I've been out in this field of poppies (poppies! poppies! poppies!) a long time...

Stevenagh: What are you doing online? Aren't you supposed to be camping out for Star Wars tickets?

Ant In Chains: Screw the math. All pope parodies should be voted X-V-I.
Peter Andersson - May 05, 2005 - Report this comment
455. The missing chorus doesn't bother me that much but there are a few lines like for example "Sgt Poper's Lonely Priests Club Band" where I (though I have to say that it could be my accent) have to stress up or slow down significantly from the original to make it fit. I'm pretty sure it wont be noticable in the upcoming recording though. :-)
>BR>And for the record (no pun intended) I'd like to say that for a line like that it's worth to go outside the perfect 5,0 pacing. Ah, what the heck, maybe I'm just jealous! :-)

And as for what's to constitute a classic that question always brings to mind the series "Red Dwarf" where they at some point are pondering along this lines: "The Classics; Mozart, Mendelhson, Motörhead...".

And for YWN: Maybe it was unintended but do you have any idea how hilariuos a line about the pope like "it was nine years ago, and he may have changed his beliefs since then" is? =8-()
Stuart McArthur - May 05, 2005 - Report this comment
whoops, dumb mathematical slip-up Red Ant (I used to teach calculus, and now I can't even do percentages) - should have been 4.85 as you correctly point out
Jeff Reuben - May 05, 2005 - Report this comment
This was extremely entertaining. Oh wait, there's a song at the top! - May 05, 2005 - Report this comment
PeterCHYD: Them's fightin' words, brother. To me, "Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band" PERFECTLY matches the meter of "On a member of Duran Duran." In fact, it was only because of that serendipitous scansion discovery that I went with the "Sgt Poper" line at all. (Well, that plus it enabled me to steal "Poper" from Claude Prez.) So mark me down for pacing on other lines, or for leaving out a WHOLE CHORUS, but I will fight to the death for the honor of *that* line. EN GARDE!

Jeffaroo: I'm sorry, but your comment is insufficient. You failed to address PACING. Heh heh.
Jeff Reuben - May 05, 2005 - Report this comment
The pacing of your comments is nowhere near the pacing of the song =)
Peter Andersson - May 05, 2005 - Report this comment
Spaff: My GARDE's already up with "(though I have to say that it could be my accent)", it's something with the saliva/juices of the blond Scandinaivan valkyrias that do strange things to a mans vocal cords (not to mention other parts of his anatomi). I'll try to talk some of them into visiting you in Utah and maybe then you'll begin to see/speak things my way. How's that for parodyola? ;-) - May 05, 2005 - Report this comment
PeterCHYD: All I know about Valkyries is that they RIDE. Sounds good to me! Kindly ignore all that "fightin' words" stuff.
Peter Andersson - May 06, 2005 - Report this comment
They also served as (bare breasted) maids and ministered at the feasts of heroes in Valhalla. I guess that’s one of those historical paradoxes; in a climate with an average temperature around zero my ancestors invented the Hooters concept! :-)
Your Worst Nightmare - May 06, 2005 - Report this comment
Peter, I do not follow. Do popes tend to be stubborn?
Peter Andersson - May 06, 2005 - Report this comment
YWN: Stubborn... well... they don't get elected for a career of Christian flip-flopping, that's for sure... ;-)

Maybe I was unclear though, I should only have quoted the "he may have changed his beliefs" bit to make my point/pun. :-)
Chris Bodily TM - May 06, 2005 - Report this comment
I don't know the original song too well, just the chorus (and I even parodied it once!), so I can't really say anything bad about the pacing. I thought it was hilarious how you rhymed "Satanic" with "Titanic," but the theme from "Titanic" is not a Satanic song -- it's from a classic movie, so it is disqualified from any Satanism. If you wanna get Satanic: Michael Bolton, Kenny G, Nsync (but "Gone" is still a fairly good song), Backstreet Boys, rap, r&b, hip-hop, Christian rock, soft pop, Marilyn Manson, country, swanky music. I give you 5-5-5 for the fun read!
Melhi - May 07, 2005 - Report this comment
You think he's on a rampage against rock, now? Wait til he figures out that Elvis is an anagram for "Evils" and "Elvis Presley" is an anagram for "Sly evil spree" and that "Elvis Aaron Presley" is an anagram for "Relays an evil prose!"
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - May 07, 2005 - Report this comment
Hey, Melhi, IIII'm the anagrammer around here!
Jack Wilson - May 07, 2005 - Report this comment
Still loved it! 555!
Peter Andersson - May 07, 2005 - Report this comment
And wait until he figured out that Melhi already knew that... - May 11, 2005 - Report this comment
PeterCHYD: You had me at "bare."
CBTM: Don't forget Britney Spears. Heh heh.
Melhi: And "Club Melhiigh" is an anagram for "Mile High Club."
JARLB: Breathtaking joke, urinal pal.
Local Celebrity: Thanx! - July 03, 2005 - Report this comment
Ralphing Luke: FYI, I only made that "put a sock in it" comment to quote/mock a previous comment that has now been deleted for some reason. Not that you noticed or cared, but taken out of context, it sounds pretty bastardly.
Andrew W - July 19, 2005 - Report this comment
Wow the pope IS crazy. The beatles being satanic, HARSH. Thats one of the many reasons i want to be an atheist when i grow up. Being a christian/catholic is no fun at all. Great parodie i gave you all 5's for that one. totally agree with what your parody was saying. I can't belive the pope didn't mention some of the songs played TODAY, some of the songs (well in his point veiw) are way more "satanic"(in his point of veiw) then the ones way back in my dad's day. Peace Out, Yo. - September 12, 2005 - Report this comment
Andrew: You want to be an atheist when you grow up? I don't want to put a damper on your dreams, but it's just not very lucrative. I recommend trade school at the very least. - April 02, 2006 - Report this comment
To anyone who's made it all the way through these comments: Sorry, but you're going to have to start all the way over here:
(Don't blame me; blame Dumb Ass Kid.)

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