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Song Parodies -> "Can't Fit You"

Original Song Title:

"I Miss You"

Original Performer:


Parody Song Title:

"Can't Fit You"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

A really fat man wants a suit...will he get it?
Need a suit, need a suit

Hello there, I'm not a fan of the stares
I know I only just fit through the door
I'm only here for one thing, so get your tape out, pally
And you can't refuse me, savvy? Dumb peons
Customer's always right, see
So go fetch me a suit with quickness
You need my size, it's a bit more than L
More like XXXL

Need a suit, need a suit
Can't refuse, or I'll sue

I refuse, I might be sorry
But you have treated me like common slime
And I can't help you anyway
Don't do custom-fits
We just don't have any suits in your size
And if we did, I'm doubtin'
It would be a survivor
Slightest movement and I'd see your thighs
We've a guarantee, that is true
But your weight's beyond reason
We'll hold the doors so you can go outside
We can't suit your size

Don't waste your time here, please, you're too heavy
A fact that can't be helped (can't fit you, can't fit you)
Please sir, just leave, we can't suit your belly
We don't serve those who yell (can't fit you, can't fit you)

Get out of line, sir please, nothing that we
Can do because you're fat (can't fit you, can't fit you)
Don't make a giant scene, it's unseemly
And won't help you for crap (won't help you, won't help you)
No fault of mine, it's thee (to sound fancy)
There's no need to get mad (won't help you, won't help you)
Sue us? Don't try cause, see, CCTV
Caught you being a twat (so please move, so please move)

You can't sue for a suit
Because you acted crude
Can't fit you, don't want to
Cause, sir, you are a douche

Guess not. For the customer is not always right. Doesn't give the employee the right to call him a douche and a twat (rhymes with "cat"), but this is fiction, you're allowed to fudge the rules of reality in the name of humour, drama and awesome.

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.2
How Funny: 3.2
Overall Rating: 3.5

Total Votes: 4

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   1
 3   0
 4   0
 5   3

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Shopper - August 14, 2014 - Report this comment
This is kinda silly cause any guy can get a 3X suit easily at any tailor shop or Big & Tall. And even if a customer is rude, barring profanity, no salesperson is allowed to be rude or aggressive with that person. The whole premise is messed up too making fun of an obese man and check the spelling of stares (stairs)!!! :))
@ Shopper - August 14, 2014 - Report this comment
So, it didn't occur to you that he might not be a fan of people staring at him
Size Matters??? - August 14, 2014 - Report this comment
A "really" fat man, and he wears a triple x??? Would depend on his height because a lot of dudes wear them that are tall and not really fat. Wal-Mart, Target, K-Mart, etc... all have 3x clothing in stock. I would think a really obese gentleman might be 6x or beyond. Just sayin'
Matthias - September 03, 2014 - Report this comment
I kinda agree with the consensus here in saying that a 3X suit isn't really comically large but you did a bang up job with the parody nonetheless especially switching up the choruses. Good job.
Blaydeman - September 06, 2014 - Report this comment
(Artistry) Regardless of the factual errors of the parody, it was still very fun. You could've pushed this customer-employee dynamic a little further, but that's just my personal preference.
Max Power - September 07, 2014 - Report this comment
At least you didn't get stuck in a bath tub like Taft, 555 lbs.
Agrimorfee - September 08, 2014 - Report this comment
Irregardless of the size issue, my problem is that I dont think the customer did anything (other than being slightly uppity) to engender the response from the clerk....but also, he didn't even make it in the doorway, yet he was still on CCTV? I get easily confused.
Abbott Skelding - September 10, 2014 - Report this comment
Not bad, I really liked how you changed the perspective between the two characters to match the two different singers. There were some funny lines in here (anyone who is able to use "peons" gets a vote for me), but I have to agree with all the above comments as well. Nice work, but could have been pushed further.

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