Song Parodies -> TV, Or Not TV
| Original Song Title: | "To Be, Or Not To Be" |
| Original Performer: | William Shakespeare: Hamlet |
| Parody Song Title: | "TV, Or Not TV" |
| Parody Written by: | Tommy Turtle |
Describes the author's difficult internal struggle after reading John A. Barry's "Vast Wasteland" series. Tried to be as true as possible to the OS (Original Soliloquy).
TV, or not TV -- that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
Vain Vanna's vowels on the "Wheel of Fortune"
Or to raise arm against a sea of silly
And by remote click, end it. To click, turn off --
No more -- and by "turn off" to say we end
The heartburn, and the thousand stupid schlocks
TV has aired, too. 'Tis a termination
Directed to my dish. Turn off, could sleep --
Could sleep -- or eat ice cream; ay, entire tub;
Though TV air "Macbeth", commercials come;
But we can shut it off; ad portal, foil;
Or "mute", or "pause". There's disconnect
That helps us tolerate such inane ads.
For who would bear the tips on stains from Tide,
Soap sponsor's song, the limp man's Viagra,
The Tang of ersatz juice, the time delay
Re: incident of Jackson, and the urns
That Janet offers, bared by Timberlake,
When he himself might peace and quiet make
With a mere "off" click? Who would farters bear,
Who grunt and sweat in ads for laxative,
But that the dread of something in "real life",
The pesky world that's "out there": - in faked shows,
Reality returns; scares us to still,
And makes us rather bear such shows we have
Than fly to real life that we know not of?
Thus laziness makes cowards of us all,
And thus the thousand lines of resolution
Are sicker more with weak crew, cast, and plot;
And enterprisers' putrid pitch and sales spiel
With this regard, on sofa make us stay
And sit in numb inaction. -- Look you, now -
Fair Angelina! Nymph, in thy areoles
Are TV's sins dismembered!
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
Vain Vanna's vowels on the "Wheel of Fortune"
Or to raise arm against a sea of silly
And by remote click, end it. To click, turn off --
No more -- and by "turn off" to say we end
The heartburn, and the thousand stupid schlocks
TV has aired, too. 'Tis a termination
Directed to my dish. Turn off, could sleep --
Could sleep -- or eat ice cream; ay, entire tub;
Though TV air "Macbeth", commercials come;
But we can shut it off; ad portal, foil;
Or "mute", or "pause". There's disconnect
That helps us tolerate such inane ads.
For who would bear the tips on stains from Tide,
Soap sponsor's song, the limp man's Viagra,
The Tang of ersatz juice, the time delay
Re: incident of Jackson, and the urns
That Janet offers, bared by Timberlake,
When he himself might peace and quiet make
With a mere "off" click? Who would farters bear,
Who grunt and sweat in ads for laxative,
But that the dread of something in "real life",
The pesky world that's "out there": - in faked shows,
Reality returns; scares us to still,
And makes us rather bear such shows we have
Than fly to real life that we know not of?
Thus laziness makes cowards of us all,
And thus the thousand lines of resolution
Are sicker more with weak crew, cast, and plot;
And enterprisers' putrid pitch and sales spiel
With this regard, on sofa make us stay
And sit in numb inaction. -- Look you, now -
Fair Angelina! Nymph, in thy areoles
Are TV's sins dismembered!
© 2006 Tommy Turtle.
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Voting Breakdown
The following represent how many people voted for each category.
| Pacing | How Funny | Overall Rating | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 1 | 3 | 4 | 3 | |||||||||||||||||||||||
| 2 | 0 | 1 | 2 | |||||||||||||||||||||||
| 3 | 2 | 0 | 0 | |||||||||||||||||||||||
| 4 | 0 | 0 | 0 | |||||||||||||||||||||||
| 5 | 15 | 15 | 15 |
User Comments Follow...
Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.
I gotta' tell ya'...I really enjoyed your "Shakes Beer"..here..
nice soliloquizin'
TT talks of tales told by videot, full of sound and fury and signifying nothing. Avon, T! 5s
Video! Video! Wherefore art thou video? This is awesome.
"As flies to wanton boys, are words to Turtle;
He flips them for his sport."
He flips them for his sport."
I like it, Tur-tle! And here I was writing one about stupid tv ads. 5's
AFW, alvin, John B, Rex, Lord, Adagio, thanks for your comments. Do I dare Dane to answer? (ok, that pun sucked. Hamlet - Dane - deign- yuk - back to the drawing board, TT.) Hope I'm not "Bard" from this site.
Tommy, what can one say? You know your Shakespeare and your TV.. As for those responsible for Reality TV all we can do is shout, "Off with their heads!"
Stratford, agree completely re: "reality" shows, and thanks.
All things "Hamlet" hold a special place in my heart...=) Great job...
I hardly miss anything on TV - it's mostly crap, reruns, and, especially in VA, inaccurate weather forcasts. To five or not to five - there is no question.
Wow... you nailed this one, dude! I don't watch as much television as I used to either; I especially miss the classic shows that I grew up watching. :( Here's another perfect vote for ya.
Arwen, Red Ant, Serafina, thanks.
RA, forecasts are just as bad elsewhere; and nice comeback, phrasing the voting decision :)
RA, forecasts are just as bad elsewhere; and nice comeback, phrasing the voting decision :)
I do say this is a most enjoyable parody.
A gas, for sureth! You did this well!
Larry, Agrimorfee, thankest thou.
A Bard Fan is good to find.
John D, good mot, John D, there is no question. Hey, this version of my signature would make a good parody idea for you!
John Barry, I just got the "Avon, T" ("avanti") pun, almost a year later. The tortoise is slow, but gets there eventually...
Alas, T. Turtle... he has done well, Impresario... a fan of internet jest. 555
QUEEN GERTRUDE: Walt Conner doth jest, and much, methinks.
HAMLET: Yes, and with clever word.
TURTLE OF DENMARK: Excellent quippery (?), Sir, to bat back lines from the same source -- and belies your unworthy modesty in comment to "Bind And Tie Her Tight". With that kind of (equally-warped) mind, your songs are going to show outstanding AIR-head-ery, and very soon. Thanks for v/c.
HAMLET: Yes, and with clever word.
TURTLE OF DENMARK: Excellent quippery (?), Sir, to bat back lines from the same source -- and belies your unworthy modesty in comment to "Bind And Tie Her Tight". With that kind of (equally-warped) mind, your songs are going to show outstanding AIR-head-ery, and very soon. Thanks for v/c.
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