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Song Parodies -> "Vast Wasteland III. The Ire Sermon"

Original Song Title:

"The Waste Land III. The Fire Sermon"

Original Performer:

T.S. Eliot

Parody Song Title:

"Vast Wasteland III. The Ire Sermon"

Parody Written by:

John A. Barry

The Lyrics

Edited and metrically adapted version of FCC Chairman Newton Minow's speech to the National Association of Broadcasters on May 9, 1961. Although I didn't write this, in some ways the metric adaptation was more of a challenge.
Your license lets you use the public's airwaves as trustees
For 180 million Americans.
The public is your beneficiary. If you
Want to stay on as trustees, you must deliver
A decent return to the public--not only to your
Stockholders. So, as a representative of
The public, your health and your product are among my chief concerns.

I have confidence in your health. But not in your product.
I am here to uphold and protect
The public interest. But what do we mean by
"The public interest?" Some say the public interest
Is merely what interests the public. I disagree.

When television is good, nothing--not the
Theater, the magazines or newspapers--nothing's better.

But when television is bad, nothing's worse.
I invite you to sit down in front of
Your television set when your station goes
On the air and stay there without a book,
Magazine, newspaper, profit-and-loss sheet,
Or rating book to distract you--and keep your
Eyes glued to that set until the station
Signs off. I can assure you that you will
Observe in that great glass eye, a vast wasteland.

You will see a procession of game shows,
Violence, audience-participation shows,
Formula comedies about totally
Unbelievable families, blood
And thunder, mayhem. . .
(C'est la voix du font, qui chante contre les couplages:
[It's the voice from the FCC's source, railing against sex and violence on TV]
"Tut, tut, tut,
Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk!")
. . .Violence,
Sadism,
Murder, western
Badmen, western good men, private eyes,
Gangsters, more violence and cartoons. And, endlessly,
Commercials--many screaming, cajoling,
And offending. And most of all, boredom.
True, you will see a few things
You will enjoy. But they will be very,
Very, very few. And if you think I
Exaggerate, try it. Sentenced to prime time.

And why is so much of television so bad?
I have heard many answers: demands
Of your advertisers; competition for ever-
Higher ratings; the need always to attract
A mass audience; the high cost of television
Programs; the insatiable appetite for
Programming material--these are some of them.
Unquestionably these are tough problems.

But I am not convinced that you have tried
Hard enough to solve them . . . and I am not convinced that
People's taste is as low as some of you assume.

What about the children? There are some
Fine children's shows, but they are drowned out in
The massive doses of cartoons,
Violence, and more violence. Must these
Be your trademarks and that on which you thrive?

Let me make clear that what I am talking
About is balance. You will get no
Argument from me if you say that, given
A choice between a western and a symphony,
More people will watch the western. I like
Westerns and private eyes too--but a steady
Diet for the whole country is obviously
Not in the public interest. We all know
That people would more often prefer to
Be entertained than stimulated
Or informed. But your obligations are
Not satisfied if you look only to
Popularity as a test of what to
Broadcast. You are not only in showbiz;
You are free to communicate ideas
As well as relaxation. So you must
Provide a wider range of choices, more
Diversity, more alternatives. It's
Not enough to cater to the nation's whims--
You must also serve the nation's needs.

And I would add this--that if some of you
Persist in a relentless search for the
Highest rating and the lowest common
Denominator, you may very well
Lose your audience. The six principles.

Some of the fundamental principles which guide me:

First: The people own the air. Second: It would
Be wasteful for us to continue to
Wrangle over payola, rigged quiz shows
And other mistakes of the past. Third: I believe
In the free enterprise system. I want
To see broadcasting improved and I
Want you to do the job.
Fourth: I'll do all I can to help educational
Television.
Fifth: I am,
Yes, opposed to
Government
Censorship. Sixth: I did not come to
Washington
To observe
Squandering of
The public's airwaves.

I can suggest words that should serve
To guide you: you're accountable
To the public for respect
For special
Needs of children,
For advancing
Education
And culture,
Also for the
Programming
That's chosen, for
Decency,
Decorum;
Also for
Advertising propriety.
Those can be discharged
Only through the highest standards of
Respect for the American home, applied to
Every moment of every program presented.
Program materials should enlarge
The horizons of the viewer, give
To him wholesome entertainment,
And remind him of responsibilities
The citizen
Must have toward
His society.

The power of instantaneous sight
And sound has no precedent in history.
Awesome
Power.
It brings with it awesome
Responsibilities; it has
Limitless capabilities
Both for good--and for
Evil.




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Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.4
Overall Rating: 4.4

Total Votes: 5

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User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Peter Andersson a.k.a K1chyd - March 16, 2006 - Report this comment
Too odd not to look at! ;-)

John B, I wish Johnny D had challenged you to write 99 prime time sit com script parodies, I'm sure some of them would have kicked ass with what's on IRL!
Tommy Turtle - March 16, 2006 - Report this comment
The Far-sight-ed saga continues "(Forsyte")...
Very effective speech - look at how much better things are 45 years later! Five minnows...
p.s. Anyone who fusses 'cuz JAB didn't originate the words will be nominated for the "Atrociously Anal Award" from Red Ant!
alvin rhodes - March 16, 2006 - Report this comment
...and he thought it was a wasteland THEN....whew...great job, by the way, looking forward to more
John Barry - March 16, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks, Peter, Tommy, Alvin.
TT - March 16, 2006 - Report this comment
BTW, don't you think Minow's last paragraph could equally refer to the Internet?
John Barry - March 16, 2006 - Report this comment
TT--absolutely. I believe TV's the ultilmate model for the Web. Plus ca change. . . .
Red Ant - March 17, 2006 - Report this comment
No 'Anal Award' from me, this is great (and crediting makes all the difference). Adapting a speech into a parody is well beyond what I can do.
Larry Hensley - March 17, 2006 - Report this comment
Good parody. 555's
Agrimorfee - March 17, 2006 - Report this comment
Gotta pull out my battered and torn TSE lil' ol' compilation book out to enjoy this one. Personally, I enjoy The Hollow Men.

The author of the parody has authorized comments, and wants YOUR feedback.

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