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Song Parodies -> "There is a Director Who Remade 'The Fly'"

Original Song Title:

"There Was an Old Lady Who Swallowed a Fly"

Original Performer:

Traditional

Parody Song Title:

"There is a Director Who Remade 'The Fly'"

Parody Written by:

John A. Barry

The Lyrics

Sorry this is so long, but necessary for deciphering. Vincent Price was in the original "The Fly," 1958; remake, 1986. Lame "Birds" sequel/remake, but for TV, 1994. Pathetic, pointless 1998 rip-off of "Psycho" directed by Gus Van Sant, with Heche in the Janet Leigh role. "Cat People" (directed by Paul Schrader), 1982; remake of superior 1942 original (dir. Jacques Tourneur). "Taxi Driver," 1976 (written by Schrader, starring Robert De Niro). For his role as boxer Jake LaMotta in "Raging Bull," (written by Schrader, among others, whose views tend toward the dour) 1980, De Niro bulked up to play the aging boxer. Remakes, of varying degree, in which De Niro has appeared: "Bang the Drum Slowly," 1973; "The Untouchables," 1987; "We're No Angels," 1989; "Cape Fear," 1991, "Frankenstein," 1994; "Great Expectations," 1998; "The Adventures of and Rocky and Bullwinkle," 2000. "The Goat" ["La Chevre"], 1982 (dir. Francis Veber; starring Gérard Depardieu, who had a minor role in the 1996 version of "Hamlet," directed by Kenneth Branagh, who was in the 1994 remake of "Frankenstein" with De Niro). Sir Laurence Oliver, director and star of the definitive film version of "Hamlet," 1948. "Poor Cow," 1967 (dir. Ken Loach; McDowell's first feature). "Bog," "God" in the Nadsat argot spoken by Alex (McDowell) and his droogs (friends) in 1971 "Clockwork Orange" (dir. Stanley Kubrick, who also made "Spartacus," 1960, with Olivier). Kubrick's "Lolita, 1962 (with Peter Sellers as Clare Quilty; Depardieu was originally slated to play Quilty in the remake, but the role went to Frank Langella, who's in "1492" with Depardieu), remade by Adrian Lyne, 1997. When filming began, New Line Cinema was the distributor, but it dropped the film after seeing an early cut. "Horse," 1965 (dir. Andy Warhol, 1928-1987). Thanks to imdb.com for research and to Airfarcewon for giving me the idea for this parody.
There is a director who remade "The Fly,"
Missing a guy who's in the first "Fly,"
That's Vincent Price.

The same director made a film that's called "Spider"
With Miranda Richardson, but did it bite 'er?
That followed guy's remake of "The Fly,"
His budget was high to remake "The Fly"--
Biggest yet price.*

There's a great director who gave us "The Birds";
Remake "Birds"? Hollow and absurd.
There's a hollow-turd remake of "Psycho";
Folks snickered and sniggered when they saw that guy go
Off, don a dress, spike 'er--make Anne Heche die.
Gets zero of five; why'd they do it? "Why??!!"
Turkeys won't fly.

There is a director and he remade "Cat
People." Drat! Why'd he go and do that?
The follow-on "Cat" is quite absurd;
The story line's blurred, could have been tighter. . .
Director is priggish, not gigglish and lighter.
He logged "Taxi Driver," that "Cat" flick guy.
Of "Raging Bull"'s writers, he's one of five.
He's had three wives.

There is a dear actor who's in "Wag the Dog,"
"Taxi" Bob went all out, whole-hog
In bullish film job and getting fat,
And sometimes he spat dialog slurred,
Was no mellow nerd as crafty fighter
Who wiggled and jiggled when middle weren't slighter.
Avoirdupois lighter, he took no dive.
In remakes the guy's been able to thrive. . .
Made more than five.

There's a réalisateur who made "The Goat,"
Though it's no faute, it ain't culture haute.
A fellow très gauche, might crack: "That's Frog,"
Where "chien" is dog and "chat" is cat;
In English, a "chat"'s a klatch with words.
Gérard Depardieu's "The Goat"'s headliner.
Folks giggled at him in his prince-flick shtik, minor.
Laurence's is finer; it takes the pie.
He gave it a try; couldn't aim that high,
That Branagh guy.

There is a director who gave us "Poor Cow,"
Was the first bow for Malcolm McDow',
Who on telly" wowed 'em in "Crossroads,"
In "Clockwork," an oaf; used chat like "bog"
And wallowed in slog remake of "Cat
People"; oh, if that Dave Cronenberg
For this callow work was the green-lighter,
Instead of a giggle, might have been a frighter.
Follow-on "Lolita" done by Lime Lyne;
Then New Line declined. As Stan's, not as fine--
No Pete this time.

There is a director, made the galling "Horse."
He's dead, of course.


*In a recent interview, Cronenberg said that "The Fly" was the first film for which he had a significant budget. But in the horror/scifi genre, his two most effective efforts, IMHO, are the relatively low-budget "They Came from Within" (AKA "Shivers," "Frissons," and "The Parasite Murders"), 1975, and "Rabid," 1977.

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Pacing: 4.6
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 8

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User Comments

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Phil Alexander - February 02, 2006 - Report this comment
Tricky to sing, but amazingly impressive, JB: you've either got an encyclopaedic knowledge of film history, or you've spent some time in research for this one.
alvin rhodes - February 02, 2006 - Report this comment
mind boggling
Stephen Harrington - February 02, 2006 - Report this comment
5s, although I haven't seen most of those movies, this is a clever one you wrote.
Agrimorfee - February 02, 2006 - Report this comment
Impossible to fully appreciate without footnotes..but I feel the same way about Ulysses. 555
Red Ant - February 02, 2006 - Report this comment
Excellent variations and end line rhymes. 5s
Matthias - February 02, 2006 - Report this comment
I love the last line, it's very morbid and goes well since the movies you listed are horror movies... the enire parody was LOLable....
AFW - February 02, 2006 - Report this comment
Excellent...and more
John Barry - February 02, 2006 - Report this comment
Phil, thanks, I was a film buff in my youth, so I knew some of this but had to rely on the Internet Movie Database for much of it. Alvin, Stephen, Agrimorfee, Red Ant, Matthias, AFW.
Rick C - February 03, 2006 - Report this comment
Wonderfully written. I have to disagree on Cat People. The sight of Nastasia Kinski in short-shorts and wading boots was worth the price of admission. 555
Larry Hensley - February 05, 2006 - Report this comment
Never saw any of those movies, but I liked the parody, 555's

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