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Song Parodies -> "I've a Merkin On My Yoo-Hoo"

Original Song Title:

"I've Been Working On the Railroad"

Original Performer:

Trad.

Parody Song Title:

"I've a Merkin On My Yoo-Hoo"

Parody Written by:

Rick Duncan

The Lyrics

if you don't know what a merkin is, ask Johnny.
I've a merkin on my yoo-hoo
When I go to play
Wear that merkin on my yoo-hoo
Cause it's balder than a jay

Though I'm almost twenty-seven
Guys think I'm barely out of school
Cannot get my thistle growin'
So I wear this wool

I want it to grow
I want it to grow
Not like all those ho's in po-or-orn
Minor, they say no
Minor, it ain't so
I'm all set to go this morn

Somethin's down there itchin' my 'gina
Somethin's down there itchin' my coo-oo-oo-ootch
Somethin's down there itchin' my 'gina
Think I need a softer pooch

Whee, guy, diddle-ee guy, go
Whee , guy, diddle me, guy low-o-o-o
Whee, guy, diddle-ee guy go
Where'd you get that moustache, Bro?

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Pacing: 5.0
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Total Votes: 13

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User Comments

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Agrimorfee - September 02, 2004 - Report this comment
Damn, Rick! OMG and holy cow.555
Johnny D - September 02, 2004 - Report this comment
555.... I had to look it up.... Allow me to share what I found at:

http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a3_232.html

A merkin is somebody who lives in Merika. (Har!)

They used to shave off all the pubic hair as a cure for syphillis, so the well-to-do used wigs.

Before penicillin was around to ease the lives of the promiscuous, these were used to cover up any sores prostitutes may have obtained in the line of duty.

They used to treat the syphilitic with mercury, which caused baldness.

The merkin is for women with no pubic hair. Some people just don't develop hair down there, and this can be embarrassing.

In days of old a common problem was lice. One of the ways people dealt with this was to shave all the hair off their bodies, including arms, legs, and pubes. Wigs became very popular. Pubic wigs caught on slowly, starting among the kinkier set, but eventually became halfway respectable.

A merkin is a crotch wig for both men and women and is usually worn on the outside. Have you ever seen a Scot in full regalia? That little fur "purse" in front is a merkin.

In a country of mainly dark haired people, a prostitute may wear a blond merkin to be unusual and therefore more desirable. (Got this from a dictionary of sex.)

One of the more recent uses is to allow exotic dancers to comply with local laws prohibiting full nudity. They wear what amounts to a flesh-colored panty with hair on the front, appearing to the patrons of the establishment to disrobe completely without actually doing so.

In a sci fi story by John Varley called something like "The Barbie Murders," a group of women gives up individuality (and sex) and undergoes surgery to become perfect nonsexual beings resembling Barbie dolls. This involves losing genitals, pubic hair, etc. One Barbie goes back to being a woman for a night, painting on nipples and using a merkin.

Guy - September 02, 2004 - Report this comment
Let me illustrate.

(o o)
) . (
( Y )

The merkin would go right over the "Y". (I really hope this lines up correctly).

Great parody Rick.
Johnny D - September 02, 2004 - Report this comment
Quick clarification: All of the text in my previous comment following the URL of www.straightdope.com was cut-and-pasted from that website, it is not my own writing.
Arwen - September 02, 2004 - Report this comment
Is it bad that I already knew what a merkin was before I read Johnny's mini-lecture notes?

Either way...this made me giggle, Rick...5s...
Ashkicksass - September 02, 2004 - Report this comment
I had no idea what a merkin was, but thanks to Rick and Johnny, I learned a new word today. When I went back and read the song again, I Led OL Rick!
Rick D - September 02, 2004 - Report this comment
In the 1964 movie, "Dr. Strangelove", Peter Sellers plays the President of the United States. What was his name?
Johnny D - September 02, 2004 - Report this comment
Quoted from the following website:

http://www.dvdconfidential.com/drstrangelove.html

" Wacky General Buck Turgidson (George C. Scott in what is rumored have been his own personal favorite role) has to notify the stuffy President Merkin Muffley (also played by Sellars). And of course, Sellars also plays the title character as well, the bizarre Dr. Strangelove."
Arwen - September 02, 2004 - Report this comment
Hmph!

Once again, Johnny has stolen my thunder!! I saw Rick's question on the recent comment board...and was ALL about answering it.
Adagio - September 02, 2004 - Report this comment
That's cute, Rick. I didn't really have to look it up, because all the explanations here sufficed, plus as soon as I saw the words 'ask Johnny', my mind went in the gutter. :D 5's
Johnny D - September 02, 2004 - Report this comment
Okay, I'm about to post "Merkin's My Way Back To You", a parody of "Working My Way Back To You", by Frankie Vallie and The Four Seasons.
alvin rhodes - September 02, 2004 - Report this comment
i'm smirkin' at your merkin...5s
M-Dawg - September 02, 2004 - Report this comment
I didn't hink men and women found pubic hair attractive! So why would you want a merkin?
Guy - September 02, 2004 - Report this comment
M-Dawg, 'cause it's downright 'merkin. Be 'merikin, buy 'merkin. It's just the 'merkin way.
Phil Alexander - September 03, 2004 - Report this comment
Rick - you gonna do a follow up to that Jerry and the Pacemakers number "Furry cross the Merkin", or just "Merkin Whoopee".... or even that Bad Company classic "Feel that Merkin Glove" :-)
Know 1 can hear you dream - September 05, 2004 - Report this comment
M-Dawg: Hairlessness is generally/historically a rather new cultural phenomenon (I say generally because you´ll always find examples like the one Johnny gives). You have to travel no further than France to find another view, though I guess it´s wearing off (no pun intended) there too. I´m guessing the transformation could be statistically proven to follow the history of photography, magazines and television etc.

Phil: How about "Merkin USA" to the Beach Boy´s "Surfin USA"? Already the fifth line´s about "A bushy bushy blonde hairdo" and then there´s lines about waxing etc...

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